I've been listening to the song "Radioactive" when im working out. Seems to fit my situation very well.
Yeah, that Paul Rodgers is AWESOME, ain't he?
Starsky
LOL!
Paul Bernard Rodgers (born 17 December 1949)[1] is an English rock singer-songwriter, best known for his success in the 1960s and 1970s as vocalist of Free and Bad Company.
Well, just got an email. The process server is going to serve her at work.
I'm a excited with a little bit of fear and a dose of butterflies. Getting off the crazy so to speak and looking ahead.
Just need to figure out the debt and the next 6 months.
I was thinking back to some of her complaints and am weighing them a little as to how valid they are.
I was overweight - Made HUGE progress on this already. She complained about this A LOT. But we were both drinking heavily (we stopped).
Inconsistent with my goals - not sure what this means. I'm quite successful in my professional life (Chief Engineer) and I've given her a lot from where she was; almost everything she asked for, but not on her timetable because of resources. I did give up a few hobbies from getting yelled at about it (I think she was jealous?), but switched to others that were easier to do, like fishing (we live on a lake).
You are not a fighter when it comes to keeping the good things in your life. You bury your head in the sand and become a wimp. - Not sure what this means either. Only thing that makes sense to me is I put up with too much crap/emotional abuse from her and should have called it a while back but didn't because of my son. Other than that I have A LOT of good things that I enjoy. Some of which I put away and need to bring back out.
You gave up on us a long time ago back when I was still fighting and screaming at you to help me save our marriage. - This one I understand. She was screaming obscenities at me (calling me a piece of sh!t for a tame example) and the kids (even had to get between them quite a few times). She was so nasty in what she said I withdrew from her. Whenever I tried to engage her in something, she shot me down and never wanted to go out, etc. So I took care of myself. Her own brother has been on the receiving end of things and has no use for her, especially now. Only reason he even engaged her was my nephew (his son) to be able to see my son.
So that's all I have for why she wanted out. My big take away's are
Finish reaching my target weight
Confront relationship issues directly
Focus on what makes me happy
I think most of the issue is that I put up with a lot of crap from her that I shouldn't have and suppressed how I felt, which led to me gaining weight. I'd like any other thoughts on things.
I'm also interested in ideas for GAL. One thing I think I'm going to try is cycling. I'm also going to reengage as many folks as I can (she sabotaged a few relationships) and make new friends.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
You would rather sulk than fight. - This depended on whether there was a way though or not. Generally, I was able to deflate 80% of the arguments for a long time. Then they escalated and there was no calming her down on a lot of them.
You would rather plan and plan and plan than do. - I'm an engineer. We plan everything to a certain degree. I did plan some stuff with her but had no intention of doing anything until we had funds to do it all at once. With her last husband, they put a house in studs because of all the stuff she wanted to do. It stayed that way until I came along because it was too much too quick.
You would rather not be a risk taker than take a chance on living - I take calculated risks where the odds are in my favor. Just not the ones that put my family at risk. This was a bone of contention regularly. But we moved from nothing to a house on the lake (that she wanted) with a lot of nice things (that she doesn't take care of).
Last edited by Sherman333; 03/24/1505:55 PM.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
Those complaints against you are trumped by one card.....child abuse! I doubt your son has even told you everything she's put him through.
Whenever a child had rather go to foster care than live at home with his own mother.......somebody had better get their head on what's most important in this mess. It makes me cringe to read how he wets the bed and has nightmares about his mother. For God's sake, get that child away from her before she kills him. Why is he still in the same house with her?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
You need help. You are in a very abusive situation and you both (you & son) MUST get out now. Not 5 minutes later. NOW. Call up the nearest shelter and go there.
Then your advocates will help you get the rest of your things out of the house.
They will work with you to get a protective order against your W and that she must be under supervised visitation with S9.
Remember you are going to make changes for YOU, not to win her back.
Which of these things "sting"? Those are the things to change.
Just to be clear... I don't want her back. She's bipolar and one of the therapist through the foster agency thinks she has borderline personality disorder. Deling with that is what got me depressed over the years.
The weight issue is a biggy. I'm working out and watching what i eat regardless of where im at. I want to be at my ideal weight. I feel soooo much better.
The wimp one stings and I admit that I've given in to keep the peace, but there was no way to compromise or win a better solution with her power/control issues. I met a brick wall on everything and seriously contemplated divorce last year. But stayed for my S.
The others I think are more noise. But I put them out there.
Last edited by Sherman333; 03/24/1507:21 PM.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
Whenever a child had rather go to foster care than live at home with his own mother.......somebody had better get their head on what's most important in this mess. It makes me cringe to read how he wets the bed and has nightmares about his mother. For God's sake, get that child away from her before she kills him. Why is he still in the same house with her?
Agreed. The abuse is emotional. I have some of the recent stuff recorded. Plus all her texts have been turned over to the attorney. At present there's not enough to put a nail in anything. Otherwise it would have already happened. Being in the foster system gives me a few additional contacts that will help as things develop.
Plus she's been on better behavior lately; which is not an excuse but a statement of fact. Next confrontation will be Friday when I take him to the therapist and she finds out.
I've also already touched base with the local PD and introduced myself and let them listen to some of the recordings. So they're aware. Her next play is a probably a domestic call based on stuff she did to the 1st husband she had.
My son only wet the bed once this last weekend. But he's mentioned being in foster care a few times. He's trying to manage mom though to keep her from yelling/blaming and it won't work long term. I'm going into the lawyer this afternoon and will talk through it a little more. But there's a plan for the long game and I'm working the plan. We have houses to go to on a moments notice lined up already.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
