Man I really, am getting frustrated with my W now. She seems to find every chance to text me. She is now asking me when I leave the island and report to my next duty station. I asked her why it was so important that she knew, but I gave her the information anyhow. This is what I get back in reply.
W-Honestly I get an uneasy feeling about when you are leaving. I am having a hard time trusting what you say because you keep changing your story on me. This is important information because we need to talk about paperwork and how we are going to get a hold of eachother in the future until everything is completely separated.
This was my response.
M-Listen, lets not talk about trust being hard to have ok! Secondly what I am doing is what's best for me. Honestly There is nothing you truly need to know about my situation. I always have email and I will always answer back. You already know my stance on everything. Once I receive the divorce paperwork I will sign and not contest anything as long as you do what we agreed upon as far as splitting things. If you feel there is more to talk about please let me know. But I have been honest with you from the start of this split. even when I didn't have to be. So I am not sure why you are uneasy, what does me leaving have anything to do with you? It's not like our lives cross other than the dogs anyhow. Accept for that possible chance I see you out in town or at work but that will end soon. If there is something you need let me know.
I probably said too much but I am just so confused by now as to WTF she is up too. I'm actually really curious.
Hi Rysin, who knows?? Your W may just be having a reaction to the greater distance that will exist once you move. It sounds like she wants to know enough that she will have multiple channels to make contact, so that you can't just disappear.
In my move, I have enjoyed having new things - like a house phone number - that H doesn't have. He only has mobile and email now. IMHO, it may be best to just keep communication to pleasant - brief - business.
Sounds like you are doing well, but watch out for 'curious' - best not to wonder about what she may be thinking at this stage...
Take care, T x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Toots, thank you for your input, and warning. I guess the curious is more of a 2x4 to w saying wtf are you doing. This was your choice and decision. Why are you not happy and thrilled that I've done everything you wanted me to do in the beginning. Except for the continued pineing and groveling over her still. I think that is where things changed. I know now that I will be ok, and I think she has seen this as well.
Man I really, am getting frustrated with my W now. She seems to find every chance to text me. She is now asking me when I leave the island and report to my next duty station. I asked her why it was so important that she knew, but I gave her the information anyhow. This is what I get back in reply.
W-Honestly I get an uneasy feeling about when you are leaving. I am having a hard time trusting what you say because you keep changing your story on me. This is important information because we need to talk about paperwork and how we are going to get a hold of eachother in the future until everything is completely separated.
This was my response.
M-Listen, lets not talk about trust being hard to have ok! Secondly what I am doing is what's best for me. Honestly There is nothing you truly need to know about my situation. I always have email and I will always answer back. You already know my stance on everything. Once I receive the divorce paperwork I will sign and not contest anything as long as you do what we agreed upon as far as splitting things. If you feel there is more to talk about please let me know. But I have been honest with you from the start of this split. even when I didn't have to be. So I am not sure why you are uneasy, what does me leaving have anything to do with you? It's not like our lives cross other than the dogs anyhow. Accept for that possible chance I see you out in town or at work but that will end soon. If there is something you need let me know.
I probably said too much but I am just so confused by now as to WTF she is up too. I'm actually really curious.
I would not read much into her behavior.
She has TINY legit issues of logistical concerns, and is projecting her distrust onto you. See, she may well assume you cheated on her b/c hey, she's a great person -and she cheated. See? It all makes sense now!
Anyhow, I'm going to go thru your response and make some suggestions. I'm not sure of it all but I do believe that there is power in brevity.
The more details you provide, the more there is for her to nitpick (which is why candidates stay away from details)
AND OR
the vaguer or conflicted you'll sound, which is not a position of power.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Man I really, am getting frustrated with my W now. She seems to find every chance to text me. She is now asking me when I leave the island and report to my next duty station. I asked her why it was so important that she knew, but I gave her the information anyhow. This is what I get back in reply.
W-Honestly I get an uneasy feeling about when you are leaving. I am having a hard time trusting what you say because you keep changing your story on me. This is important information because we need to talk about paperwork and how we are going to get a hold of eachother in the future until everything is completely separated.
This was my response.
M-Listen, lets not talk about trust being hard to have ok! Secondly what I am doing is what's best for me. Honestly There is nothing you truly need to know about my situation. I always have email and I will always answer back. You already know my stance on everything. Once I receive the divorce paperwork I will sign and not contest anything PER the terms we agreed upon (and Rys, is that somewhere in writing? If so, attach it. Otherwise refer to it and if it is not in writing, draft a copy of what you believe you two agreed to, and send it to her. ) "W, this is to confirm the terms we agreed upon earlier. Is this how you recall them? Can you let me know what, if anything, needs changing? Thanks."
as long as you do what we agreed upon as far as splitting things. If you feel there is more to talk about please let me know. But I have been honest with you from the start of this split. even when I didn't have to be. So I am not sure why you are uneasy, what does me leaving have anything to do with you? It's not like our lives cross other than the dogs anyhow. Accept for that possible chance I see you out in town or at work but that will end soon. If there is something you need let me know.
I probably said too much but I am just so confused by now as to WTF she is up too. I'm actually really curious.
Don't worry about what SHE is up to. Create a life for yourself and move forward.
As for the friend and unfriending thing, you were too wordy as well.
Also, if the reason is that it's too painful for you to see reminders on fb, SAY THAT and don't go off on your w about whether she has the right to say anything.
She THINKS she does. She thinks you are proving how vindictive and mean you are, etc.
Telling her that Not having someone as a "Fb friend" is NOT the same as not being friends.
Telling her that it's part of you
"Some of the things on fb hinder my forward motion, which is a priority for me. Some times they are reminders of a really painful experience for me, which I'd think you of all people would understand. But thanks for your concern."
Acting as if your w is being reasonable and fair AND considerate of your feelings may give her something to live UP TO, rather than defending herself so much.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Toots, thank you for your input, and warning. I guess the curious is more of a 2x4 to w saying wtf are you doing. This was your choice and decision. Why are you not happy and thrilled that I've done everything you wanted me to do in the beginning.
of course, you know this^^ will yank her chain and she will NOT say "You're right! I"m not happy at all with my choices. I MISS YOU".
No, she'll do everything possible to believe/act as if she is thrilled with her brilliant honorable choices. Always always ask yourself what the REAL Goal is in your answer and then be honest, brutally honest
about whether your desired comment is going to do anything positive for that goal. Usually, it won't. Don't make this about her being wrong. Make this about you being happy.
Except for the continued pineing and groveling over her still. I think that is where things changed. I know now that I will be ok, and I think she has seen this as well.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Man I really, am getting frustrated with my W now. She seems to find every chance to text me. She is now asking me when I leave the island and report to my next duty station. I asked her why it was so important that she knew, but I gave her the information anyhow. This is what I get back in reply.
W-Honestly I get an uneasy feeling about when you are leaving. I am having a hard time trusting what you say because you keep changing your story on me. This is important information because we need to talk about paperwork and how we are going to get a hold of eachother in the future until everything is completely separated.
This was my response.
M-Listen, lets not talk about trust being hard to have ok! Secondly what I am doing is what's best for me. Honestly There is nothing you truly need to know about my situation. I always have email and I will always answer back. You already know my stance on everything. Once I receive the divorce paperwork I will sign and not contest anything PER the terms we agreed upon (and Rys, is that somewhere in writing? If so, attach it. Otherwise refer to it and if it is not in writing, draft a copy of what you believe you two agreed to, and send it to her. ) "W, this is to confirm the terms we agreed upon earlier. Is this how you recall them? Can you let me know what, if anything, needs changing? Thanks."
as long as you do what we agreed upon as far as splitting things. If you feel there is more to talk about please let me know. But I have been honest with you from the start of this split. even when I didn't have to be. So I am not sure why you are uneasy, what does me leaving have anything to do with you? It's not like our lives cross other than the dogs anyhow. Accept for that possible chance I see you out in town or at work but that will end soon. If there is something you need let me know.
I probably said too much but I am just so confused by now as to WTF she is up too. I'm actually really curious.
Don't worry about what SHE is up to. Create a life for yourself and move forward.
As for the friend and unfriending thing, you were too wordy as well.
Also, if the reason is that it's too painful for you to see reminders on fb, SAY THAT and don't go off on your w about whether she has the right to say anything.
She THINKS she does. She thinks you are proving how vindictive and mean you are, etc.
Telling her that Not having someone as a "Fb friend" is NOT the same as not being friends.
Telling her that it's part of you
"Some of the things on fb hinder my forward motion, which is a priority for me. Some times they are reminders of a really painful experience for me, which I'd think you of all people would understand. But thanks for your concern."
Acting as if your w is being reasonable and fair AND considerate of your feelings may give her something to live UP TO, rather than defending herself so much.
Thanks everyone one, I am doing my best to navigate a very tension filled situation. I did not believe it would come to this as she has gotten what she wanted. But now she is content to start drama and argue with me over everything. I do not believe this is going in the right direction and it is clear something is guiding her actions. She called me a hypocrite today saying I'm doing thinks out of spite and spreading rumors. Both are not too, obviously. I am officially dumbfounded and not sure how this can become friendly again, without zero contact.
Hi Rysin, I'm sorry to hear that. I think the best course of action is to keep yourself on a steady plane and keep contact to a minimum - purely business. You can see from the suggestions from the vets that your response to your W was pretty reactive. They removed 80% of the response and stripped it down to pleasant, practical, business.
Who knows what is happening with your W - but she doesn't sound indifferent to you that's for sure. I think you're doing great Rysin. Just keep doing the above and living your own life as you have been.
Take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
