hold on! - 9

[u-turn]

Thanks Cadet. I will look into this.

Maybe this is part of my trouble of not being able to move on and act on my situation.

Sex drive is like an annoying mosquito to me anyway at this point.

[Starsky309]

My doc put me on two anti-depressant/anti-anxiety meds during my sitch. One was only to take during an acute attack, like an anxiety attack (I had had one, when I personally saw my wife get out of her car in a department store parking lot, get into OM's truck, and drive away, and I knew she was lying to me again . . .) and the other was a daily med to just kind of "even me out." That one helped tremendously, and it was a good two years before I got off of it once our marriage was all good again.

There's no shame in it, U-t. Lots of people take them, and if it helps you function and do all of the other things you need to do, I believe it's one of those "greater good" things.


Starsky

[claire7]

I resisted meds for years. I take a very small dosage of an AD. It actually helps control my anxiety tremendously. I think the meds saved my life. I don't think I could have gotten out of my own way without them.

eventually I'd like to wean off and do something more natural... but I wasn't able to start that on my own.

Good luck to you.

[Vanilla]

I decided to clean up my act instead. Cut sugar, add exercise and cut alcohol. Sunshine helps as well as rest and crying. I ate clean and tried CBT reframing.

I feel so much better after a good sob.

Doctor has offered Mr ADs and I have them unopened. The changes made it possible for me to cope and I am naturally a green side up, cup half full type. I learned to reframe which helps, journaling didn't but posting here has.

If I need the ADs I would definitely take them. It is another vitamin needed for health but I do believe that it is one vitamin of many required to restore vitality. Throw all resources into it. fresh food, air, exercise and rest. Extreme self care.

If you google the book by Cheryl Richardson you will understand the measures I took. I cut the process from 12 months to 12 weeks.

V

[u-turn]

Thank you everyone for the input about ADs. I am considering all options, but I do think it makes sense for me. (I may try the herbal method because it is easy for me). I do not have a doctor that I see, so that would have to be a first step.

(as a side note, I may keep this from W. Some of her family is on AD and she criticizes them for it. I don't really want to give her more ammunition against me about having issues or being weak - not being able to deal with my problems and now finding a chemical solution. Though maybe I just shouldn't care what she thinks.)

[Starsky309]

Correct -- you should keep this to yourself. Your medical information is your own private business.

[Vanilla]

Personally I think doing everything you can to get your health back on track is strong not weak.

V

[u-turn]

It's been a little while since I have posted, but I feel a little like we are / I am stuck in the mud. We do not communicate any more, though we are in the same house.

She provides nothing for me and I provide nothing for her. She will not take any steps toward rebuilding trust and I don't know if I should ask for them again.

I keep saying that I am ready to move on with my life as me/dad. I have not gotten anything out of my marriage in a long time, it has not helped me - I feel like it has only made me worse. I have only thought of the negative feelings and experiences that I have had in the last 15 months and this is casting a dark shadow over the joy that I have experienced with her over the last 21 years.

I have my second IC appointment today and I am nervous about it. Last week's opened up a lot of thoughts and feelings that I have filed away. I don't know what to do with these feelings and emotions any more.

I have been focusing on my work again, focusing on my kids as usual, looking at getting back into the Habitat for Humanity program again (I have enjoyed this in the past).

[Starsky309]

. . .

She provides nothing for me and I provide nothing for her. She will not take any steps toward rebuilding trust and I don't know if I should ask for them again.

NO, you should not. Boundaries re-stated are boundaries weakened. She already knows your position. If she ever wants to re-commit to the marriage and asks you what it would take, then you can re-state your conditions.

I keep saying that I am ready to move on with my life as me/dad.

Are you showing this by your actions?


Starsky

[u-turn]

I should have said that I am saying these things to myself -not to her.

I believe I am showing this to her by taking care of everything on my own. Kids, house, meals, business. We are acting as two separate entities. When she comes home we have very little interaction. If she decides to interact with the kids, I go do my own thing. I have been showing her that I don't find it necessary (or maybe even wanted) for her to be around.

I am not pursuing her. I am not initiating any conversation. I am not really doing anything for her.

I don't know if she feels that this is me moving on, but she has to know that this is not the team we once had.

She did text me and told me she was feeling overwhelmed and asked me to do the boy's taxes. This was a task that she always did. I texted her back that I did't want to step on her toes but would do this.

She thanked me.

I had shown the boys last night how to do them anyway in anticipation that this may happen.

This is my responsibility anyway.

I don't know if this was a mistake by bailing her out again.

Thanks Starsky