I have had a lot of time to think and I do not believe my wife is back. The more I think about it...the less likely she is coming out of the WAW fog. Instead I think I am being manipulated. I feel like a dumby. Uugh. She presents crumbs of affection with one hand then pushes me away with the other. I need to double down on my changes for me. GAL gets pretty cloudy comming up for next two months with soccer season. I coach s10 team already and s13 coach has quit so somehow I got volunteered for his team too. Busy weeks ahead. Wife actually said she would help with the middle school kids if I needed. Don't know how that would go...could be fun or not. I will see how the first practice goes on Wednesday.
hmkies, I can relate to how you feel about the affair. Cadet is right! I should have noticed the signs a long time ago. My W read lots of romance novels to start. Than I noticed a picture on her phone of a girl and a cowboy kissing in a barn. She put this as her profile picture on things. It made me feel weird. Like she was wanting to be that woman. I asked about it and she said she just liked the picture. Whatever! I'm no expert, but it is tough to compete with fantasies!!
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
She might be having an affair with a fictional character only in her head. Does she read romance novels?
Some, I do sometimes feel like I am being compared with Jamie Frazer from the outlander series...she is 8000 pages into that one, book 9....I'm only on book 2 (I work on house, etc and don't get much time to read).
Just got a few texts from her saying (in regards to me waking up for a scared 10 year old from nightmares, had to sing him to sleep like I used to every night when he was smaller - both of them actually. Sweet baby James is awesome night-night song)
Wife: Thank you so much for taking care of (s10) last night. I didn't even hear him. You are an amazing father.
Me: Thank you (wife)! Those boys mean so much to me.
Wife: I know they do. We are so lucky to have you.
So confusing because a good father is not good enough. Good husband is not even good enough.
I don't understand your post. "Why is this different"
What do you mean by that? Does it mean that he would care for her in the hospital and it would not make any difference in her WW mindset?
It is in reference to him being a good father or husband. He feels that is not good enough.
Originally Posted By: Cadet
Originally Posted By: hwkies
Wife: Thank you so much for taking care of (s10) last night. I didn't even hear him. You are an amazing father.
Me: Thank you (wife)! Those boys mean so much to me.
Wife: I know they do. We are so lucky to have you.
So confusing because a good father is not good enough. Good husband is not even good enough.
What makes you think this is about YOU?
If a brick fell off a wall and hit her in the head, and she was unconscious in the hospital, what would you do?
Why is this different?
I guess my point is if our spouses were in a coma in the hospital, what would we do? Is it different if they died? I understand that they appear in front of us and seem to be a shell of the person that they once were, they do not appear dead or mangled.
But personally - no matter what they are doing - I would be a good father. And if my wife wanted nothing to do with me I would love her enough to "Let GO" even though that is not what I wanted.
I am not sure I understand. I appreciate your insight and am glad you have offered assistamce to me. Are you saying that her situation is out of my hands and No matter what us going on with her side I should just continue to do what i am doing? not try to figure out if there is an emotional or physical affair that I am dealing with? Just keep on with my improvements for my own sake...I am not averse to me doing that at all. I've been putting in the effort to figure out my root flaws and see what I can do to fix them including reading, experimenting with behaviors and seeing IC for bouncing my thoughts and feelings. I've also engaged close friend I. Some convoys for both our sakes. To answer your question, As my wife and partner, I would still try to care for her With every shred of my life, every resource that is available. I would do the same for my children or my brothers, or anyone in my family. That is who I believe I am. Now if she is no longer my wife or has no desire to be a part of that family, if she is willing to reject what I am willing to offer her and to leave, I would still be concerned. I would be upset. Would I give everything that I have to support her after she left...I don't know. Maybe I still would. I've not thought about what I would do in that case.
A number of years ago my youngest brother came to me, hat in hand and asked for a loan. He said for college. I declined him a loan (he had stolen a credit card from me a year before so I would not give him money). He told me that no body would help him, mom and Dad could not. I said I would outright pay for it if he kept up his grades. I went down to the college, sat with him in councillors office, went back with him for placement tests. Went back to enroll him, Bought books, etc. I paid for everytiing directly. At midterm i asked him for his grade summary. He would not give it. I ended up sweet talking the nice young lady at the Registrars office to get his grade report directly. He had withdrawn from all of his classes after a week. I am sure he retirned the books as well. It was a betrayal I've never felt before. He has never apologized. I still do not consider him a part of my family. I send a note on his birthday and speak with him at Christmas. That is it. It hurts me still today nearly 13 years later. If he were to apologize to me, and mean it I would take him back into my life and embrace him like one of my other two brothers. Old grudges vs. Absolute and utter betrayal of faith and trust from someone you lov3 like that would be hard without some real repentance from them. I've never told any of my family of my brothers deception, I have warned them to never give him Money. That feeling of betrayal is what is welling in my stomach when I think that my wife could possibly be having an affair...now the difference between that and her hurting and needing assistance is huge.
Are you saying that her situation is out of my hands and No matter what us going on with her side I should just continue to do what i am doing? not try to figure out if there is an emotional or physical affair that I am dealing with? Just keep on with my improvements for my own sake
YES! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I am not saying not to have boundaries. YES - you need those for your own protection. I perfectly understand the giving and giving part too.
You need to protect yourself, and not be taken advantage of, just like the lesson you learned with your brother.
You need to know that - people lie! They can not always be trusted.
And with the first bit of advice that I give you Detach. Believe NONE of what they say and half of what they do.
WHY - cause in all likely hood their is some lying going on.
