Oh, and when I got home today, I had a gift in my garage from my mom's friend (she was my 5th grade teacher, I was friends w her daughter growing up. Her xh cheated on her. I have confided in her a couple of times over the past year... or sought advice) Anyway, I haven't talked to her in a couple of months. She left a sign in my garage,
What did you do for you for YOUR birthday? If nothing its not too late to celebrate YOU.
Happy Birthday (belated)
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
You've been busy over the weekend and I'm sure your kitchen will look fabulous when everything is completed. It is now your creation and you can do whatever you want w/the design. It's nice when family can come over and help out and if they didn't want to be there, they wouldn't have been there, i.e., regardless of xh's.
I'm sorry that your xh didn't acknowledge your birthday, but right now, his attention is elsewhere and will be for quite some time. It's par for the course w/people in crisis.
Mighty, I think you are doing great. It's difficult dealing w/the fallout once, but to have to go thru it twice...it's even worse. Hang in there! You are rebuilding your life one block at a time and when you are done, you will then be able to sit back and smile at all that you've accomplished.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi bright! Thanks! No, he didn't say what he wanted. No one gave him the opportunity to say anything! S18 hasn't spoken to him in several weeks. Maybe two months?? S18 does not call, respond, not text him, so I think xh saw him and wanted to chase him down to talk to him. S18 hasn't spoken to him since xh Made him late for school and xh called to tell him he was on xx street. The one w the house w HWW. S18 was mad! It's xh's way of letting him know he was. Back w HWW.
Ur- thank you, thank you. Mmmmmm... You get it. Ya just do.
2b- thanks. Friends at work bought me lunch and gave me a gift cert for a spa day! It was so nice & thoughtful. I love them. My mom wS here when I got home from work. She & s18 had made me a cake. Kids and I had cake and ice cream for dinner! S18 got me a bracelet & perfume. It was nice. My good friend called from another state and we chatted & laughed for awhile. So... It was quiet. Peaceful.... Positive.
Hi job! Thanks. Yeah... This is no joke. But.:. You know that. I was thinking how much time has passed while I have been on mental sabbatical. It's amazing that the world goes on without me! Who'd a thunk it?! But seriously, time has passed- and I have been still. Waiting. I'm not exactly even sure for what. It's unbelievable. Just unreal. So- bottom line- I've got to stop trying to unravel this. It ain't gonna happen regardless... And in the meantime, as I focus on untying the, inevitably impossible, tangled mess of a knot, everything around me continues on with life. And... So shall I.
After bd, I had lots of dreams about xh. For a long time- months- about the old xh. Same after nuke. This- the abandoning ship thing has changed my dreams. My dreams are now of the new xh. Ick.
His appearance last night rattled me a little. But you would never know it. I feel ok. I was actually in a fantastic mood today. Like I haven't felt in a VERY long time. Prebd! Still have a ghost hanging around, but didn't let it deter my happiness at all. But... It did get me thinking. You know... That part of me will probably never fully expire. But this is seriously the longest I have ever gone w/o contact. Ever. From his part especially.
I guess he remembers me telling him that it bothered me when he would contact me after nuke. To which he was astonished! (His astonishment to that made me astonished!) and I straight up told him no more communicado!!! Which he tried- and I denied. Sooooo... It's definitely different. It's good. But, of course, makes me wonder.../ but not for long. I kick myself to snap out of it. Stop looking backwards! Who cares! Ah well.
You know, Mighty, when we are traveling through life trying to navigate its waters, we arent really paying attention to the swells and tides.
But when something this monumental happens, it tips the boat and gets our attention. We lose our footing. And for a long time, no matter how hard we try to right the boat, we cant.
It is because we have experienced something we have never experienced before. Something so catastrophic that we dont know how to get back on track.
It makes us question all that we thought we knew..about our spouse, our marriage and our view of the world.
When we look within, we have to harness the strength we sometimes didnt realize we had.
But it takes time to really get our mind around all that transpires. It makes us question our beliefs and our ability to see what is true.
While we are doing all of that..we have to mourn the end of our marriage and family as we knew it. We have to let go of the one person we thought we could count on most in this world.
How can we do that? How can we say goodbye to someone who has meant so much?
It is no wonder that it takes time to find our footing.
So, you questioning how he can not contact you is all part of that. While consciously you know the answer..that he is in crisis, subconsiously you are thinking, that doesnt go with what I knew to be true.
It is a process, this. Sometimes we want to rush it along. But the truth is that each and every part of this..the getting your mind around it, the mourning it and the accepting it are necessary to get you to the place that you will get to..and that is peace.
One of the best ways to get there..is to accept that some things are just beyond comprehension. This is one of them. We can get that they are sick, but, not how it really affects them.
You are sad. This is sad. It is sad for us and for our children. It isnt how we thought it was going to go. We have to right ourselves and navigate waters we didnt see coming.
We will. We do. It is a different life than the one we thought we were going to have for sure. But different isnt bad. Its just different.
I know you are going to have an amazing life, Mighty. I can feel it in you. I wish you could pass all of the crapppy stuff to get to it. But, then it isnt as sweet.
Mighty - I am right beside you slogging through the grief. We think we are accepting of things we really are coping more than accepting. Acceptance feels like hopelessness in this situation. At least it does to me right now.
You have been dealt a lot. Remember how strong you've been and embrace your life in this moment. You are coping and in this moment coping is pretty freakin' fantastic! You are going to get stronger with each passing day.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
Mighty - something Ur said - the person we thought we could count on most in the world. I have come to realise that part of their panic stricken behavior is that they know they have ceased to be that person.
Chose not to be, were driven not to be, however we put it, but for all their bluster, they don't like what they have done to us. There is, stuffed deep down, guilt, shame and eventually, I think, remorse. Even if they never show it to us. It eats at them. They know they can't be relied on.
Your xh is doing what my xh did - pursuing the children, and trying to 'make' them have a relationship. Will not see that these things, once given freely out of love, have to be earned again. Again they know this deep down, but will not acknowledge it.
