Did you make all the decisions and plans in the relationship?
Yes actually I did make most if not all the decisions and plans. Until I became sick I ran the household. Then I just got too tired to do much of anything.
Last edited by Cadet; 04/30/1510:55 AM. Reason: quote bracket
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
He contacted me last night. He wants us to get back together, eventually. I have been adamant about him going his own way and doing his own thing. I have so much work to do on myself, my house and my relationship with my children. He feels insecure about me being on my own and that I might find someone else. I felt the same way when he first left, then I started to GAL. I told him that I said my vows and I was going to honour them. There has never been anyone else for either of us. He resumes individual counselling next week, so do I. We both want to do couples counselling as soon as possible. We have a lot of work to do. I have to figure out if I can forgive the fact that he left me when I was at my sickest. Oh heck...there are a lot of things to get over before I can say for sure we will get back together. Yesterday it dawned on me that I have the power back in this relationship. I don't really want it, but it is nice that now my emotions are affected by my decisions, not his.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
Comments like "I told him that I said my vows and I was going to honour them." Either provide him security that you will wait for him no matter what OR it provides pressure to him.
I think dropping the rope/the safety net is required so that he feels what life is like without you.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Diana I think you're doing a lot of things right. I also think you could be doing some things better. Specifically; detaching, and avoiding any R talk.
I know how hard it is when you're in the moment. We can read and study and get advice and plan before we're in conversations with our spouses- or even with them in person; but in the moment sometimes it's like all of our preparation goes out the window. We're in so much pain, we want them so badly so we capitulate to our 'feelings' in the heat of the moment- especially when lovemaking is involved.
I read other people's situations and I can very objectively see what they are doing that is working and what isn't. I can give advice like a completely caring but non-involved third person. Why? Because I'm completely detached from that situation. But I've been struggling now for over three months to bring that same level of rationale and simple solution oriented thinking to my own situation.
Therein lies the key sweet Diana. Act as if you are an outside viewer of your situation. Act like you're giving somebody else advice (of which you've given quite well on these boards).
Detach. No relationship talk. No initiating. Keep your conversations light and brief if H initiates. Use your energy on yourself.
Therein lies the key sweet Diana. Act as if you are an outside viewer of your situation. Act like you're giving somebody else advice (of which you've given quite well on these boards).
Detach. No relationship talk. No initiating. Keep your conversations light and brief if H initiates. Use your energy on yourself.
Hi Diana,
I've read your thread and about your sitch. I will tell you that I see your struggle and I feel your pain as much of it resonates with me. I send you (((ehugs))), we all need them
I really like what RealMe says. It's golden and I'll be instituting that advice in my own sitch.
Therein lies the key sweet Diana. Act as if you are an outside viewer of your situation. Act like you're giving somebody else advice (of which you've given quite well on these boards).
Detach. No relationship talk. No initiating. Keep your conversations light and brief if H initiates. Use your energy on yourself.
Hi Diana,
I've read your thread and about your sitch. I will tell you that I see your struggle and I feel your pain as much of it resonates with me. I send you (((ehugs))), we all need them
I really like what RealMe says. It's golden and I'll be instituting that advice in my own sitch.
Hang tough girl, Diesel
Hello Diana,
I agree 100% with what RealMe and Diesel wrote that I felt obligated to quote them both.
I, like Diesel, really do feel your pain. I have made a big mistake of bringing up R issues when we were supposed to speak about light subjects. Ugh, it happens to us all.
BTW, thank you for your post in my thread earlier today. So many people posted, and I responded to all in a post a few hours ago.
In case you miss it, here is what I psoted to you:
Diana, you are too kind but I'll humbly accept the compliment. I am so happy I could make you feel better, even if it was only for a few minutes. Don't we all need that?
Take care and (((((Diana)))))
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
My H and I are piecing. We both want nothing more than to be with each other, but we want us to do this right. We want to go to counselling individually and then as a couple. Our communication was sorely lacking.and that is something we need to work on. I will update when I can. Today is a beautiful day, so I'm going out on my bike and then off to see a concert in Toronto with my H.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
Had my IC appointment yesterday. She suggested doing couples counselling at the same time. H has his IC today. H cooked dinner for me last night and we watched some Netflicks. I promptly fell asleep. He didn't want to wake me. Apparently I was sleeping so peacefully. Lol I did wake up in the middle of the night and thought about going home. He asked me to stay and I slept in until 9 am. Hurried home...the fur babies needed to be fed.
I feel good today. I guess I really needed the 10 hours sleep.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
I had a bad day yesterday. I know getting our marriage back on track will be hard work. Sometimes I find it overwhelming. The romantic notion that I should be my husbands number 1 priority creeps into my head and heart and it hurts to know that I wasn't and I'm still not.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
any help?