Hi OD, that was not a good exchange with your W. I hope you have apologised for that. You are reinforcing her view that you and she can't work, and she is right to consider the M over. You're 9 months in now, and you remain so 'attached' to your W - and reactive too. That's not great for you, your M or your family...
The process above looks helpful. What about going over it with a highlighter, looking at which costs and benefits REALLY matter to you right now. What's the bottom line for you?
IMHO, a S may do your sitch a lot of good...
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I haven't apologised yet as she won't be back until tomorrow lunchtime.
I could send a text or email I suppose but as I confronted her face to face, I thought it would be better to apologise the same way. I really don't feel like doing it but I guess I should.
Here's what I plan to say.
I'm sorry I lost control of my anger the other day and swore at you. I have a really hard time being left babysitting while you go out with him when we were never allowed to go out together because if your delegation issues.
As for my options. I really don't know what to do for the best. I think I feel depressed and depressed people cannot make decisions.
M: 57 / EW: 52 T: 21, M: 8 S: 18, S: 15 Bomb: 1 Jun 14 EA Aug 2014 I think PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
I'm sorry I lost control of my anger the other day and swore at you. I have a really hard time being left babysitting while you go out with him when we were never allowed to go out together because if your delegation issues.
OD, are you talking to IC about possibility of depression?
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
I did wonder about the second bit. I want to say it but whether I should or not is another matter.
I spoke to my doctor about depression a while ago: I'm on ADs. I figure I'll take any help I can get. My IC knows as well. I don't know how much good they do as I can't be on them and off them at the same time to tell. I don't feel depressed most of the time but I can't make decisions like whether to move out or not.
I think I'm veering toward the middle ground though. I fear the first burning bridges option and think I could handle the third status quo option when I clearly can't.
M: 57 / EW: 52 T: 21, M: 8 S: 18, S: 15 Bomb: 1 Jun 14 EA Aug 2014 I think PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
Hi OD, I would definitely lose the second part as Gan wisely suggests. It goes straight into blaming, passive agressive and so on, which undermines your apology.
If you want to add anything on, go for something like:
This isn't the easiest time for any of us. We'll get through it, but I shouldn't have lost my temper.
Sounds like it may be a good idea to keep working with your IC on what option is going to be best for you - living arrangements wise.
Another thing to think about is truly accepting where things are and letting your W go. She will be 'gone' for some time I suspect and holding on is hurting you a lot. I say holding on because the second part of your apology certainly shows that's what you are doing. You may find a sense of relief/release if you can get to that point.
It's good that you are seeing an IC and taking ADs. What else could you do for yourself that may help lift your mood?
(((OD))) - ps: hope S is making good progress....
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thanks for checking in on S15. He's doing OK. His bandage peeled off yesterday so we could see the huge incision line all the way down his back. Yikes!
WW is a bit worried that he may be over compensating the natural tendency of his muscles body parts that have moved due to the surgery. He has scoliosis, curvature of the spine.
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Short apology best all round then. She'll come back with we have to talk though.
I do know she won't be back anytime soon, and deep down I don't think she ever will. Maybe this is what makes it worse. I miss her so much.
M: 57 / EW: 52 T: 21, M: 8 S: 18, S: 15 Bomb: 1 Jun 14 EA Aug 2014 I think PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
Sometimes I think there must be something wrong with me.
I've just been to the supermarket and found myself seething about WW being absent without leave. And if I'm not careful I wind myself up into a ball of fury.
Why can't I just let go?
M: 57 / EW: 52 T: 21, M: 8 S: 18, S: 15 Bomb: 1 Jun 14 EA Aug 2014 I think PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
