I just still have a hard time understanding how he meets all his goals that he stated that he wanted and now it's not what he wanted in the first place. Our biggest issue was my reluctance in our SL and taking for granted our relationship. A lot of my 180s are around being more aware of our R and taking care of my looks and being available. But it's hard to work on the R if he's not really ready to talk yet. I've really been thrown for a loop with this silly ring thing.
I think I'm most upset about it because we're still married and living in the same house. But per our conversation the other day, he wanted me to realize that we were separated. He was probably trying to warn me that he was about to take the next step.
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
I just still have a hard time understanding how he meets all his goals that he stated that he wanted and now it's not what he wanted in the first place.
You are making some huge assumptions, like that he KNOWS what he is doing.
He is in a FOG and just trying to stay alive right now.
Yes he is likely to make some more bad decisions coiming up in the future.
You can not control them, and he needs to learn for himself.
It is tough with the ring thing, I used to think the same. And to start I used to mention it to h when he either didn't wear it or wore it on a different finger. And he would snap back at me things like you better get used to seeing me without it. It could be if you're being calm and 180s are working he is confused by your lack of response so like a child- tests you. I could be wrong but I swear this is what my h did. Cadet is right though, this is his fog. And unfortunately nothing we can SAY will help them. But consistent actions of love will help. Hang in there and keep journaling. We are all here for you and you are doing great you really are.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Thanks Cherry, I needed that. For some reason I'm really struggling with this and maybe this week. I'm keeping up my PMA but underneath I feeling very anxious and panicked. Just having a hard time staying grounded.
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
It's completely normal. Even though things are improving for me, the anxiety is still there at times. I think detaching helps and GALing. Keep venting on here, we are all here for you. The PMA will not be going unnoticed. When I ask my H what it was that made him start to change his mind and it was things like that- just seeing me get by with life unfazed. And the fact that when we had conversations I was upbeat and he said it started making him realise what he fell in love with. I'm here for you if you ever need a chat
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
This journey is so hard. You are right Cherry. My H has complimented me several times lately as to how well I'm coping and handling things. It makes me frustrated as he's the reason I have to cope and yet happy that he's noticed my PMA.
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
The ring...if you want to talk to him about it, it is up to you. You should ask yoirself what you expect to get from that conversation. You don't want hollow gestures that will cause more resentment. It is really you trying to control him. It bites, but if he does not want to wear it right now than what difference should it make. His actual bhavior is all that matters in the long run.
What if you didn't say anything about it. Act as if, right...throw him a curve ball because you are focusing more on you and less on him. Keeping your PMA up while he is disrespecting your marriage and disregarding you is not easy. Detaching yourself from his crisis will make it easier to cope with the situation. You will be happier because you chose to be happy in the face of this $hit and went out and did things you've wanted for you and your sanity.
