Old Dog seeks new trick 12

[Vanilla]

OD

The shaving issue, it is the same with mascara, looking myself in the face. Hadn't thought of it as I used to wear make up.

Must be a reason. I need to ponder.

V

[Old Dog]

Toxic shame

[Maybell]

Are you really going to own her stuff? Own your stuff and change it now in your interactions with others in your life. Make a point of looking at yourself in the mirror, maybe even intentionally as a mindfulness practice. But don't own her stuff.

[Sotto]

Shame was the word that came to mind for me too. If you have a look at my thread in Infidelity, I'm reading Brene Brown at the moment, and it is profoundly insightful in this area. There are also two of her talks on TED - on vulnerability and shame. Reading and hearing her stuff has made me realise that I have some thinking and some work to do...

I hope this is helpful, and I would encourage you to take a look. I haven't read NMMNG (yet!) but a couple of posters have said there are links to that.

Have a nice day OD. I bet if others looked at your face, they would see a good man who is trying to deal with current struggles as best he can. Perhaps you can see the same if you look in the mirror again? Be kind to yourself...

(((OD)))

[Ggrass]

Od given some of what you have raised has prompted me to do a,special kind of update on my thread.

[Old Dog]

Maybell - I'm not owning her stuff. Crikey, I have enough of my own. It's my own toxic shame that I'm ... er ... ashamed of.

Toots - I've watched the Brene Brown TED talks quite a few times. I must get the book though. I'll pop over to your thread again and take a look: I haven't seen it for a while. Sometimes I just take a few days break from posting. If you do read NMMNG, then you know me :-( Well the old me. some of it has been kicked into touch now.

V - I'm not at all worried about ... er ... functioning correctly when the time comes. In fact, funnily enough, my body reminded me that it's in full working order this morning at 5am when I had what can only be described as a [whisper]nocturnal emission[/whisper]. Now there's a coincidence for you. The bedsheets needed washing anyway.

Gg - Looking forward to reading more of your wild story. Go to get the sheets out of the washing machine now and go to work.

[Vanilla]

OD

I wasn't really thinking about the plumbing (F) or apparatus (M) and its operational status ~ heaven forbid!

Maybe I should have.

I am glad that the awakenings that I read on your thread, my own and Ggs imply that just knowing that the light switch is off provokes the unconscious to find a new pull mechanism. The light comes on.

My thoughts were more about the physiological desire which is part of well being. The va via voom of sexual tension rather than sexual conjunction. The desire of connection and the meaning of that to the spirit. The idea and meaning that it is the healthy attitude and outlook, that when I am most comfortable with life that the integrity and integration of body and spirit encompasses sexuality.

I have been musing on the eye contact issue and discovered I can put on eye make up when I use a small mirror. I do not like my face sometimes, it appears distorted in a mirror. Because of my weight I am not keen on my nakedness either. That may be shame too. I can look into another's face as long as I gaze between the eyes rather than at the eyes. Odd.

My other observation is that shame is about who we are, guilt is about what we do. The former may be unhealthy mentally especially if toxic and the latter motivating if it encourages action and change. Is there any way that OD can convert his shame into guilt to encourage forward motion?

V

[Old Dog]

There you are you see. Blokes: one track mind :-)

When I was young and stupid, I used to have trouble looking into anyone else's eyes, always averted my gaze. Eventually in my late teens, I think, I forced myself to do it and gradually, over a few months, I became OK with it.

Conversion of shame into guilt. Hmmm, I may mention this to my IC.

[Old Dog]

I left my phone on mute and in my bag at Leroc last night.

One new beginner and one new intermediate move learned, and plenty of ladies danced with ... which was nice :-)

[Sotto]

Intermediate moves - woo hoo!

I need to get myself there again. Problem is I have a yoga clash....too much GAL!

Good job with the phone muting. Nice to dance with the ladies. I've enjoyed being touched again through dancing. Not having kids of my own and being all tactile with them, I miss it...My Mum likes hugs, kisses and a bit of dancing though :-)