Vanilla Fudged 14

[Vanilla]

I have struggled. My main faults are my dreamy nature and unworldly attitude to life.

I have until recently have few boundaries. I am not very grounded and slightly other worldly.

Plus I have put on weight which is unattractive. I lost my exercise bug and laughter. I hate being broke.

I work too hard and perhaps neglected H after he lost his job. I tried to hold my life together. It started after H lost his job. The rants, alcohol use and endless golf and watching of sport on TV.

I also found screaming banshee. Unattractive. I broke lots of Sandi guidelines.

V

[rd500]

Hi Vanillia. It does seem H needs to control and as you say Vanillia does not come across as someone who would accept controlling

H has suffered a lot of loss and I would imagine this brought about a lot of conflict

If H lost a good paying job as well then it would occur to me that he has lost a huge amount of control in his own life and maybe he transfers that into your M

Again I am far from an expert but you are an intelligent woman and I don't see you not noticing this behaviour if it was always there to this degree To me it sounds like H is in need of an IC as much as Vanilla but he doesn't get that yet

Vanillia you often read between the lines of others sitch in way that amazes me but when it comes to your own I lm not sure you do. For what you have said about H he has suffered a great deal and maybe that's what is causing the current behaviour. Pleas don't think I am defending him because I am a fully paid member of the.Vanillia fan club and nothing will change that.

Just my thoughts Vanillia Chin up and tomorrow's another day

Take care. Rd. xx

[Vanilla]

I don't know if this is worth mentioning but H and his W1 had a virtually sexless marriage. Especially in the last 10 years of M. H says he was fairhful to W1.

V is very highly sexed and has a very high drive in that way. I think H finds that both fascinating and difficult.

V

[rd500]

Just for a moment I lost all sympathy for your H !!!! LOL

[Vanilla]

Or you found it RD?

V

[Vanilla]

Thank you for being my IC RD.

For being there and being RD. My South London Irish friend.


V

[rd500]

Hi Vanillia. sorry I cuddled in with D10'and fell asleep. I'm always here for Vanillia. Wish I could help more with sage wisdom but i will always listen

Your a highly valued person and an inspiration to me

Thanks for being Vanillia. You make a difference Take care. Rd XOXOXOX

[Vanilla]

I love that image RD full of custard with D10 and snoozing whilst watching a film. All comfy cosy.

V

[edz]

Hi lady v

Just been catching up on your posts sorry I haven't come back sooner busy busy evening with s who's a bit ERM spirited right now insofar as listening and then rebuilding a laptop and getting scratch environment on it for him last night, was a late one and bed beconned about 2!

Anyhoo I did CBT a little while back phone based and was helpful I think like me you like practical actions you can look to put in motion and it was good for that lots of things to build checkpoints from sometimes difficult if they are things that one has actively ignored or refused to do ( in my case tackling the depression ) but I'd advise trying it certainly.

Enjoy the day v, hopefully you have some of the sunshine we have here today but also hopefully slightly less wind its very blustery!

All best thoughts

Edz

[raliced]

Hi Vanilla!

We cross paths on the threads of mutual friends now and then, and I'm embarassed that my first trip to your thread is to ask a favor, but here goes....would you mind stopping by the thread of AHW99? I'm a rank amateur in these matters- but her husband sounds like he has some addicitive behaviors, and if nothing else I thnk she could use a Vanilla style pep talk.

Many Thanks!