Confused & mix messages part 2

[Cherry]

You're right. Actions speak louder than words. Right now I am still going off not trying to believe what he says/ does as everything seems erratic.
I just wish I knew what to do next. I feel I'm not really progressing.

[Cherry]

So the day is much the same.. Polite conversation when I see him- which is brief.. Then as part of my GAL i go out that evening. Before I leave he tells me I look beautiful and to take care. Not affectionate, but still- that's quite a compliment.. I just don't know what to think or do anymore. I feel so sad and helpless..

[Cherry]

So my copy of DR came today. Going to start reading later when baby is asleep. Been working on my detaching/ having no expectations. h got up quite cheery today, asked if we wanted to go out. Went out together, to start off with he was cheery. As the day progresses he withdraws and seems depressed. He's on his phone quite a lot, as part of my detaching though I turn a blind eye and try not to think.
I honestly don't know what to make of these mix messages. I am GAL and detaching it is honestly hard not to think. It's as though he's screaminh out for help. Despite his up and down moods I kept my constant chilled, happy vibe

[Sotto]

Then as part of my GAL i go out that evening. Before I leave he tells me I look beautiful and to take care..

Hi Cherry

I think that works then. You are heading out and he is wondering what may happen to this beautiful woman while she is out. When you are home he knows exactly what you are up to.

I would try and do more of this - once a week GAL while he babysits?

[Cherry]

You know that's a very good point. He does ask a lot of questions before I go. And like you say if I'm at home or going out with baby he knows pretty much what I am doing.

[Cherry]

I can see when we look at one another the physical attraction is definitely there. Had a day out with baby again today. It is hard painting on a smile sometimes when inside you're wondering where your H is, then they come in 24 hours later again.. I act like all is well again.. He quizzes where me and baby have been.. I do wonder if he ever wishes he went out with us, then I tell myself not to think what is he thinking. He's like a teenage boy, when he is happy talking he's almost bragging the flirty way when we met- only these things don't really impress me anymore- I'm his w and a mother, I need a real man.
He alternates between wearing his ring, and wearing on at different finger. At first I used to mention it, now I dont. It's like he wants a reaction.

[Cherry]

I'm finding this situation so difficult. I know I need to leave him to it and lovingly distance myself but it's so difficult to when you have the thought of them with another woman and you are struggling!! I think baby is picking up on the negativity and is being difficult, not sleeping etc. he on the other hand thinks it is perfectly fine to be out all the time and leave me to it. I feel like a single parent and I'm finding it difficult. I go from feeling I can do this and wanting my husband back- to almost leaving him and finding some place else to stay.
I'm not sleeping and struggling with our baby whilst he is out with his OW I have no doubt- though he tells me he is out with his male mates.

[Cherry]

I'm hoping one day I will feel more detached, think I'm just having a pity party right now. Done some work today, and had my highlights done. This situation is gonna cost me a fortune, I just find comfort in shopping. I guess its investing in me. He frequently tells me he finds me attractive but that's not enough to stay with me.
For the first time in a while he mentioned his finances to me- we hadn't got round to joining our check in accounts. Again, trying not to analyse things as his mood is erratic.. One minute he is cheery- the next moody and distant with me.

[Heart14]

Detachment is a process. It takes awhile to get there. Be gentle with yourself and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

This situation is gonna cost me a fortune, I just find comfort in shopping. I guess its investing in me. He frequently tells me he finds me attractive but that's not enough to stay with me.

It doesn't have to cost you a fortune. It's important that you do things that make you feel good about yourself. That doesn't all have to be around your appearance or even cost a lot of money though. Wear the sexy outfit because it makes you feel good, not because H will notice. He probably will and that's great, but it cannot be your only reason for doing it. That is not sustainable change.

GAL can be anything you want it to be. You can take a bubble bath, read a book, go on a walk with a friend, or find a meetup group that shares your interests. Anything that takes your mind of the situation and helps you to have fun. Live your life for you and your son.

Again, trying not to analyse things as his mood is erratic.. One minute he is cheery- the next moody and distant with me.

This is typical script behavior. He will be all over the place. That has nothing to do with you. That is all about him and his issues. He has to want to deal with those on his own. I know it is hard. Don't let his actions dictate your self worth.

I think baby is picking up on the negativity and is being difficult, not sleeping etc. he on the other hand thinks it is perfectly fine to be out all the time and leave me to it. I feel like a single parent and I'm finding it difficult.

You don't really know that he thinks it's acceptable. Try not to mind read. I used to get so mad that my H wasn't putting in the time with our son. Eventually I came to the realization that I couldn't change that. It would be sad for him if he chose not to be a strong figure in our child's life. That was on him though.

Live a life you are proud of. That's all you can do. You can't change his actions. He has to do that on his own. In time he might. It's not guaranteed. This is a marathon, not a sprint. It's going to take a lot of time and patience probably. You can do it! Just take it one day at a time.

[Jefe]

I mentioned before about seeing a MC. h says he will go "for closure to prove he's tried" for me, and I obviously want to salvage and get a marriage back on track.

"Closure" Ugggh, excuse my while I throw up a little. Such a garbage pop-psyche word. Sorry, I know this is old news and I'm not trying to offend anyone but I find people often use the word "Closure" as an excuse to be mean to other people. Sorry Rant Mode:off.

If you trust that you have a solid MC that supports marriage and he's willing to go, it might be worth thinking about. But for my money I think I'd wait until some admit-ion of wrong doing is on the table or he has expressed a willingness to salvage the marriage.

You're doing good. This is so hard, trust me, I know it is.