I hucked a waterfall.

[Georgia Bulldogs]

Mahhty,

How is the back????

I see you are just 32 but presume you took a few years off from paddling. During the week you should really look into possible considering exercises to strengthen your core muscles. The pain in your back is trying to communicate that you are pushing your spine and discs to hard. When the outer disks bulge and start leaking fluid you aren't going to get that fluid back and you are setting yourself up for having much more back pain later on in life.

I think kayaking blew out my back years ago. I haven't had back surgery or anything but I've had episodes lasting months of severe pain associated with activity from YEARS ago.

I don't can't paddle anymore. The position specifically places way to much pressure on the exact ONE disk I have damaged.

You aren't 18 anymore and just being an adult with a job and kids weakens inner core muscles. The muscles in your back may not be strong enough to handle the LARGE uptake in activity you are placing upon them. GAL but be careful too.

[Cadet]

Essentially. Most couples reconcile given time. Detachment buys more time.

Totally agree with this.

Thanks for Validating my Gift of Time - Dawg.!

[mahhhty]

Dawg!

You are absolutely right. I am not as young as I used to be! And honestly hiking with a 58 lbs boat on your shoulder is even worse than actually kayaking. My back is still not 100%, but I saw a doctor 2 weeks ago and have weekly PT appointments (I've had two already). They are having me focus on stretching my hamstrings and working core muscles. My disc didn't bulge and I don't have any fractures. They believe it was/is bruised/pulled muscles where my lumbar connects to the middle back.

They did clear me to kayak. Probably not to the level that I am. But its feeling good most of the time...

[Georgia Bulldogs]

Dawg!

You are absolutely right. I am not as young as I used to be! And honestly hiking with a 58 lbs boat on your shoulder is even worse than actually kayaking. My back is still not 100%, but I saw a doctor 2 weeks ago and have weekly PT appointments (I've had two already). They are having me focus on stretching my hamstrings and working core muscles. My disc didn't bulge and I don't have any fractures. They believe it was/is bruised/pulled muscles where my lumbar connects to the middle back.

They did clear me to kayak. Probably not to the level that I am. But its feeling good most of the time...

Funny you mention lugging the boat around. The first "pop" I felt in my back was at about age 27 taking out of the Cheat River at the Jenkinsberg Bridge long before the 2003-2004 renovations when you had to carry out all the way to the upper parking lot on muddle trails. It was also raining which meant rising waters and difficulties on the river and getting off the river. Miserable river for the occasional paddler. You gotta bombproof your roll before even considering this river at Medium to high water. I swam the last set which is probably when my muscles exhausted themselves and just couldn't protect my back on the climb out. I ended up paying a guy on an ATV to get me and my boat out to there. I'd give anything to redo that day and just jump in one of the rafts instead.

I just looked. CheatFest is this coming weekend.

[mahhhty]

That day sounds rough! I too have done the Cheat. Never gone during Cheat Fest, but always wanted too. Some friends are going this weekend, but I have the kids and that is more important to me.

We hiked out from the takeout of the Upper or Lower Meadow (I can't remember which), but that was miserable it is fairly vertical switchback and a long way to the car!

[mahhhty]

Good Afternoon All... DISCLAIMER: Moment of weakness will follow.... I'm feeling a little anxious and over caffeinated today. I FINALLY squared away my benefits and health insurance stuff. A step in the right direction but it was a little funky to deal with. I think this feeling was only enhanced by my recent mind reading (from our interaction last Friday) about how she may or may not be doing/feeling/etc. Its none of my business, but it does affect what I think about.

My mind takes current situations that IT perceives as POSSIBLY favorable and begins to think, twist, or manipulate them or even worse it tries to identify actions that I could do to enhance favorable situations. All based on mind reading. Examples of this is the idea of reaching out to her sister and asking how she is doing, and have refrained in general from asking her family (Mom, Dad or Sister) any questions. After all I am an engineer by nature. Over analysis to ensure the right outcome is how my brain is built or has been developed. I'd love to tell her that I miss her, or have a last kiss to replace the drunken one, or about the dream I had last night or perhaps a million other things I have thought about.

Anyway, moment of weakness is over..........

I did reach out to X this AM. My D is 4, turns 5 in October. In her newsletter from pre-school they talked about Art Sessions for 5-12 year olds. Immediately I approached the teacher asking if our D could attend even though she is 4. The teacher had a bunch of nice things to say about D and said Yes. So being a good coparent that I am (or am trying to be) I reached out and said the following... I think I did alright, but my perspective is biased. How did I really do?

Via Email:
X,
I contacted Mrs. Teacher and they will let D participate in the Art Classes, see below. I am thinking about both the Art Makes Music Class and the Let’s Create Make-Believe. I am sure she would love those! What do you think? Also, before we make a decision I would like to see the Calendar. I can generate the calendar on my own, all I need to know is your planned vacations.

- mahhhty

[mahhhty]

And response...
Hi,

My only concern is her hanging around with 12 year olds? I know she would love it and is mature enough to do it...I'm just concerned with such a wide age gap. She isn't really around kids of that age and may be exposed to quite a bit. Am I overthinking it?

Almost done the calendar, I'll send.

P.S. D is home today because she wokeup with a fever again. I assume it's another virus...
...................................
I'm going to wait until 230 and then call D to check on her. And tell X that I will respond to email tonight.

[Mozza]

Those moments of weakness are perfectly fine and you're at the right place to share them. I have them all the time. I often just wants to look into WW's eyes and say "My love" and hug her. Not the coolest or most appropriate thing under the current circumstances... What's important is not to act on these weaknesses. My WW doesn't want me to tell her I love her, nor does your XW wants you to jump at the slightest positive signs. Quite the opposite: if you want to receive more positive signs, you have to show her it's safe to send them, that you won't overreact. In fact, they may crank up if you don't react, to test you.

I think your message was fine and you got a good response. I'll just repeat my previous advice: Lose the exclamations points! Not very manly, right?

[Bob723]

Hello Mahhhty,

As Mozza pointed out, those moments of weakness are perfectly fine.

I am sure, than on more than one occassion, you have made a similar comment to help me. So, don't be too hard on yourself.

This part--very well played:
"I'm going to wait until 230 and then call D to check on her. And tell X that I will respond to email tonight."

Take care my friend.

Bob

[mahhhty]

Thanks for the support Guys. As long as I am honest with my reasons for funk and not acting on them I guess I am doing alright. I think when I come off weekends of trips/plans/excitement and I come home to nothing, no kids, no wife. It sends me for a little funk. But, I'll get there.

Going back to the email exchange. Yesterday, I tried to validated her position with the below. Which is the entire email. And Mozza will be so proud of the lack of exclamation points.
"I don’t believe you are overthinking it. If there are a lot of older kids and they aren’t necessarily nice kids the experience could be poor. I will explain the concern to Teacher and see what she thinks. Of course her opinion will be biased, but it will be another perspective nonetheless."

This AM, I sent a brief text asking how D was feeling.... "How was/is D this morning?"

I received this back.... "She was better. Just tired and low energy from not eating, but in much better spirits. She had a smoothie here and was eating waffles at my moms when I left. She should be good! Now hopefully S doesn't come down with it..."

I responded... "That's good. Thanks."

And then an hr later by some set of circumstances that I will never understand, I was called by her. I honestly think this may be the first time she has called me (when I haven't had the kids) in eons (I can't remember the last time). She went on to explain that D is no longer all that good. She talked, I listened and tried to validate. There were multiple instances where I was caught off guard not knowing how to respond. But I did well. Didn't bring up anything. Kept it light.

I think I did okay, definitely room for improvement.

But it bothers me that she hasn't made an effort to discuss some of the items I have left in her court... the coffee/co-parenting meeting. the plethora of things that are here that she wants (treadmill, furniture, etc). The ball is in her court unless I want to bring it up again... which as of today I don't.