Holy moly Mozza. Thats a crap ton of GAL, I think you've done enough for the week there in 1 day! Thats awesome though, keep it up. Where you going for summer vacation?
Just a random question, but how did lunch with FIL happen? Seems...a little odd, not bad, but strange that you and FIL would be having lunch while you and W are separated. Idk. Just wondering.
ME: 28 W: 24 M: 2.5yrs T: 5yrs BD: 22 SEP 14 W Leaves: 5 OCT 14
You are amazing! You seem to have so much knowledge about this process.
Thank you for posting all the success stories, I find it very helpful to have it all organized in one place.
Thank you very much.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Barry | Excellent. There's no point in spending energy on finding an answer to a question nobody asked. As I wrote to MCS, either way, it wouldn't even change how I act.
Complex | Thank you! Glad if I can inspire.
Karma12 | I'm very happy to see you've come back. I went looking for you recently. Continue to keep us updated. And yes, I've thought long and hard, as chronicled here, about dating. We'll see where it takes me.
Tarheel | Thanks for the reference. I never got to read his website before. I liked that article: it's a good pep talk for newcomers, in line with DB. I also liked the article "Fcuk Yes or No". I find that it can be good for newcomers a few months after BD, after the initial shock. I've recommended it to TLEE86 today for instance. I know this concept of not settling for someone who doesn't love me fully is on my mind these days.
gan | I forgot to mention: I kept the watch, I was wearing it and I never even mentioned it. And yes, it was all on a Wednesday. I control my schedule so I used the momentum and put off work (and sleep) to the following day.
TLEE86 | FIL wrote me a nice message on my birthday, a month after BD, and then we've taken the opportunity of every birthday to exchange news, so the contact is existent and cordial. When I heard that he would be in town (from abroad), it seemed polite of me to extend an invitation. He accepted with pleasure, as far as I can tell.
Bob723 | You're too kind. My theory is that we all understand parts of DB better than others. For me, the process is indeed clear. On the other hand, I'm not so good with detachment and I've had problems with boundaries. I'm lucky that other LBS and vets have come to my help in the past. I'm very happy to know that the success stories are useful to you. _________________________________
GAL Update | I'll share in this section the new things I do that give me joy. It's a thrilling process of self-discovery. Today, I've accepted that I love Shake It Off by Taylor Swift and added it to my playlists. I've even decided to explore Rihanna, Beyonce and the likes. This was WW's territory and I was a snob about it. I was already concerned I was painting myself in a corner though and that I wouldn't be able to openly enjoy the music that my daughters will bring in the house in very few years. So, no Carly Jepsen yet, but I'm getting there.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Yes, the success stories are very helpful to me and give me hope.
Take care!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
I'm not telling you much about WW these days. The main reason is that she's not really my focus, but it's not that I don't think about her. In fact, through all that GAL, through all my waking hours, there is still this sense of loss, this sadness that's inside of me. Even when I laugh and sing, it feels like I do it against the current somewhat. I feel that something is missing, that I'm going through a very difficult time.
I try not to think about R, but I do, so I'll give you an update. I feel like I'd be better not to R. The two A plus the S are not surprising when I think about my W's character and habits. She values her happiness above all, she relies on external factors to be happy, she has a strong flight reflex, she sees children as work, she needs external validation and passion all the time, she reads romance novels and watches romcom by the truckload, she follows the chaotic love lives of celebrities. She's a fun person but pity the man who marries her and has kids with her. Well, I did. Now she left. Maybe I should just cut my losses. I think she's right that we're not all that compatible. When I think of the ideal partner, at this stage, I want someone who's maturity level and values are more in line with my own. There are too many basic things about life that needs to be negotiated between WW and I.
Where I come from, if a dog bit you seriously, he had a one-way ticket to the vet's office, even if you were so very sad to part with a beloved pet. This memory comes to mind when I think about WW: I love so many things about her, but given the way she left me, is this someone I want in my life? I can answer: not really.
For a minute there, I feel clarity and then I think: Wait, the kids! Shouldn't I give WW every chance to R, at least for their sake? Sigh... Back to square one...
I'm not sure why I'm telling you all this. Perhaps because I feel my latest updates might have given the impression that I'm healed and I've moved on. I progress well, it's true, but my WW is still very much on my mind. I also struggle with detachment and stinking thinking, like many of you. _________________________
gan | Haha! Yes, there are fun parts to becoming a better man. Tonight, D3, D7 and I danced to Shake it off, of course, and I noticed that it's a LBS song, with a call for GAL and PMA:
Just think while you been getting down and out about the liars And the dirty dirty cheats of the world You could have been getting down to this sick beat
My ex man brought his new girlfriend She's like oh my god But I'm just gonna shake And to the fella over there with the hella good hair Won't you come on over baby we could shake, shake
Well ok, that last part if more for people ready to date!
stacey9 | Thank you stacey9! I think of you as I'm going through these steps. It's such a fun thing to spoil myself and push my limits. I hope you're also getting there. Update us!
Bob723 | Excellent! Note that there are also success stories about letting go. It's no accident: as the months go by and we mature in our view of the sitch and M, it's important to keep in mind that it's about saving ourselves first. You might be early to hear that, but keep it in mind. ________________________
GAL Report | I went to the gym for my first real session today. The goal is to beef up a little and not be so skinny. I even bought proteins to eat after the workout! This is all so foreign to me, but it gives me this feeling of truly, truly becoming a new person. It's one thing to think about it, it's another to act and create new habits. I've always said that it was hopeless for me to build a bit of muscle, but now I'm getting rid of these excuses and giving it a real go. It makes me proud to go out of my comfort zone like this to better myself.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Thanks for the update on where your thinking is with regard to your W. Its good to know where that is in amongst your much increased GAL'g
One of the things that has run through my head (and its a reflection of the last few months) has been about trying to work out how much of my grief is about my XW and how much is about the loss of my dream and my routine. I've also found when I think about reconciliation a lot of my thoughts are about wanting it for the kids.
Some of your comments resonated with this for me, though I also suspect our brains do our own rewriting and reinterpretation as a coping mechanism to help us move on.
Nothing wrong with liking a bit of Taylor Swift....
Gan, I look forward to the melon phase, unless that's the summer equivalent of our 'I'm going to eat a lot of homemade soup' phase
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Hey Mozza, I missed you! As usual I can relate to your thoughts and feelings. It sounds like you are progressing well!
The reality is that you do have kids together and that you did choose her to be the mom of your kids, no matter what her shortcomings are. But at the same time, you can't control her or the future. So you just have to keep moving forward and see what happens. Shake it off baby!
You're awesome Mozza. I wish you lots of happiness and continued strength on your road.
