Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
W called and asked if it was a good time to talk. We made a little small talk and then I told W that I had just a few things to say.
I essentially read Toots edited version but complete with dramatic pauses. W stopped me a couple of times in first paragraph to correct me and say that our M wasn't all bad, etc.
When I finished, W thanked me for what I said. Then, W proceeded to tell me she paid her L's retainer today and started to try to convince me to just let her L work it out for both of us.
I responded by saying I don't think that would be the best as that L is your L. I then reminded her that I didn't want a D.
W seemed surprised and said, "You mean, you won't sign?" I simply rephrased the last sentence from my script.
W then started recounting all the reasons why she couldn't get back together with me. I simply listened and would occasionally respond by saying "I know" or "I understand." W said that she wants to see me happy with somebody else.
W then asked if I would agree to sit down and discuss a parenting plan. I replied that I would and that it was important to work through that.
I then told W that I pledged to be amicable in this process and wished her a good night.
W replied that it felt like an odd way to end conversation and W asked if I was mad. I replied that I was not mad and I was completely calm and at peace.
The entire conversation couldn't have been more than 10 minutes. It never once got heated or antagonistic.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Not too much to report since yesterday. W tried to FaceTime me while I was at work but I was in a meeting. W sent a few emails just giving me some details on the bills, etc. W also tagged me in an Instagram post. Other than that, nothing else.
W called to tell me she was on her way to drop off kids before work. When she got here, she appeared to be in a hurry and never turned off her car.
On the personal front, had a good day at work, got in some exercise, did some research for a discussion group on Friday, and grilled burgers for the kids.
I quit smoking over 8 years ago but I've always wanted to get a tobacco pipe so I picked one up after work. Could be a fun little vice...
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
W just called after her overnight shift to tell me about something good that happened to her at work. I listened to W, affirmed and validated her success, and then changed the subject to the kids. Then, I had to ask W about some banking questions. When we sorted it out, I wished W a good day and told her I'm glad she had a good night at work.
I tried to keep it brief but I didn't want W to feel I was being inconsiderate . I think it's important to do a good job validating W at this time, especially if the A has been damaged or ended.
I know W is giving me bread crumbs here. Is this the right approach? Should I even be answering the phone?
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
I cannot recall if you said or have described her previous calls. If they are typically non important, then you prob should miss a few calls. If she has the kids and calls by all means answer. I get what you are saying about not wanting to be "inconsiderate" but you do not want to always be available to her either. Remember, people want what they cannot have. She has to miss you and realize her actions have made you no longer her fall back safe bet. She is going to have to WANT to have you back. Just being available and taking her back now that her plan A failed is not going to get you the respect your relationship would need to survive.
Just my thoughts...
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
I cannot recall if you said or have described her previous calls. If they are typically non important, then you prob should miss a few calls. If she has the kids and calls by all means answer. I get what you are saying about not wanting to be "inconsiderate" but you do not want to always be available to her either. Remember, people want what they cannot have. She has to miss you and realize her actions have made you no longer her fall back safe bet. She is going to have to WANT to have you back. Just being available and taking her back now that her plan A failed is not going to get you the respect your relationship would need to survive.
Just my thoughts...
Pilot, good insight. These calls just after W's overnight shift are usually not important. They seem to really be habit for W if nothing else. I will start screening these calls tomorrow morning.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Journaling: I had another good day. Not too much news on the MR front. I posted a picture of my kids and I from 2013 on Instagram and W wrote "Love this picture. You're such a good dad."
Both kids spent the day with my mom and W's mom. My mom knows that we are headed towards D but doesn't know the details. I asked my mom repeatedly to not talk about my MR with my W's mother.
W called to talk with kids tonight on her way to work. After speaking with D4, W tells me that her mom told her that my mom was talking about MR today with her mom and our kids.
I am furious about this because I told my mom to stay out of it and to definitely not discuss it with my W's mom. I know that I'm probably making a mountain out of a molehill but that kind of meddling between families only hurts the situation I think.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
