Congratulations on the new job! I am thrilled for you:)
And I agree....boy is it hard letting go (says woman who has huge control issues:). But I believe that the universe or God (whichever way you are inclined to believe) has a way putting things into place. Maybe we like them-maybe we don't. However, I do think when you let go, then you let the chips fall where they may.
Good luck and I hope this new opportunity brings you.....new opportunities.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
And since I know you will be having to make many financial decisions in the near future, may I recommend that you do some reading on the mrmoneymustache website? A fantastic resource that may help you with prioritizing your financial life.
Has been an emotional 4 hours... W sent me a text around 4:30 asking me to come downstairs to talk when I woke up. I had just woken up so I went downstairs... To make a long story short, she can't wait a few more months for me to move out (which I requested earlier this week so I could have time to earn a few paychecks in order to be able to furnish a house.)
We've talked a lot about next steps... lots of tears on both sides... so many things to figure out financially... Needing a huge miracle right now in terms of a new place to live... Was thinking originally of just renting in the neighborhood, but home rentals right now are very limited and not appropriate/comfortable for the kids. Found an ADORABLE little house for sale -- but might still be slightly out of my range unless I could come up with a huge down payment...
I know things will work out somehow someway... But definitely time to move forward in order to give W the space she needs and the reality that she thinks she wants right now.
Just need lots of prayers right now to figure things out going forward. I'm feeling emotional right now, but doing really pretty good considering everything. Not feeling scared, shattered, or broken -- just sad... But I know I'm going to be okay. I'm going to be great... Not afraid to be in my own place, just want to make sure it's a place that is safe, appropriate, and comfortable for the kids - and a miracle that would allow me to buy instead of rent would be awesome for many reasons. Still trusting that God is working all of this into something really beautiful for our family despite what the circumstances appear to be right at the moment.
Still working on my masterpiece and still believing I'm invincible regardless of the emotions I am feeling this morning.
Oh -- in other (very good) news... My start date for my new job is next Monday. Yay!
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
Jer, I am so sorry to read that you've had an emotional conversation w/your wife. Is your name on the house? If your wife is so unhappy w/the way things are, then maybe she is the one that needs to leave for a while, at least to allow you time to get established in your new job and look for a place to live. There is no way that you are going to be able to a place to live quickly and yes, you will need furniture. Maybe you need to make a list of the furniture you would like to take from your current home. In fact, I would go thru the home, identify what you want and give her the list. She needs to face the fact that she doesn't get it all, i.e., that she shared a life w/you and you have two kids together.
Jer, I know this is difficult for you, but don't roll over and give her everything. You are entitled to some of what is there. Don't make this easy for her. If she's unhappy, then she needs to go.
I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Jer - I have been away and not been posting for a bit, so just catching up. I agree 100% with Job.
I don't know what the legal sitch is in your state, but I would urge you not to make things too easy. This is what she wants, not you. MLCers (like narcissists with whom they have much in common) are very very adept at playing the guilt card. Manipulation is the name of the game during MLC. If it were a business partnership she could not behave like this.
These are children you have in common - she has obligations to them and to you as a consequence of changing her mind about how she wants to live her life.
Job and Beatrice -- you are both correct. There are some things that we have agreed that I will take from the house. My name is on the house -- but only at a very small % so she is buying me out (and is planning to be able to do that by the end of May, beginning of June) -- I definitely cannot afford to buy her out of her % of the house.
I wish it were as easy as making her leave since all of this is her choice -- but that won't happen without a huge miracle (like her losing her job which would turn a lot of stuff upside down in both of our lives). I think the best thing at this point -- barring a huge miracle -- is just for me to get out of the way and let her live this reality.
I do believe she is going to wake up and realize that it isn't what she wants -- I do believe she is going to wake up and realize she made a huge mistake and that she really does love me -- but I don't believe that she is going to wake up while I am still here. In fact, there were a couple of things said and done this morning that give me the impression that she is struggling with this decision -- like a part of her already knows this isn't really what she wants, but she's already made up her mind and can't or won't consider the option of backing out of things with OW or trying to reconcile with me right now. (Almost like a pride issue of "what will people think if I change my mind on all of this so suddenly right now?" combined with a lot of confusion complicated by the stress of a lot of things falling apart in her life and a lack of sleep related to all of the above.) Of course, God could have other plans in that regard and maybe she will wake up before things go much farther... But I can't assume that is going to happen.
Having said all of that... I do suspect that the rush to do all of this is because she may be getting pressure from the OW. However, only God knows what is going on in OW's heart and head... I can't presume to know any of that for certain, but I do suspect it based on things I am observing as well as the timing of all of this. But I also think that if that is the case, I also suspect that pressure from the OW may also be based on some doubts and concerns that OW is having -- and I don't think those have anything to do with me. In other words, I think there is more going on with this entire situation than my W realizes, and I think she is in for a rude awakening at some point when real life doesn't match the fantasy of what she thinks life will be like when I am out of the house.
In a nutshell... it's MLC and it's just craziness...
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
Jer, I'm very sorry that this is happening to you. They are just out to lunch and the path of destruction is terrible. Please do whatever you need to do to protect yourself and your assets.
I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
HeavyD -- I don't have a choice... W owns majority of the house and I could never afford to buy her out. I've made peace with this part of the situation -- I do agree that on moral grounds she should be the one to move, but that just isn't going to happen in this sitch.
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
