Ah yes, love language. The first I heard about it was in wife and OM texts. BTW, he is touch and hers is smell supposedly. Who knows what mine is? I was never asked.
Me neither. Just more weird stuff from affair fog. Lol.
Me M51 WW F46 T 17 yrs M 16 yrs 9 children D29 D27 D26 S24 S24 S19 S19 niece18 S17 8 grandchildren ILYBINILWY: 12/15/14 I discover PA 12/31/14 She files D: 1/9/15 She moves out 3/2/15 D papers served 3/18/15
Ok so pretty great weekend. Yesterday I took boys fishing and wife came with. She is better angler than me so showed me a few things. Fun!
Soccer games went well. Good time.
Made steaks / potatoes / asparagus / bread & pudding for desert at boys requests cause they both won their games.
Played cards with the boys for a while.
Watched last three episodes of black sails with the wife. Very awesome series by the way. We were joking and laughing the whole time.
This am, I expected grumpy... Never showed. Wife woke up after me and made me breakfast, her offer. What? She had boys do dishes..but did it nicely.
Later I had to do boys laundry so I said to wife, do you have any laundry you still need to finish from yesterday. She thanked me and went to grab her clothes. She took them and went to fold them. I went to room a bit later and sat on bed. She was still there. I was tired, she wanted to take a nap. We did. She held my hand for 20 minutes, ended up moving and asked if I would snuggle (me big spoon) we did for 1/2 hour.
Went to the gym and had a good time. Came hone and she did more homework. I played guitar for a while, she came up and watched me practice. We went to dinner at granite city brewery and had a marvelous time. We shares a desert and she even took her shoe off and was running her foot on my leg for a few moments (it has been years for since that happened gang)
Tonight is game of thrones and outlander TV shows. Always fun!
What a great day & weekend. No stress. I didn't pursue. She did not feel cold, in fact she sought me out 4-3,times to give me a kiss / hug. We talked for a while about nonsense this am. It was as if we were a family.
Some side notes: I have really made an effort not to overstretch when she initiates physical contact...if there is a kiss don't over do it, if a hug don't let hands linger or roam. During cuddle no groping or whatnot. I really want her to feel comfortable with showing me physical affection without her worrying about me trying to escalate. Clearly there is still a real problem in that department, i don't want to give her a reason to not want to give me the physical affection I want.
We both got reevaluated at the gym...wife's progress with weight loss has been very nice. I am proud of her for the hard work she is putting in. She is down nearly 20# since Nov and is planning on 60# more. Me, well I haven't lost any real weight since novbr, I have athletic build so 150-155# is about where I've been since high school, but my body fat is down from 19% to 11% and lean muscle WAY up. I am very proud of me too!
Sounds like a great weekend. I think your doing great with the intimacy thing- imho I find that so difficult to keep cool when I feel the touch of the man I love so much. Important for them to see our strengths and that we can not be easily manipulated. And we'll done at the gym, it's amazing how much self growth comes of DB-ing
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Thank you cherry...finding out that we are strong, confident people who can live more independently is absolutely one of the biggest benefits of the journey we are on right now. Accepting loss in whatever degree it ends up is something that I've not been able to do and something that I feel like now I can handle what comes.
Wow, so all weekend i had no trouble focusing. no trouble getting done what i wanted without the wandering mind.
I sit down at my desk at work and BOOOM. No focus at all on what i should be working on. my brain has started to meander down different roads, trying to figure things out again. trying to make sense of things. is it wierd that just a matter of where you are sitting makes this dynamic so different?
i feel like i need to take a leave of absense or something to get my head straight. i am so enmeshed with my family that i cannot see the forest for the trees, i cannot see what is really going on in my life. one day i feel wonderful then the next a sense of dread and emptiness. i am in no position to be able to leave my job and meet my obligations to my family and banks, etc...and really i am not a person i would hire right now as a crazy mess.
even my GAL activities almost all include wife or kids or both. that is not entirely positive. i need to get my own life. i need to stop with the constant lying to myself on how things will work themselves out (well it is true things will work themselves out, but maybe not the way i am hoping they will).
My 180's, they are certainly helping make the interaction between me and my wife more pleasant, but is that even the goal here...to make things nice. If there is something going on with her and someone else, is this not the correct approach, no consequences to her actions, still playing part of nice husband. how do i change that dynamic without ripping everything apart.
i need to somehow look at my life and see how in the hell i can move forward. it feels like every step i take i am leaving something unfinished or behind or ignoring something. i am going nuts.
Went to my son's school for a pep rally for a state tourney. Wife came with and was excited. Went back to drop her at her car and she started to cry. she wants to go with him to the tourney. She said that she was sad becuause she has missed many of these sorts of events over last couple of years.
Got texts a bit later when i got to work.
Wife: thanks for dropping me at the car. sorry about the breakdown. i am a bit over emotional i guess. i know i haven't been able to pull my weight or support any of you boys enough lately, and i really hate it.
me: i appreciate you being so open with me! i care about what you are feeling and hate that you are hurting. i am here if you want to talk more about what you are going through.
wife: Thank you for letting me. it feels liek all i ever do is whine, and that is not lost on me that all these issues are the result of choices i've made. I'm sorry.
I just have no idea how to respond. i wanted to write: 'i can see that this is bothering you. we have both made choices in our lives that have affected each other, some i am not proud of. i have tried to make these right with you. i have done some real soul searching and evaluating what was our marriage and what could be. i can think of nothing that i cannot forgive of you.'
is that too much, too little, too much about me i think. aargh! i did not expect anything like this today.
I agree with bravo. I would be overcompensating as well, but that is not the correct DB approach.
Me M51 WW F46 T 17 yrs M 16 yrs 9 children D29 D27 D26 S24 S24 S19 S19 niece18 S17 8 grandchildren ILYBINILWY: 12/15/14 I discover PA 12/31/14 She files D: 1/9/15 She moves out 3/2/15 D papers served 3/18/15
