Sickone, there's so many painful similarities between our stories. HS sweethearts, same type of family on each side, anxiety issues, jealously over OM, never cared to go places with W(family, social events). I even asked for a month to show her how I could change.
I know you don't think shes in an EA, I didn't either at the time. Here's the problem with what you think about that already. Even if you confront the OM, doesn't mean he will tell you the truth. The second problem, he might not think there is something going on. Your W could very well have let him in her heart and is still trying to figure it out herself. At that point he would know nothing but she would still be emotionally blocked to you.
My W texted the OM months ago before BD and even showed me the texts many times, which caused the jealously on my part. So now fast forward less than 2 months and we have a major event that causes BD. Is it a coincidence that less than two weeks later she wants a D, has feelings for OM, and is sending him inappropriate pictures? I truly do hope this isn't the case for you, but prepare yourself emotionally for the possibility.
You need to take a look at your role in the breakdown of your M and begin to change those things. That is all you can do. BUT NOT FOR HER, you need to do this for yourself. Have no expectations with her right now. She is already on guard to any of your changes being real since you asked for a month to show her. In her mind your doing anything to win her back and those changes aren't likely to be seen as real to her.
Don't grasp for small things to think things are going well. Her coming home an hour early doesn't really mean anything. Her actions wont make sense, and she will be irrational in them. Trying to understand them will only cause you to lose sanity.
Follow the rules, work on yourself, detach, GAL. Do not pursue, don't tell her what your doing or how your changing.
Your in the right place to get help, many individuals on this forum can offer you some great advice. Listen to them. I 'm sorry you have to be here, I wish the best to you.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
I guess i can't say for sure. All i know is he is Pro My Marriage.
Last night was a bit tough. She kept her distance and watched TV in the other room. She did call me babe quickly and then corrected herself to use my name. She made me dinner, and quickly talked about a conversation that she had with her sisters. Spent the rest of the night separate and i went to bed before her, without any other contact.
W(26) Me (27) Together for 9 years, 2.5 Married Asked for D 3-15-15 W moved out to parents 3-26-15
I and my coach believe that the EA that she was having, sparked some type of emotional need that she was lacking. It turned her issues that she had with me and changed them from a 5 and now makes them feel like a 10.
W(26) Me (27) Together for 9 years, 2.5 Married Asked for D 3-15-15 W moved out to parents 3-26-15
Hi, welcome aboard. Hope you will hang in here and keep posting. Now, are the two of you M, or planning to M later?
You refer to her EA as though it was just a friendship developed between her and the co-worker. Are you basically going on what they have told you? It can appear to be in the name of friends only, and apparently you are convinced the OM is just an honorable person that nothing happened that would be considered inappropriate.
Let me tell you something about women. That is how it starts for us. Sure, it doesn't hurt if the guy is hot, b/c that adds to the attraction. However, for women, is more about about feeling an emotional connection with a man. Ever seen a beautiful girl with a not so handsome guy and wonder what she ever saw in him? It was the emotional connection she felt. The feelings he caused within her. And notice it's not called an "emotional friendship", is it? For her, an affair of the heart can be enough to shake her to her toes, and it can finish wrecking your M.
So, no matter how cool you see this other guy, don't be fooled. If his GF saw the hundreds of texts and the calls, and knew her guy was taking dance lessons with another woman.........I promise you, she would not take it near as casually as you have. In fact, he may be cooling his heels b/c he doesn't want to informing his GF of his emotional cheating.
Please do not become pals with the OM. He is lying to you. He is not honorable. He knew she was a married lady. And for the record, many affairs have started by a couple of coworkers discussing their unfulfilled relationships with their spouses or intended spouses.
Have you finished reading the book? Have you thought about what you can do to improve and get your mojo back? Do you take meds for the panic attacks?
I suggest you completely drop all traces of clingy type behavior, b/c it's a real turn-off for women. You don't mind me telling you, right? If you'll stick around, I may tell you a couple of things your W wouldn't let you know.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I have not finished reading the book yet. I hope to get a couple hours in tonight. Maybe i can get through the remainder of it today. I am trying my best to not be clingy. But i did ask if she would like to go out this weekend. She replied that she doesn't want to. I am distancing myself around the house, getting out of the house at times, and limiting my texting. Its hard because we normally spend all of our time together outside of work. I really don't have much to do outside outside of work at the moment. As my hobbies tend to be seasonal based, and the warmer weather is just starting to melt up the snow. I think that some fun time together will be important, but maybe its not the right time.
I appreciate the input on the OM. I am not thinking clearly. I need to slow down a bit.
W(26) Me (27) Together for 9 years, 2.5 Married Asked for D 3-15-15 W moved out to parents 3-26-15
Willing to hear anything on what my W isn't telling me.
She isnt telling you lots of things.
She isnt the person you married, she has on a mask, and underneath it is not pretty.
You need to stop trying to FIX her and the marriage. There are no magic buttons to restore your marriage. It will be a lot of hard work and it will not make sense(180 and counter intuitive).
After i get through DB, should i Read DR? Is it going to re iterate the same stuff? I put DR on hold at the book store and will most likely pick it up after work tomorrow. I want to head right home after work today to try to get as much as i can through the rest of DB.
My goal in the next week or 2 (agreed with by my Coach) would be to get more "good" communication between the W and I. Communication issues are the root of our issues. How do i keep/get communication with the W when she is shut down, and still following the guide lines?
I am trying to avoid anything that i notice shuts her down at this point. Biggest one not bringing up our R. She is distant, and barely responds to text, so i am stopping that as well at the moment.
How can my W just flip a switch, and be ok with it? Luckily we don't have kids at the moment. But she is destroying relationships with almost all of her (our friends) because none agree with her. Her parents may have changed their minds but i know they didn't agree at first either. We have a house we just bought less then a year ago, a dog who is the love of our lives, not to mention all the $$ and possessions.
W(26) Me (27) Together for 9 years, 2.5 Married Asked for D 3-15-15 W moved out to parents 3-26-15
