Hoping it comes in today. Just talked to her not by choice, she's mad cause I turned off her phone, why because she needs it for the kids, so I said Ok, but I blocked his#. Now she's more mad, so I told her that is her problem, for him to buy her a new phone. She said I'm always controlling her life, NO, I'm just not going to pay for everything, and while she is hurting me! So was it wrong for me to block him from there love!
Junior D18, S16, S15 , S12 Gs15months M moved out March/15 2 days later wanted divorce. OM so called friends since Nov/14. April 22/15 they are now more than friends.
Calmly state that you will not allow the family money to be used to finance her affair. She needs to get her own phone. I would have cut off the phone.
It's controlling to block off the #. Yep, that was a very controlling move.
I did turn it off, but she went off on how she needed to communicate with the kids. She said it was understanding if i blocked his#. So I turned it back on and I did block it, cause she said. Then she said it was being sarcastic. While it was off she said I am thinking the worst because their good friends. Then after awhile she tells me she loves him that I don't understand. Their friends, but he posted a picture of them together in caption "I miss you baby! I'll see you soon! So is that a friend holding each other. That was totally disrespectful to let everyone see. So ami really wrong?
Junior D18, S16, S15 , S12 Gs15months M moved out March/15 2 days later wanted divorce. OM so called friends since Nov/14. April 22/15 they are now more than friends.
Ok ... Here is the thing. All you can control at this point is YOURSELF. For the sake of argument lets just say your wife is going through a MLC ... the last part of that is crisis. What does someone do in a crisis .. they panic, make poor decisions, they struggle ... THEY do these things and just like someone drowning if you stay to close they claw at you and you will drown too, I was there ... exactly where you are ... it stinks for sure, but you can and will survive and if you calm down and listen to the vets on this board, you might actually become stronger and better from all this.
As much as it hurts, you need to listen to your W when she says let me be. And I am saying let her be as in go dark STOP PURSUING (you will just appear needy and weak ... even if thats true its not attractive so hide that part of you right now) .. hard and fast, pull the rug out .... if its something to do with the kids and its an emergency then yes respond quickly, if its just a general issue with the kids, take 30-45 minutes ... if its something else .. let it sit for 2 hours.
Somewhere along the way you said you took her for granted ... well .. guess what .. she did the same, she lost respect for you and I know this hurts but her A is the shiny new toy, she things she loves so much .. she has to be allowed to realize that toy is not as shiny, the new life is not as bright, and her happiness is not as deep as she is dreaming it up to be ... but here is the thing .. its going to take a lot of time for her to sort through this ... YOU must get away and detach, start rebuilding yourself to become a better person while she crashes her new toy.
This will be hard.. very hard ... but you will be better after all is said and done if you chose to ... or you can allow this to destroy not only your M ... but your family and yourself.
Hoping it comes in today. Just talked to her not by choice, she's mad cause I turned off her phone, why because she needs it for the kids, so I said Ok, but I blocked his#. Now she's more mad, so I told her that is her problem, for him to buy her a new phone. She said I'm always controlling her life, NO, I'm just not going to pay for everything, and while she is hurting me! So was it wrong for me to block him from there love!
Ok ... do not be the roadblock between her and OM ... not saying to make it easy ... but you do not want to become the focal point and the enemy.
One of the turning points in my sitch was when I calmly told my W "Your A is disrespectful to me, our M, our Family along with yours and I will not be a part of it, nor enable it."
Leave it at that and say no more .. its a boundary .. read up as much as you can ... you can take away from others sitches and try what they have done .. see what works for you, toss out what doesn't.
So today I did the 180 instead of answering the phone right away I waited 40min till she text me. She said if I had time to talk, I said in a bit I'll call you. So I waited about an hour to call her back. She wanted to know if I was Ok on what I saw about the picture, I really didn't want to talk about it, but I suck it up and I said Ok. She I said i sound sad, I said no I was doing so work around the house. Instead of talking over her and defending my sell I listen to everything she said. She said it's just until that kids grow up. I said no, that she will always be in my life. For Kids weddings and Grand children, she didn't think of that. Then I told her I hope she does find happiness. Then she talked about the bills on how she would not have enough money. Normally I would say I'll take care of it, she never handled the bills. So I gave her a list on everything. Then she started to explain how something will be turned off, I said I understand and that she knows what's best for her. Then if she could borrow the money and she would pay me back, I said I couldn't because I got a plane ticket to go out of town to Washington State(to go dark for a week or so). I stayed telling her how strong she was and she can do it, then I asked her about her job. She told she's a bus driver/daycare attendant normally she is an office manager. That she took any job. So I made her laugh about how she's used to driving the small bus by driving me around she laughed and how I would be the first kid to get in trouble to sit with beautiful teacher and would have a crush on her. (She laughed!) So I ended the conversation there. I hope it made her think, but we did not argue for the first time! I got the Divorce Remedy yesterday and I started to read. It open my eyes to allot of things I we did wrong and where I need to change. I more excited to keep reading, hope I can still save my marriage!
Junior D18, S16, S15 , S12 Gs15months M moved out March/15 2 days later wanted divorce. OM so called friends since Nov/14. April 22/15 they are now more than friends.
Today was not that great. She needed money for gas for a new job. I have her some $. So I had to pick up the kids on day early to take them to the doctor, because she couldn't. They were telling me about this new guy that they don't approve of him, but their mom is happy, and he got money. Trying to buy my kids. Suppose he gave her $700 for bills, but I took care of all the bills the last month. Now he is giving her a engagement ring! WTH! She is all happy! So I'm just sitting back, waiting to see what happens. Feel like I'm fixing to fly out this roller coaster! What now!
Junior D18, S16, S15 , S12 Gs15months M moved out March/15 2 days later wanted divorce. OM so called friends since Nov/14. April 22/15 they are now more than friends.
Its sometimes a little hard to follow you - it would be handy if you could write in paragraphs, that way its easier to read.
Things are going fast for your w and that is the way she likes it, it keeps her on her high. If the pace slows then she knows she will feel the low and that is not what she wants. Life does not work at top speed for long, it can't maintain that level, so it will start to slow and she will begin to look for the next high - there is a lot more crazy to be had yet junior, so settle in for a long and bumpy ride.
This is where looking after yourself comes in, just let your w go spin in a corner and start to place focus on you and your kids. The important people in this ....you and your kids.
Keep reading, keep learning. You are going to be fine, just step back and breath.
Thanks LouR, everything is just moving to fast for me.
Just trying to hold on in this roller coaster with no seat belt.
Normally she is a person that likes to plan and make sure everything goes to plan. Lately she just been doing everything with out thinking. This is so not her. But she said she so Happy! My happiness is gone now, I miss her so much!
Junior D18, S16, S15 , S12 Gs15months M moved out March/15 2 days later wanted divorce. OM so called friends since Nov/14. April 22/15 they are now more than friends.
junior, Lou has given you excellent advice. Your wife is going to have highs and lows and she's going to be looking for things that will give her those highs so that she doesn't have to focus on her issues and work on herself. Strap yourself in because this is going to be a really bumpy ride.
You have already begun to notice that she's flying by the seat of her pants when it comes to decision making. This is very, very normal for her right now. She's in an emotional crisis and people who are highly emotional will not make good decisions and you can't reason w/them. Also, MLCers become the mirror image of themselves, i.e., the exact opposite of what she was pre-crisis. It's normal.
junior this crisis didn't just happen because it's been building up for quite some time and it will not end any time soon. So, whiles she's flying high on the euphoric cloud, you will need to find ways to take care of yourself. You will eventually find your balance and your happiness will return. However, you will need to dig deeper than you ever have for patience because you will need a lot of this in order to deal w/her.
For now, take care of yourself, i.e., eat, drink plenty of fluids and get your rest. I know, it's difficult when dealing with a crisis person...but you need your strength and you will need to try to keep the focus on you and your children. The woman you knew and loved is gone and won't be back any time soon.
Bottom line...you are the prize and you need to stay strong, not only for yourself, but your children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
