Errod, I think Sandi is right. You're getting yourself worked up and you seem to be mind reading all over the place.
Please take yourself off, and give yourself a little time and distance to calm down. You don't want to say and do things you may regret.
I think you are overreacting to D14 not getting back in touch. And you are presuming your W is somehow involved in that. This may not be the case at all.
Just take a step back and be calm about this. Don't add to your W's reasons for not wanting to be with you. Keep in mind - will this get me closer to my goal of reconciling?
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. Do you have plans? ((Errod))
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
How was your daughter? Was she upset you crashed her movie watching? Hopefully you didn't make a big deal about it in front of her. It would be hilarious if you sat down in-between the two of them and just watched the movie. Like it was no big deal. I know it's a big deal, but unless you ship her off to a convent, boys will be around.
Talk to her one on one. When she's visiting you. Talk to W about it one on one to. Don't focus on you and W. It's all about the D14. I think it's wise to assume that she's not doing bad things. You want her to hear you and respect what you say. I think people listen better when they're not playing defense. Pills don't work all the time and they don't stop STDs. Kids don't seem to grasp that. I know I didn't.
My D is only 4, so what I wrote above is how I hope to handle it when I walk in and she's watching a movie with senior. However, I won't be walking into the ex's house in 10 years. Which reminds me...
Why did you go over there? Stay away. Driving by her house isn't DBing, walking inside.. definitely not DBing. I know it's hard, I have to fight it all the time. The more you fight the urge to contact, drive by, burst in, etc. the easier it gets.
Last edited by Closer2; 03/28/1509:17 PM.
M:42 W:43 T:14 M:10 S:9 D:5 W filed 12/22/14 EA 12/31/14 PA 4/10/15 D final 5/13/15
Errod, we all make mistakes. But tomorrow is another day my friend. The thing to do is learn from the mistakes and don't keep making them over and over again. But what has happened is in the past now, you can only move forwards.
I can't recall, have you posted some personal goals for you yet? Nothing to do with your W, but all about stuff that you want to do and working towards a better future for yourself?
T x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Well W was just trying to text me. I told her I really wasn't planning on talking to her today and think we talked enough today. She said I understand and that was that.
Personal goals for myself 1. Be the best father I can be 2. Get my real estate gig off the ground and become the best I can be at it. 3. Find some friends to hang out with 4. Stop making my W my priority. 5. Just be happy again. 6. Find some hobbies that involve other people and not be such a loner. 7. Run a 10k
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
Well W was just trying to text me. I told her I really wasn't planning on talking to her today and think we talked enough today. She said I understand and that was that.
Okay, just bear this in mind, if she ever says the same to you. Not criticizing you, just putting a hint in your ear.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Personal goals for myself 1. Be the best father I can be what does best mean to you exactly? Which activities? By when? How will you know you are the best? 2. Get my real estate gig off the ground and become the best I can be at it. how will you provide a target? Is this planned? Do you intend to achieve x sales by June? 3. Find some friends to hang out with Existing friends? Will you ring them? New friends? Which activities? What is hanging out, coffee, film, making macrame? 4. Stop making my W my priority. far too general and not specific 5. Just be happy again. OK so will that mean you travel to Disney next year? 6. Find some hobbies that involve other people and not be such a loner. which clubs, associations, volunteering, by when. What are the first steps? Once a week? 7. Run a 10k by joining a running club next week? Going to a gym? Using the treadmill? Have you signed up for a fun run for charity?
Erodd these are laudable, a starter for 10 although rather non specific. Can you make them less general? Goals need to be achievable, specific and measurable.
What would be fun to try new things.
V does her goals on excel spreadsheets with squillions (exaggeration) of mini steps.
For example: go Ceroc a minimum of once a week on a Sunday and take a set of classes once a month with 2 weekenders a year. Lose 2 lbs a month by attending boot camp 3 times a week. Attend the sauna twice a month.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 03/29/1501:01 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
