There is no 2 ways around it: your kids are at a tough age, single or not. So know that you're not alone, and you do have the wisdom.
The only thing I'd add here is that screaming is not acceptable. In fact, if you have to only have one consistent thing to latch on to, it would be to tell her calmly that you will not tolerate being screamed at, and that she is welcome to talk to you when she calms down. It's not OK to rage on another. I know you said she escalates, but maybe you can work a plan with her C so that there are consequences for not following the "rules"?
What does their C have to say about helping with the chores?
I know how I did it, and perhaps it will help spark some sort of idea for you? I let my now D21 know that we'd do something fun on the weekend, but only if we could both cooperate in getting chores done during the week. I only had to cancel our outing once before she believed me that I'd deny it to everyone if she didn't cooperate. I can still see her crying in my back seat - with 2 friends - after she was told we weren't going to dinner and some where fun (can't remember). So we went home and I made grilled cheese instead. It was awful, and she pitched a horrid fit in front of her friends, but I was adamant about being the boss.
The stakes get higher when they get older, so it really helped her understand that I enforced consequences that were promised. Just ask her about her 18th birthday...
Anyway, you *can* do it. It's really hard right now, and I just want to tell you that it gets better. I swear.
Hugs, Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Tonight I had drinks with my coworker and a woman in her 80s. They assured me that I'm doing the best I can and my kids are going to turn out fine. it was a very fun afternoon.
D12 is doing a little better. My boys are clingy. The job is worrying me some but I shall endure.
This week marks the one-year anniversary of STBX moving out. He's supposed to have the kids tonight but because of a "work dinner" out of town I have them. I have refrained from checking the credit card statement to see if he bought an extra ticket for his "work dinner." I hope he's happy. I wouldn't be.
I have now lived in this house almost as long without him as with him. That realization startled me a bit. I also realize with profound gratitude how different I am from a year ago. He no longer knows who I am, though he may think he does. I am remade.
The awesome old lady I had drinks with today was an outstanding wingman at the nice restaurant we were at. She scoped out the cute bartender and even asked his age. He's a bit younger than me but within range, which got me thinking about what I want from a future relationship.
I have no idea!!!
I want someone tall. Who will sit on a porch with me and talk into the night. For the long-term, I want someone who would be a nurturing stepdad to my kids -- a lot of my friends describe their stepdads as the guys who taught them to drive or play ball and that's what I'd like for my kids, because I'm fairly sure STBX won't. I expect him to move out of town before D12 is 16.
But what do I want for myself? I don't know. I expect to figure out some day in the future.
My dear friend saw STBX on the street and greeted him in a friendly way. She's that kind of person. He grunted at her and her husband and crossed the street.
He has turned himself into someone who can't hold his head high in his own town. Which is why I'm sure he'll leave.
I have a quiet weekend on tap. I intend to sleep a lot, exercise a bit, and get a lot of housework done. I need some down time.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I'm very glad the clouds parted and you had a time of peace, camaraderie, and optimism.
You've got a long time to sort through the rubble and figure out what you're looking for. Dr. Joy is my favorite psychologist and she insists on 1 year from when the ink is DRIED before dating. My IC and L are telling me 2 years and 3-5 years respectively. Whatever the answer, the point is to not just move on, but to move WAY on before jumping into the pool again. Not everyone feels that way, and trust me...I've had moments in the last few months that make my heart beat hard a few times...but I really believe that is best.
In the meantime have a great relaxing weekend. Those are some of my favorites. Reread an old book, go for a walk, call some friends you haven't talked to for a while. Oh, maybe a massage? Sometimes just having the weekend open to brainstorm is a vacation! Enjoy!
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
I don't think there's a hard and fast rule. I know people who were dating within a few months of divorce who then married the loves of their lives and enjoyed marriages of 30+ years. I'm not going to miss out on that because of an arbitrary time line. Nor am I going to rush into anything. I'm just musing on what I think I want.
He's been gone for a year. It's been 21 months since I learned about the affair. 4 years that I know of since he was faithful. I think I've put in time on healing and changing. This isn't like some sitches where you go from BD to fully divorced in three months. If the right person comes along and I find myself attracted I don't see any reason why I should have to wait.
My plate is pretty full right now and I'm not seeking anything out. But I'd like to have an idea of what is important to me so I recognize it if it shows up in front of me.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Stbx just left with the kids. He looked and talked so much like the guy I liked being married to. I wish I weren't crying. I wish I never had to see him again.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Maybell, what I've experienced is not that the tears don't come, they do. But they don't last as long and I'm no longer exhausted at the end. It's not stupid, it's human.
I also wish I'd never have to see WW again because I have the same reaction. I call it "turning on the master switch", as it reminds me everything about her I'm trying to forget and move on: the familiarity of every feature, movement and word. I had committed to them for life.
As for dating, I agree that there are no hard and fast rule. D3's godparents met two months after painful breakups and are one of the more mature and healthy couples I know, eight years in. Love and sex are full of interdicts and people will rationalize ways for you to avoid them, often referring to their own repression of desires (it was on display in the Great Dating Debate on my thread). I also believe that dating can be healing and not every date has to start with the intention of marrying -- in fact, they very rarely do. I can't wait to see what's in store for us.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Crikey if I wait that long, I may be too far gone. 3-5 years nooooooooo
I have some good years left. My aged Ps still had sex until 3 years ago when mums dementia put a stop to it. Dad was 90 at the time, my glam sis walked in on them in the shower.
Dad blames his prostate issues on lack of Nookie. Ah well, sad day when your nearly 90 year old parents had a better sex life!
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
it was a very fun afternoon. 
He's a bit younger than me but within range, which got me thinking about what I want from a future relationship.