I just feel that if we quit nothing will happen, that we will be in limbo at least in therapy we talk and she gives us ideas on what to do even though he doesn't really follow thru.
I feel like I will be tossing it to the wind. Maybe there is OP?
I don't say any of this to be hurtful, but what exactly is happening now? You said he won't participate in date nights, family nights, and is angry at you. Sometimes doing nothing is doing something (some very wise peeps here told me that a while back.
Your marriage as you know it is done. Put a fork in it. It totally sukks and is difficult to believe. However, it is true. So you have no choice but to let go of the old M. It IS possible to build a new R. However, holding on with a death grip to something that no longer exists is like drinking poison to kill someone else.
Actions speak much louder than words. Talking schmalking. So you get ideas and he does nothing? Just think about that from a logical perspective for a moment.
Step back and focus on you. You can do this.
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 04/14/1504:14 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Ok back from therapy he says he wants to still work on it. He told therapist that he wants to have feelings for me but he doesn't feel anything for me. He said when he is not in therapy he does not think about me. Very hurtful to hear. How do you not feel something for your wife of 20 years?.
therapist told him he would have to work at getting the feelings back and he said he thought they should just be there now and if not they should come back on their own. She said they wouldn't. He said he would make an effort. Just more of the same thing he has been saying for last 3 months we have been in therapy.
I am giving him two weeks then I am done. I said I would need to see some effort by communicating with me more (baby steps). I don't want to be with someone that does not think or care about me and I don't understand why he would want to stay in this marriage if that is how he feels. Thoughts?
He is gone for a week we will see if he reaches out to me while gone I am not going to reach out to him. We will see. I don't understand if you don't love someone and have no feelings why doesn't he file for divorce?
Any thoughts on this love issue? It is so hurtful to hear those things. How do you just stop loving or having any feelings for someone?
When he said that we were in therapy and she asked me how that made me feel and I said it was upsetting. He just looked at me like there you go. I also said how do you have no feelings when you say that every time you look at me you feel angry. How back in May you were so jealous of a guy at my work you thought I was cheating. He said he has felt that way for 2 years.
Again, I realize this is very difficult and I feel saddened each time I read a new thread. However, you will drive yourself crazy trying to figure out the "whys?", "hows?" and "how could theys?" with people who are not completely rational at the moment. The reality is that although his announcement may have seemed sudden, your h has been internalizing and mulling a change for a looooong time. He removed himself a while back but neglected to tell you until BD. Please know I don't say any of this to be hurtful.
Why doesn't he file for divorce? I'll be blunt......could be a number of things...laziness, doesn't want to go thru the effort, doesn't want to deal with anything, doesn't want to be seen as a bad guy, doesn't really want one (now that also doesn't necessarily mean he wants to work on the M either), etc. It is possible that your h is continuing with counseling to say "he tried everything" to alleviate guilt. Keep reading here. You will see and hear it all.
For your own benefit, take the focus off him. You cannot "talk" him out of this. Actions speak louder than words. Detach and focus on making your life rich. Can you rebuild a R with your h? It is certainly possible although it probably won't be in the time frame you are hoping for.
What do you want? What is important to you? Going to IC is a good step for you and it sounds like you understand the importance of taking care of YOU. Hang in there. It DOES get better:)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Ok I understand. Should I cut off all communication with him unless he reaches out to me? In our couples therapy she told us to say one positive thing about each other every day, of course I have not heard from him and feel he should go first since he moved out and is the one with all the issues. I am in the process of reading DB and it says to change things up. For me that would be quick sending him the every other day text, don't call for any reason and basically live my life without him.
That is hard to do but I am getting better every day.
I feel you are right about the marriage counseling I think he feels it is something he should do even though the other day I told him we could stop if he wanted to.
He texted me today a picture of a motorcycle I did not reply back so then he said I am thinking of making an offer so I finally replied with Good Luck. What the heck? Its like he was waiting for me to say either oh you should get it or I wouldn't buy that one but I did not feed into it.
