Agree with minimal interaction only at this point. She is disrespectful and selfish, and doesn't deserve your concern at this point. Not to say that you don't care about her. I know you do, but she has to earn your conversation.
And what's with calling 3-4 times per night? That seems controlling to me. She has every right to speak with the kids, but not by disrupting your home routine. Set up some ground rules about time of communication and stand firm.
Me M51 WW F46 T 17 yrs M 16 yrs 9 children D29 D27 D26 S24 S24 S19 S19 niece18 S17 8 grandchildren ILYBINILWY: 12/15/14 I discover PA 12/31/14 She files D: 1/9/15 She moves out 3/2/15 D papers served 3/18/15
She will just keep calling until she gets to talk to them. Last night it was 4 times. On the 4th ring, I did pick up because i was actually in the house!
What are your decisions about your paperwork? Are you moving forward or are you stalling out? Have you hired an attorney yet? I think your WW does not want an attorney - that in an of itself is a big Red Flag. That is emotion talking not logic.
I hired attorney and they sent my response yesterday. She should get it today or tomorrow, and will go ballistic. I gave her the opportunity to work with me, but told her I would not negotiate on 50/50. She wants me to take all the debt and not touch her retirement. Sorry, but I'm not agreeing with that, especially after your selfish actions.
Honestly, knowing her as j do, I think she is totally acting on emotion and feels like she must finish what she stRted. She has to prove to herself and others that she can stand on her own without me. Fair enough...I will grant your wish. I'm sure she also wants to show OP that she is doing everything in her power to get rid of me and be 100% dedicated to him. I suspect that he is gun shy and won't be able to handle her drama. Hope so anyway.
Me M51 WW F46 T 17 yrs M 16 yrs 9 children D29 D27 D26 S24 S24 S19 S19 niece18 S17 8 grandchildren ILYBINILWY: 12/15/14 I discover PA 12/31/14 She files D: 1/9/15 She moves out 3/2/15 D papers served 3/18/15
Feeling pretty good about the week so far with just me and kids:
I have:
1. Purchased a trampoline with netting for family use and exercise and just plain fun.
2. Scheduled a trip to Disney for me and kids plus friend and her kid. I organized where we will stay.
3. I have worked with D6 in the yard, we are trying to convert some grass area to natural landscape. She like to be a big helper and it was fun for just the two of us. We have covered the grass in order to kill it. Our lawn guy does not like the idea (for obvious reasons).
4. Have managed to work on homework, keep laundry done, hired a cleaning lady for every 2 weeks to help me keep on top of it all.
5. Have not heard anything from you know who about l letters.
6. Staying focused at work, continuing to see my IC, Psychiatrist, and working out.
7. I am trying not to be a worry wart about everything. This is hard for me as this is natural tendency.
8. I have scheduled a medical procedure for next week and arranged a friend to drive me home. I am not telling you know who - none of her business.
9. I am organizing the house how I want - moving stuff around, tossing a lot, giving stuff to goodwill, etc...
10. Logging my journal daily and my gratitude journal as well.
I still miss my R and my old life and always hold out hope that something will change in my sitch. Regardless of the outcome of my R, I am gradually realizing I can do this and be OK. It still pops into my head every now and then, does she miss us? It feels good without all of the drama.
Thanks for all of the support DB board. I am feeling stronger which is a good thing.
I feel like my WAW is trying to prove she can go thru with our D (she filed 5 months ago).
Please, please hang in there!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Yes, it feels like I am in an unwanted game of "chicken". I have made it clear where my desires are for our family. She has made it very clear what she wants and what is "best" for he.
I can't stop the D but I will not make it easy and just roll over either. I want her to feel the full force of the natural consequences of this action.
I have taken every action I can to protect myself and my children during this crisis. I do not know the outcome but I will fight for my family.
Good for you, Heavy. Be the best that you can be for you and your children. What will be, will be. That's a hard reality for all of us. Take it one day at a time and do the right thing.
Me M51 WW F46 T 17 yrs M 16 yrs 9 children D29 D27 D26 S24 S24 S19 S19 niece18 S17 8 grandchildren ILYBINILWY: 12/15/14 I discover PA 12/31/14 She files D: 1/9/15 She moves out 3/2/15 D papers served 3/18/15
At least I have stopped being the doormat and letting WW run me down. That has stopped and my self respect has risen. That part at least feels good. I refuse to rise to her bait, resist her attempts to "push my buttons", do not react to her putdowns, and just don't get get involved in the drama. I have stopped doing that dance.
I will continue to keep my eye on the prize (intact family) but will also do what is right. I am teaching my children how to react in a crisis and also what makes a good person - not to lie, cheat or steal and what marriage is and isn't, among other things. I am not running anyone down, just reaffirming our values.
