Alpha One, Alpha All #

[mvgfwd2]

The agent may also be able to tell you what you need to do to get the most out of it. So talking to the agent (together!!) would be a first step. Then plan for what needs to be done for the sale. It doesn't look like there is a reason to rush it and leave money on the table.

[Sotto]

Alpha, you co own the house, so this proceeds at a pace and in a way that you are comfortable with, okay?

Have you seen a L yet? I can't recall. But they are likely to advise that you only sell the house as part of a full financial settlement. Jim and his W did this, and it is what I am hoping to do with my H - ie: formalise the separation.

Don't be pressured into doing anything until you are comfortable. If needs be, just let your W know you are thinking about it and will get back to her in a few days.

[alpha99]

I was thinking myself prior to calling that I will need to finally seek legal advice, as where it regards the sale of a house it becomes very serious. I don't want to be caught short where we sell the house, W blows all her cash relatively quickly (as she is likely to do), we D, and she claims half of my share if I don't spend it.

I would like to say she would never do that but of course who she was and who she is are now two separate things.

There are a few L's around who offer a free consultation. I will arrange one ASAP regarding this. I have really wanted to stay away from solicitors. I know I need to protect myself here. I can't help feeling there's a different culture here in the UK with regards to solicitors/lawyers than there is in the USA. Yeah, I know in some cases it doesn't matter; if the situation demands you get one then you better had.

My thoughts persist though that should I get the ball rolling, W (through MIL) will see it as an attack and things would get nasty. I'm not trying to nice her out of anything, nor am I scared at this point of D (not wanting to is another matter), but knowing my W as I do I think it would set off a trigger that would be hard to stop.

Does anyone have any thoughts on that?

[HeavyD]

You need to protect your largest asset - your house - protect it with a lawyer

[Starsky309]

You need to protect your largest asset - your house - protect it with a lawyer

x 2.


Starsky

[Luis P]

Hi Alpha,

My opinion to best action I would take, picture like this, and before I say this, I know you may think, "well, I am here to save my marriage", there's ups and downs and is in my opinion best for you and your children along in accordance to your wife and you to be amicable.

I would recommend you seek a lawyer for advise, reason said, as you stated above, you have sold the house, she spent the money she would claim D and half of your share, and you will be left with less and is unfair for you.

I believe when consulting a lawyer, suggest whether maybe have some legal document that this can be a bond for the house or all things, meaning that once sold, she cannot claim this if D takes place or alternative suggest to the solicitor and have your wife laid with the options on the table whether if there is no legal doc which I believe there is but in agreement with your wife signing and in case she does not take it negative "MIL" as per your comment, deciding to sell the house, then possibly a divorce would cover the assets and protect yourself.

Again, you need sometimes to make decisions not for anybody's comfort but what is best for you and your family. In this case, as you said, your wife is no longer who you knew in the past, and also don't forget influence from the outside who can change her state of mind.

Maybe somebody may have a different approach in the forum, but this is just my opinion.

[mvgfwd2]

I agree. The MIL, or W's lawyer, may urge W to go for anything and everything. Get your legal work in order to protect yourself. It's not being nasty but being prudent.

[Sotto]

Alpha, I think pretty much all UK solicitors offer half hour free consultations. If you can, I would see at least 2 or 3 (your Q's develop as you go along) before you choose someone.

Once you actually choose someone and start consulting with them, the costs do mount. My S charges £220/hour, which I think is pretty standard if they are a partner in the firm.

Your sitch is similar to mine in that we are trying to save the M, there is an OP involved and your S has now asked to sell the house. I was quite keen just to sell and not settle anything else for now. But my S advised strongly against it. This may depend on how complex/substantial your assets are. I posted her advice on my sitch & will post a link for you.

My H didn't want to involve L's, but I told him I wouldn't want us to take such a big step without proper advice. We have also chosen solicitors who practice 'collaborative law.' This is something to ask those whom you see.

I found it hard to take the step of seeking a L, but I am glad now that I did..

[Sotto]

Here's a link to what I posted after L appt on 25.2.

In my threads following that will be some interaction with H..

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2545660&page=3

[alpha99]

Hi Toots,

Thank you very much for that valuable information. I am going to look right into it now. I will research collaborative law also.

I have been dead against use of L's as I've said, but this is not something I can't get wrong.

I suppose a consultation with L will answer this but I was wondering whether I could find out my rights, where I stand with regard to W claiming my 'house money' further down the line if a D should come about, and have that in place (a plan of action, or maybe confirmation that she couldn't take it, some signed agreement solely regarding the house etc) and then hold it back until a point where it may be needed (D proceedings)

I am all for protecting myself over the house. I just don't want to pre-empt D proceedings or reach a point where W (or MIL) thinks well, we might as well save £££ and do the divorce now since we're selling the house.

W and I are definitely getting on better. As I wrote before, even conversation over house sale was not strained. W may just be being nice to get what she wants. She certainly hasn't shown any clear sign of wanting to work on M. She didn't mention divorce throughout house conversation though, more 'you're living with your parents and I'm in my house, so we don't need that house just sitting there.' Again, I'm not daft enough to neglect the idea she is just being nice to get her £££.

Our short conversations on other non important subjects are improving with each interaction as well though. I know OM is still in the picture to whatever degree. I know that any sort of reconciliation (even the makings of one) would at the very least be many months away - if at all. I just want to get things right and not blow it at a crucial point.

Obviously handling this in a way that protects myself whilst not unnecessarily antagonising W is key.