That is an awesome update, Shining, so glad you finally decided to legally cut yourself and your kids off from that jerk of a husband of yours. I think the pings of sadness are normal, the next step in the healing process. More like missing the lost dream than the real thing, right? You rock
PS Hello Bright, how the heck are you?????
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Bright!!!! Omg, you can take your ridiculously adorable self, and GET IN ON MY THREAD!! Wait.....do you have shoes!?!?!
You are NEVER hijacking, my dear.... Welcome welcome welcome, always!!!!
I did not mean to exclude you or anyone, for that matter. GB and Mighty happened to post together, and uR, well....she's got a special place in my heart reserved only for her, since she is the person I connected with immediately upon posting here, and she seriously pulled my hopeless mess off of the floor...no matter what she humbly denies.
Shining, I'm very proud of you! It's one step at a time for a while, but you will come to realize that the huge weight that you've been toting around will no longer be there once everything is finalized.
I hope everything goes smoothly and he does what he's suppose to do in taking care of his end of the paperwork.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
And thank you, Job...your words have not left my thoughts, "One step at a time" is exactly it. Also, Job...a few oddities to add to your MLC repertoire...(nothing new to you, I'm guessing)
Stbx Mantras: (not that the "whys" matter anymore, just interesting the mindset and the guilt, avoidance, etc.)
Said he thinks we could date or maybe "hook-up" after D is final. I told him I do not see us being friends after it is final. He was shocked...following script like all the others.
Says "I can't go back, not now or in the near future" (Sooooo....distant future?? Hold my breath??? Ahhhno.)
Continues to blame me, now with the *new* reason being that I walked out of a counseling session in February of 2014 and that was the final nail.
He said he needs the D to happen because he can't move on until then.
He thought I was dating because he saw a text on my phone from a male friend, and made jealous and assumptive comments. "Why don't you just have Mr. G help you with your car?" and, "I'm sure Mr. G will be glad to have the D behind you." ....omg. He was so far off on that.
After he asked, I told him I will not be changing my last name back to my maiden name, but he started sending emails to my maiden name address anyway.
He continues to audition for bands, his talent makes him desirable to many, but for whatever reason...he can't find the right fit. (<<Easy one right there.)
He still has almost no contact with his family, other than his adult kids, now on their own.
He still dates, but has not introduced anyone to his family. I happened to see a woman's name on an entertainment type certificate in the back seat of his car when he delivered D papers to me. I do not believe he is capable of connecting with another person on any deep level at this point.
Deeeeeep in the tunnel he stays.....
Oh! And I just now received a text from him that he wants me to know he is looking in his bank account every morning to see if tax refund has posted, and as soon as it does, he will give it to me. (<<somebody's feeling guilty)
I'm totally losing it sometimes.....early onset Alzheimer's maybe?
Anyway, yes! It does feel good to have the weight of this almost entirely off my back. I'm more broke than I have been since my 20's...but I'm not broken!
Shining, He's still deep into the mlc tunnel and the comments he has said about dating, etc., are very typical mlc lingo. They think that the divorce decree is going to make things all better once the signatures are on the dotted line. It doesn't work that way and he's going to find out that life isn't going to be wonderful w/unicorns and fairies dancing all around sprinkling happiness dust. But, that's his happiness illusion to figure out.
You, on the other hand, have been living in the real world and will be just fine because you are dealing w/things head on.
Continue to live your life and make sure you do it to the fullest. You might be broke financially right now...but I can assure you, you will rise from the ashes and be more financially secure than your h in a year or so.
Shining, you are going to be just fine, please do not doubt that.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Has anyone heard this one before? It's a real knee-slapper.
“A man walks into the courtroom to have the Judge sign off on his uncontested D. He hands the officer the Respondent’s signed waiver, but he doesn’t have the Respondent’s signature on the decree.
“The Judge declined to grant the D.” (Ba dum bum …ching!)
Yeah. That was my stbx today.
***sigh***
It started this morning. Stbx sent me a text asking for the last 3 digits of my DL. I responded that I would look in a minute, and asked what is it for?
No response, so I didn’t send him the numbers.
I then realized he must have appeared in court today to have the decree signed.
Hours go by, and I sent him a text. This was too classic to not share. The convo went like this:
Me: Did you go to court today? H: yes Me: Am I single now? H: not yet Me: What happens next? H: I have to go back Me: How come? …..crickets…
Meanwhile, I went online and looked. There it was in black and white. He didn’t have my signature and would have to return again with a signed decree, or a different set of forms.
Me: Has anything changed in the agreement? H: no nothing changed. I didn’t have a correct form. Now I do. Me: Do you go back tomorrow? (Fair question…I should kinda know when my status changes, right?)
Oh for goodness sakes? It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that you have to have both signatures on the decree in order to make it legal, as well as the date, etc. I'm sure the judge thought he was an idiot for not having the proper forms and/or signatures.
Oh, well...maybe you'll be divorced soon.
Gotta love those out to lunch people and how their brains operate.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
