Well, she still hasn't filed. However, all the signs are there though.... She's looking for apartments, she's applied for 2 jobs, and she's called our realtor to talk about putting the worse on the market.
Interestingly, she is being nice, starting conversations, asking how my day went. She even slipped the other day and said it was so hard not letting me know that she could be making a mistake by walking away from the relationship. The started crying and then hung up the phone. I let her be...
I started running again, which wasn't particularly fun...I'm outta shape. I also started thinking about creative ways to better myself at work. I got some self-help books about working on me and will really use this time to not have to worry about a partner, and worry about improving me. I can't make her stay if she's miserable, but I can make her want the new and improved me.
Me: 44 Her: 42 T: 22, M: 20 D:18, S:16, S:11 Sep: 6 months in 2002 Sep again: March 15, 2015 (5 months) WAW talk again: January 21, 2019
"but I can make her want the new and improved me."
Hi Miler, I thought your post above was great - apart from this comment above. No you can't "make her want" an improved you. But it is great to improve yourself for you - and your W may or may not notice and be drawn back towards you.
Equally she may not, and so the improvements are mainly for you - and perhaps a future lucky partner, depending on how things go...
T :-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Miler, hang in there and be the best dad you can be for your kids. 15 yrs of marriage is along time and it will take a big effort to detach and get to the point where you can and will just let her go. It's hard not to be angry and bitter at this stage. If you can bite your tongue and don't get drawn into any arguments. I know it seems unfair. Unfortunately your wife is not the woman you married right now. You can throw all the reasons why you married her out the window right now. When she cries or tells you she is having a hard time or doubt just agree with her non emotional and let her be.I have been in your shoes for 15months now and can honestly say I finally got what everyone was telling me to do. Detach and GAL. Your the prize. Hang in there.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Thanks ya'll. Im' slowly starting to feel myself get there. The letting go/detaching is hard...but REALLY important. It's like being a smoker for 15 years and just quitting one day. There is this whole detox that goes along with this separation...physically and emotionally.
Each morning before I go in to work now, I go for a 20 minute run, I shower, I try to meditate for 15 minutes, then I read for an hour (right now I am reading When Things Fall Apart). This morning when I came down to leave for work, she asked... Whatcha got going on today? I kept it short and said, clinic and then track practice with the kids. She said oh yeah...I've been noticing you've been going in to work a little later than usual this pat week. I responded with, yep, I'm taking some time for me, focusing on the things I need to deal with in my life to make me the best person and father I can be. She smiled, said, cool, and sort of agree. I immediately turned and said hope you have a good day. It felt good in that moment to admit to myself and the world, that I am working on me right now, and that's it. Trying to get centered and better myself.
Me: 44 Her: 42 T: 22, M: 20 D:18, S:16, S:11 Sep: 6 months in 2002 Sep again: March 15, 2015 (5 months) WAW talk again: January 21, 2019
Fantastic!!! Running is not fun, I am glad for you to be doing it. Read on!!! Keep posting. It makes me feel better when I do, I need somewhere to vent too.
