It's overwhelming, but then I realize did any of us think we could get here when we first got in the boards? Wow, I see the 'new' threads pop up, get the sick feeling in my gut that I know how they feel with their first post and then almost feel good that somehow they found this place and I know they'll be in the best hands and come out okay. Then I see Mozza, giving the advice that him and I couldn't understand when we first got here and it makes me realize how much we've grown. Silver Lining? Maybe, I don't know.
For me I see it like this: It's on WW to change and have some way to initiate R if it's in the cards.
This is great! I agree!
I remember when I first arrived here heartbroken, and you Mozza too. We struggled and suffered and questioned.
I feel like now things are on the upside, like you said Mozza, you envisioned a 1 year period and now you are rethinking your own position within that one year time. That's good I think.
And what MCS said above, it's up to the WAS to come back remorseful and then you can decide what to do.
I'm so proud of you Mozza, you are growing and working so hard. And nice watch btw.
I so agree with what you and Lisa posted above Mozza. I can tell you that after going through a divorce the first time back in 1993. I did not ever want to go through that again. Even though at that time it was me that wanted out my whole life was turned upside down and it took me probably just as long as it has this time to heal
. The difference between the two is that after my first seperation I felt like my life was rollercoaster. The highs were very high and the lows felt really low. I went through a lot of personal growth during that time. I got to know me and what it was that I liked and wanted out of my life. I was very independent and while I dated and wanted male companionship I loved being single. I did not remarry until 2007 after meeting my STBX in 2003.
I remember hearing about others whose marriages had ended and I was so glad to be past that and did not envy at all what they were facing. Divorce is not easy. People think it is the easy way out sometimes but in MHO it's not. I am now almost three years separated. It took me for sure until Jan of this year to feel like I was over the hump. I had happy moments over the last couple of years but I never really felt single or married. I felt like I was in a bad dream in limbo land.
I feel for the new posters too. They are just at the start of a painful journey.
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
PatientMan | Looking forward to the positive effects! For the first time this week-end, I had to people comment positively on my fitness. One of the psychological effects is simply to have the feeling that I'm building something, that I have discipline. So far, so good.
Karma12 | Models has been as invaluable to me as NMMNG, even more than T5LL at this stage. I see a lot of people around here, with the wrong ideas about themselves and relationships, who would benefit from reading it, that's why I recommend the book so regularly, especially the first few chapters. It's very much in line with DB.
LisaB and Karma12 | Funny how the early days make us feel like we're still close to saving the M, while it's probably the moment we're furthest away from it. I feel so much better now, over seven moths later. I wouldn't go back there. I sleep and eat well, I don't think or talk about the sitch all the time, I enjoy my life. And yes, I understand so much more of DB than when I arrived. Something for all newcomers to keep in mind: it gets better.
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GAL report | I had my first swing (the dance!) class tonight. It went as bad as expected. I love to dance alone, but I can't memorize steps or coordinate with someone else to save my life. Still, it was nice to get out of my comfort zone like this and I intend to persist. I also have my gym three times a week. I had the kids this week. There was a lot of bonding. We've had dinner at a friend's of D7, and I'm good friend with the father. I've added a few songs to our family repertoire (Chandelier by Sia, Odds Are by the Barenaked Ladies), including a couple of songs that I wrote. The look in the eyes of D7 when she realizes that a song she likes was written by her father... Tomorrow morning will be the end of a stretch of 12 days out of 14 with the kids. It was tiring but really rewarding. I just love hearing them sing, seeing them dance, asking for hugs or to be held. I love their voices. Despite the work, they make the home so much warmer.
PMA report | I had a couple of bad days, without much reason. Some very small contacts with WW about finances, nothing serious even. No big setbacks at home. I've been emotional, lots of self-pity, bouts of crying. Then in the middle of this, some highly productive hours. It doesn't all make sense, but then again it's an intense period of my life.
IC report | I talked about my anxiety at doing so many new things that are out of character for me, especially the flirting, and my IC said that it was a good thing. Anxiety crops up when my desires hit my limitations. I could choose to back off, stay in my comfort zone and not change, but I hit the anxiety zone repeatedly, slowly pushing it away and evolving. I've to say that, when it comes to women, I do feel more comfortable showing my interest than when this started a little over a month ago. I do plenty of other little things that challenge the idea of "that's not me". This week for instance, I drank matcha (tea) and decided to buy the kit to do it at home. Tea and coffee were the purview of WW and I always said and thought that I had no interest for it, but today I've acknowledged that the matcha was good and that it was time to test this old perception of me. I don't know that it's impressive from the outside, but inside it's quit a thing to constantly ask "Am I really like this? Is this really what I like? What I want? What if I tried something different?"
Detachment report | D3 said tonight "I don't like OM. He's upset at me when I'm noisy when I sleep". It doesn't make much sense, but it tells me that they have started dealing with the stress of having kids (at 28, he was saddled with my two kids). It was the first time that the kids complained about him, but other than that they only had mild jabs at him, such as how he stinks when he's back from his runs. The only "positive" thing I heard from them about him is that he brought them chocolate, but that's from six months ago. Anyway, for the first time today I felt that being a good father may play in my favor one day (for R of course; I know it does in life in general), something that 25yearsmlc (where is she?) tells us regularly. It's a nice thought, instead of being told by WW that it was a reason to dump me since she wouldn't worry about them when they're with me...
Flirting report | Not much, really. The trainer at the gym is cute, there are at least two cute single women in my dance class, sent a (neutral) email to a woman I met at a work event, etc. At least, I'm staying in the anxiety zone instead of giving up! My week alone is about to start, so we'll see.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Mozza....I went through many times where I felt lonely and sad. Now it's different. I actually embrace and enjoy my alone time! It's amazing how our perspective and aditude affect how we feel. You have come so far....you are preparing yourself for the next chapter of your life. Enjoy!!
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
GAL report | Big week-end, as usual. I went to see a sports game on Friday evening and then I went out to dance in a club and came back at 3 am. Nothing much to report except that the only girl that I invited to dance was immediately taken back by.... her boyfriend. Obviously, I had not idea. Haha. Saturday and Sunday, went to a hackathon related to my field. Made lots of business contacts, as is always the case. Friday and Sunday, to the gym. Sunday night with a couple of friends.
Flirting report | I registered on an online dating site. I almost want to say "by accident". I clicked on an ad out of curiosity for how it works, they asked for an address, a birth date, an email... And suddenly I had an account. If you had asked me five minutes earlier, I would have said I was not ready. But now that I've done it, and completed my profile, I realize that I can just be straightforward about where I am. I'm willing to date after all. I mention the separation and not being available for long term. And I see that there are other people in the same situation, looking for something similar. We're so far out of my comfort zone... That's the point.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
I registered on an online dating site. I almost want to say "by accident". I clicked on an ad out of curiosity for how it works, they asked for an address, a birth date, an email... And suddenly I had an account. If you had asked me five minutes earlier, I would have said I was not ready. But now that I've done it, and completed my profile, I realize that I can just be straightforward about where I am. I'm willing to date after all. I mention the separation and not being available for long term. And I see that there are other people in the same situation, looking for something similar. We're so far out of my comfort zone... That's the point.
Mozza,
For once, I headed you off on this one. As you probably read, I did the same thing the other week almost by chance too. Then, not knowing the site; I guess it emailed folks I was 'interested' when I looked at their profile. I'm not ready to date and I pretty much said I was just looking for new connections in my profile. So, I've been talking to some people online and I feel its like a baby step. Its weird, its kind of like this site; its comforting to see others going through similar things. Lots of unsure people out there of what is in store for them.
This site has been an absolute Godsend, but the discussions I see are more focused on what the future holds instead of dealing with what has happened in the past. I think that's what DB is trying to show us, its just we are so broken when we get here. I see that this is the next step for me, although its weird checking this site and then hopping over to that one.
I get the same anxious feeling that you do. It's been all small talk, but you can tell its two people struggling to figure out what to do and uncertain of where to take things.
Also, I read a few posts ago about your ups and downs and I feel the exact same way. Its just I can tell my 'ups' are much more prevalent than my 'downs.' I guess I wondered it would eventually get to this point, but there was no way I believed it in the beginning.
Glad you're doing better.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
Mozza... Sounds like a good weekend. Especially dancing with a taken girl! haha I love that! Keep on keeping on!
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Happy fishing Mozza.....lol. Just be careful online. There are nice people but there are also some that post pics that are years old and there are others that are looking for a hook up. Don't give out any personal info and meet in a public place.
Looking forward to hearing some updates!
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
