How about a nice, upbeat response like this: Sure, that would be great as I want D to spend time with you. I am sure you two will have a lot of fun together!
My gut reaction was different. As I said we had kids from previous M's. My D was having a very hard time with the separation. I told the W about a month ago she could use some one on one time. At the time she probably took it as a guilt trip or manipulation on my part, but it truly wasn't.
Now my D is doing better, and my worry is that a meeting w my STBXS might 'stir up' negative things in her fragile little heart.
But I know having that convo with my S is a BAD idea, as is ignoring her or giving her a curt 'No', or, 'Maybe that would've helped a month and a half ago.'
I have to use this opportunity to be a lighthouse of positivity.
So you're right Wonka- I either cheerfully agree or find a very sincere and friendly way to say I don't think it's a good idea anymore without engaging in any heavy talk.
Thanks for the back story and it certainly changes how I would send the text response. Sure, D would love to spend time with you. I am sure you two will have a lot of fun together!
M- "Of course- D would love to spend time w you. I'm sure it will be good for both of you :)"
H- "Great! Thanks! I'll plan on it then :)"
I was thinking of responding about working out the logistics w some light humor or charm but I didn't want to seem like I'm trying to extend the conversation- one of my 180's is to not be the one who texts last, as she got really good at not responding and always leaving me 'hanging'. Plus I'm sure we'll talk before next Thu about it.
So I guess.... I met a goal today- waited until she contacted me, responded w brief warmth and distance.
M- "Of course- D would love to spend time w you. I'm sure it will be good for both of you :)"
H- "Great! Thanks! I'll plan on it then :)"
Was that so hard???! I think not.
I was thinking of responding about working out the logistics w some light humor or charm but I didn't want to seem like I'm trying to extend the conversation- one of my 180's is to not be the one who texts last, as she got really good at not responding and always leaving me 'hanging'. Plus I'm sure we'll talk before next Thu about it.
PING...PING!! You got that right. Many LBS just want to grab an inch for a mile by trying to prolong convos, texts, emails, Snapchat, smoke signals...what not. A deadly mistake. Leave it on a positive note and STFU.
So I guess.... I met a goal today- waited until she contacted me, responded w brief warmth and distance.
Baby steps right?
Starting with stopping thinking like a hothead...and becoming more supportive when it comes to the kiddos.
I don't have any advice to add now but wanted to comment on the tremendous progress you are making.
Keep a stiff upper lip.
I'm really proud of you.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Life gives us strange reasons to keep on going at times. For me it was going to church and asking for a sign God was there for me, any sign. This was within the first few weeks of BD. It turned out the pastor used geocaching in his sermon that day(not many people know what this is), and that was my sign.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
I have to agree with you - when Wonka is right he is right.
Your comment below made me smile because I'm so thrilled we were able to help:
"Talking to complete strangers on an internet board did too funny enough."
Keep doing what you've been doing RealMe.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
