Aw - thanks you guys for the various comments and hugs. It's much appreciated. I feel a bit tearful and emotional this morning. I certainly don't have positive expectations today. More a sense of waiting for the guillotine to fall.
Toots,
When you get to the point where you actually don't know WHICH way you want this to go . . . when it's almost more problematic if he DOES want back into the marriage . . .
. . . then you will have fully detached. (But then HEADS UP, because that's also when you'll be the most attractive to him!)
Praying for clarity for you two, whichever way this goes.
I've actually had a pretty nice day. No contact from H and I'm starting to wonder if he will actually email today as he said he would. Who knows....anyway, I'll be heading out to visit my lovely Mum and then off to yoga in a little while.
Starsky, I'm certainly getting there I think. I'm at the stage where starting out alone again seems pretty straight forward. I've come quite a long way along that road in a practical sense anyway. Emotionally, I need to catch up sometimes and haven't fully let go. Equally, I find it hard to imagine us 'married' again. There has been a lot of water under the bridge after all..
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I do feel more detached than I was in that I can look at it and say to myself - well, this shouldn't surprise you all that much Toots. And this evening, I havent been angry, or even annoyed. Just a little exasperated I guess. Why apologise for not replying, say you will do it the next day then don't? Fact is, I hadn't mentioned the lack of reply in the first place.
Oh well, I guess we will get there at some point - patience Toots....
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
M:44, W:46, S:10 M 13 years, T 15 BD:23/7/2014 W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014 My new place: 21/11/2014 W/S back to flat 22/11/2014 W coming closer, talking 4/2015 Piecing 5/2015 Moving in again 6/2015
Well, today I decided that's enough of 'waiting' to hear from H. I did that for a day and it was horrible. I'm not moping around waiting to get an email. I decided I can't do much about the fact that - for whatever reason - he hasn't been in touch.
But I can work on the fact that I'm 'waiting' to hear from him. So, I'm just trying to get back in the 'moving forward' frame of mind. He may be in touch tomorrow. He may not be in touch for a month. Either is fine. I decided keeping busy is the way to go.
Couldn't log on for work this morning. My remote access expired at the end of March. So, I did a supermarket shop, then went to a coffee shop and did some studying. Just making 'soup from scratch' for lunch. Then more study and a couple of hours at the bookstore at the end of the day. Feeling better within myself anyway....
Nice and sunny here, which helps. Hope you guys are all having a good day :-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
Battleship grey again here today but the mood is resiliant ever since my issues at the end of last week and the begining of this!
Wont derail your thread though, I'll post an update later.
I'd say, as always, thats the right attitude though Toots, keep a tootling
M:44, W:46, S:10 M 13 years, T 15 BD:23/7/2014 W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014 My new place: 21/11/2014 W/S back to flat 22/11/2014 W coming closer, talking 4/2015 Piecing 5/2015 Moving in again 6/2015
Twin, thanks for the vote of confidence - that's very kind. And Edz & Jim, thanks for the moral support. Jim, I've had a few soups that were meant to be stews and vice versa :-)
Well, a pleasant enough day for me. Better than yesterday that's for sure. To be honest, I still struggle a bit with these promises of - I need a week to think - then not getting back to me. And - I'll email you - and then no email... I know H is taking SS off on a trip over Easter, so it's possible he may just head off for a week without getting in touch. It just bugs me and I can feel myself getting cross again as I write.
But I know that me dwelling on this - and waiting for contact is a cheeseless tunnel. There's no point moping about it, I can only move forward. But it's a work in progress, and I do feel somewhat frustrated, and wanting to mind read...
But then I tell myself, it's no big deal in the context of the whole sitch. Things will unfold over time and work out as they will. There's no point me agonising about it.
So, I think I'm getting there....bookstore GAL again for me tomorrow. Had a nice afternoon there today :-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
You're one of the most inspirational people on this board. I know that may be no small comfort since you're still waiting in limbo for an answer from you H. If I may let me say this: you already have an answer. You show here in your posts that you are an incredibly strong and resilient person and you will be fine regardless of what happens and you will be happy again in the future - with or without H. I do hope you get whatever you want from all of this.
Alpha
BD - 30TH JAN 2015 S - 30TH JAN 2015 PA CONFIRMED - 16TH FEB 2015 (SINCE AT LEAST OCT 2014) CONTINUAL TALK OF D ME: 31 W: 28 T: 10yrs M: 4.5yrs D:5, S:6
