Keep on keeping on

[Underdog]

CaliGuy - Hey, my color is achieved with the help of a chemist, so don't feel bad about the grey!

She is hoping that I feel guilty or emotional, and give in to her unfair demands.

Yes, they all seem to share that in common. But they forget that some of us out here are decent negotiators when it comes down to dissolving the business aspect of a marriage. That's why lawyers are necessary. I didn't need one, because I'm a good negotiator. I knew what I wanted and we used a mediator. But we're the exception rather than the rule.

Good luck, and enjoy your kids this weekend.

[HeavyD]

Kramer -

Yep - I feel the same.

Weird thing - I just chatted briefly about drop off time with kids at work, she wanted to bring them to our house, I declilned and asked her to just drop them off at my work.

No reaction whatsoever about lawyer leetter (s).

Not sure if that is a good thing or bad thing. I guess the lesson is not to be concerned as I don't have any control.

All I can say is that I am acting with honor,dignity,courage and no expectations.

[HeavyD]

So I met with the wife and we exchanged the kiddos.

AFter hugging and kissing the kids and loading their gear into my car, I nodded a hello to her.

I said here is the tax paperwork, for her to sign. After much pantomime, she signed. She asked a question about something and I said I don't know. She then said I asked you Wednesday? I said, I still don't know. She said "Why didn't you call the accountant". I said it is Good Friday and most places are closed.

She then asked about s9 school which I said I am not sure. She said "What does that mean?". I said I really don't know, but it has something to do with points.

She then put the tax papers in the driver's seat of her car like she was going to drive away with them. I opened up the car door and grabbed them out which made us both laugh. I walked over to get in my car and she said "Run away,see you only respond when I threaten you."

That's just sad. Any other way I could have handled better?

Maybe I should not have grabbed the tax papers out of her car, but jeez they are due next week! That interaction was not honorable or dignified.

[HeavyD]

Another thing I wanted to point out.

We cant seem to look at each other in the eyes. It is bizarre but when I try to look at her, her ears are darting aroud and she wont focus on me. She can talk to me, about me, around me just not look at me.

What on earth is that about?

[Zues126]

It takes time, but I think you have to stop looking in the mirror of your WAS. Mind reading about her eye contact is a dead end road. Worrying about how she felt about your wording of a few sentences. We all have been there. But ultimately that will drive you crazy.

Do YOU feel ok with who you were today? Did your behavior come from you being the person you wanted to be? If so I wouldn't worry about it. This will be tested because as you detach more and more she'll react more and more extremely (positively and negatively) to try to maintain your attachment. Just take all of her reactions with a grain of salt, as she's not in a stable place. Get stable yourself and trust yourself, the vets, your DB coach, and neutral/qualified advisers.

[HeavyD]

Good point Zues

Yes, I feel good about how I handled myself.

I told her in advance I would have the tax papers and that she would need to sign to which she agreed.

I didn't react or respond when she made disparaging remarks about me "running away" and her "threats". I did not respond or react, I just drove away with the children and didn't look back.

[Wonka]

Heavy,

I think you did good with the kiddo switcheroo and keeping your wits about you.

She then put the tax papers in the driver's seat of her car like she was going to drive away with them. I opened up the car door and grabbed them out which made us both laugh. I walked over to get in my car and she said "Run away,see you only respond when I threaten you."

W is off her rocker with that comment which was designed to push your buttons and guilt you. Shame on her. You did a superb job in not reacting to her dig at all. Well done.

[HeavyD]

A dilemma:

I have found out that ww is on the rocks with OW. They only speak on the phone about one per week. I have not done anything with this informatin, just filed it away. It has been 6 months. No expectations.

This weekend's GAL:

Today is easter egg decorations with D6, Dinner with friends at kids at 5 and get ready for church tomorrow.

Tomorrow: Church, Easter egg hunt, brunch with friends and the Easter Bunny. Get ready for school on Monday.

That is all.

[Sotto]

Hi Heavy D - interesting! What I would say is that my H's R with OW has been pretty rocky from the start. They were together for 6 'blissful' weeks. Then they split up, then back again, then split, then back, then rocky. Now I think split, but not sure...

But, even if things are rocky, if neither of them is in a 'good' place, there can be toxic cycling going on for some time between them.

And even if things don't work out with OW, the WS may just move on to dating as my H has. The thing is, they think OP is 'the answer' - but things don't work out. So - where's the cheese now? Maybe it is with OW - try again. No. Maybe another OP? Give that a try. No. And so on.

A lot else may need to happen before introspection and perhaps a different realisation. If things don't work out with OW, this is where we often see that she truly is just a symptom, because the lack of her doesn't lead to a return to the M.

I'm not trying to pour cold water at all. If things have soured with OW, that's a step along the journey, which is good of course.

Sounds like you'll be having the full Easter experience tomorrow.....enjoy!!

[HeavyD]

Hi Toots

I agree that whatever happens with the OW is just a step in the process. That does not determine anything one way or another for me. We are still in the D process.

I really don't know if this situation is because of the OW or if the OW is a symptom of a larger issue or MLC or what. I have given up trying to figure it all out and don't want to give it any more headspace. It's just not healthy for me. And it's her issue, not mine.

In my dreams, she will "wake up" and realize what she has done and beg to come home and our family will be reunited. In the real world, this is not going to happen, I know that. A girl can dream through....right??

I am still in NC most of the time, unless it's about kids. As much as I want to, I don't call, text, am off facebook, etc... That has been really really hard for me as she was my best friend, wife and partner, for 19 years.

If my mind wanders, I still long for her and only wish I had a reset button. So, the key for me is to not let my mind wander, I try try try to stay busy.

In addition to all of the Easter stuff going on, my kids and I played tennis today! That was super fun, we didn't get many balls over the net but that's not the point.

As I am sure everyone know, I hate every stinking second of this and the D process. I am doing what I have to do for protection even though my heart tells me it's the wrong thing to do.

Fallout continues along economic lines, and we will see how the L thing works out.

Thanks for responding Toots. I really appreciate it.

Now back to Easter eggs!!!