If he starts acting like a 9 or 10 year old then you know that he has gone back in time to work on this issue. I see it happen here all the time.
So how long do you think it takes for a 9 year old to grow up?
Sorry to hijack for a minute this just caught me off guard. My W was emotionally abandoned as a young teenager by her parents and had to take care of herself and her younger siblings. Shes said when our sitch started she wanted to do something selfish and make herself happy for once, take care of herself instead of worry about everyone else. Close friend has said W looks like shes a young teenager with a massive crush on OM. I just never realized they could be connected so much.
Last edited by Fogg; 04/18/1501:04 PM.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
I have my own issues to resolve. My health and my well being are number one right now. I know I can't help him grow up. I still care and worry about him, but need him to make his own decisions. I was almost like a mother figure to him and when my health prevented me from doing that he became distant.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
Diana Yes, work on yourself that's the most important thing to do right now. He will have growing to do but it really is something that he has to figure out himself. You cant and shouldn't help him in taking those steps to grow as a person.
Me and W had a similar mother/son relationship so the comment on the first page about you having to take care of a 3rd child really hit home with me. I remember W stating the exact same thing to me a few times in the past and it always bothered me even thought it was true. I would act like a child and depend on her too much for things I could do myself but didn't do. She would treat me like a child and kept providing those things. It just kept getting worse as the years went by and I didn't realize it until after BD.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
You are absolutely right. He started buying comic books and action figurines. He was obsessed with his video games and would play until all hours of the night. I could have danced naked in front of the screen and he would have asked me to move out of the way. I tried staying involved by asking him about his games and going with him to the comic book stores. He pulled more and more away from me and lost himself to his fantasy world. One of the reasons I went on sick leave, besides my health was to work on our marriage. I was out of the house 50 - 60 hours a week for work. We never had time together. I thought this would give us the time to rekindle our marriage. As soon as I was home he pulled away even more. Only 3 days in he left. Mind you I asked him to leave. I was so angry that he wouldn't even try. In a way I feel I should have just left him alone, but that is what I did for the last year and that seemed to make it even worse. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. Now he has to grow up. He has to be responsible for his own business and his own bills. He has to grow up or hit rock bottom. Either way I can't help him.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
I just deleted my husbands new cell number. I don't want to be tempted to text him. That is what I meant about stupid ideas. He doesn't seem to care about his stuff still being here or his Guinea Pigs. Arrrggghhh! I have signed up on a meet up site. Going to check out a Spiritualist group tomorrow evening and maybe Tuesday go to a meditation group. Yoga in the morning and then Aqua Fitness. Birthday party tomorrow afternoon. Pissed off that my husband is going to continue with the motorcycle club we had both joined years ago. He is training to be a road captain, even tough he told me he didn't want to do it. Most members of the club are not too happy with him for leaving me just after I started chemo. Don't think he will get a very warm reception.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
Today I'm angry. He obviously does not care about anyone but himself. The Guineas are still here. Nothing has been discussed. He ignored my texts about them yesterday and just goes on with his life. His stuff is in the garage and there it sits. He wants out get your stuff! Arrrggghhh!
Last edited by Diana45; 04/19/1503:02 PM.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
I want to cut off all contact and re-home his animals. I want to throw out all his stuff in the garage or even better sell it. But then I think if I do that there will be no way for us to get back together.
Any advice?
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
Get rid of the geuinea pigs. Send him a text saying come get them today or tomorrow they will have a new home. You are not his standby content to pick up the inconvenient pieces of his life.
You cannot really throw out his belongings so just let them sit in the garage. If you absolutely MUST get rid of his stuff then at the most, you can stick them in a mini warehouse and pay the first month. Give him the key and location and let him know that the next months are on him. Do not be a doormat. But if you can live with the stuff in the garage then just leave it.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
I have found a GAL activity!!! Before I met my husband I always wanted my own motorcycle. It is one of the things that drew me to him and I loved being on the back of the bike. All this weekend my heart hurt when I saw a motorcycle, not just because I missed being on the back with my husband, but I was going to miss out on riding period. No more!!!! I am signing up for the course running this weekend and started looking for a beginners bike for me. Open road here I come!
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
