I changed up my detaching method yesterday. I reread the detachment stuff on here. I have seen that I have been rather cold the past few weeks. I have talked to W. But not much. Have not started any conversations. But have answered her when she talks to me. I have looked her in the eye( well I guess side of the face). She won't look at me at all lately. I have not been mean, but have distanced myself.
Yesterday, I acknowledged her. Said hello and asked her what all was happening when I came home last night. I also talked to her some at lunch. She said one of her friends was asking her about how I would handle a coaching situation. Last night I did some fun things with kids. I talked alot with older S. I was just my normal happy self lately.
Got a text this morning that she is going to town and might be late coming home. Also was telling me that she is going to see her mom and dad in May for a few days and planning to take the kids to see them some time this summer. It is was a long text. It is the most she has texted to me since I got my own cell phone plan.
I do feel better about detaching like this. It feels different. But at least I am not coming off as a jerk.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
Well the trip on D birthday is not going to happen. D does not want to go without W. I understood. When I told W, she was relieved. She said it was going to be hard for her to take time off for her surgery and that. Plus she said it would be awkward! To me it was just a family trip. But whatever!
I have a feeling she is going to be heading home to help her mom sometime soon. Who knows how long she will be gone or if she will come back. Last night she actually talked to me about how her mom was doing and actually looked me in the eye. I listened. Later I sent her a text saying that I was sorry her mom was not doing well. She said she felt helpless because her mom can't do anything right now and she is not there to help her. I told her I can understand how she feels and that I am sure it is harder for her being this far away from her mom. I hope I validated her feelings okay. I never offered any advice.
There is a slight bit of fear with her going home to help her mom. Some of the girls she works with live close to the same area she grew up and also the guys number I found months ago was from that area. But I am LETTING GO! To be honest, I would not mind a break from the home drama. I'm sure my kids will take it hard. My youngest B gets upset when she goes to town. I have also decided that if she goes down there and does see someone else or anything of that nature, my M will be done. Like I have said all along, I have no actual proof, but if I ever find some than I will be moving on. But who knows, maybe she could go home and get a wake up call also. I hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
I am sad you and the kids aren't going to a fun event. I do believe you should.
Joe, I am deeply suspicious that your WW is having a full blown A or is stating one.
Another thought occurred to me, I was sitting in a Gamanon meeting and one of the members described her H behaviour prior to discovering he was a compulsive gambler, secretive and computer locked. So this is very addicted style behaviour. The description made me think of Joe's WW.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
V, thank you for thinking of me. Last night I struggled alot with what to do. I am reaching the point of talking to a attorney. She is addicted to everything she is doing right now and I feel it is time for me to move on from this destructive life. My biggest worry is how to pay for a attorney so I can fight for custody of my kids.
Last night I enforced another boundary. W has been becoming close friends with one of the single moms that works for the company she does. She was going to have this girls D and our D become pen pals. I told her that I am not comfortable with her giving out our address or any personal information to these other girls she works with. She is putting our children at risk and that is not okay with me. We don't know these people. I do NOT take chances with my kids. Of course she got defensive, but I said my peace. Than she ended the conversation with " I am still taking the kids out to see my mom and dad this summer".
She has a surgery coming up in a couple weeks. I think after that is over and she is healed, it is time for her to go. My kids will be hurt, but I can not live with this type of behavior and betrayal and resentment towards me. It is amazing the anger she has towards me some days. And I don't even hardly talk to her much.
Had a good night detaching from sitch last night with the kids. Played some in house mini golf. Than I woke up this morning and was very sad watching my S sleep and knowing what is coming. He has been acting out lately at home already.
I think W is going to be getting a see you later and have a good life letter soon!!
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
I am one of the believers in Intel and having a clear idea where I am legally, financially and emotionally.
This to me means interviewing Ls to find which one to work with, often the first interview is free of charge. Knowledge is power in these sitches. But keep this confidential to yourself. Instead of wondering, know what is needed, know what your L believes your position is.
It may be time to revisit boundaries, before reacting and going straight to D, have you really enforced your boundary? Why push the consequence before establishing and enforcing the boundary? On a 0-10 scale why go for no 10, when 3, 4, 5 etc have not yet been tried? That is like a newly qualified driver taking his car racing in Mons on the worlds fastest race track!
So Joe what is your boundary?
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
V, I am working on my boundaries. The letter thing might be a better idea. I thought about writing a letter stating how I will not be in a open marriage, or don't want to be in a marriage with this type of behavior. I will acknowledge my faults and state that I am working on them. But time is running out and I am moving on with my life. If she wants to come along than this has to happen. If not than I wish her well and hope we can communicate well about our kids.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
