Hello im a new member and here is my story: On aug. 20__ I married the love of my life. My soulmate, best friend, my everything. We met each other through my mom. We went out on a first date and it was history after that. We dated for 2 years before we married. We were inseparable, we did everything together. We have 2 kids together, 5 and 2. We opened up our own restaurant over a year ago, It was a dream of his for many years. We sold our cars and our boat and used whatever money we had in our savings and sons savings to open the place up. He is a really hard worker, workaholic, he was a dedicated family man. The bread winner, he did everything to have me stay at home to raise our kids.
2 years ago he was working a bar/club and I just had my baby (postpartum depression). He worked with a whole bunch of pretty girls with short skirts and open tops. My jealousy, insecurities, my suspicions started. I thought he was cheating on me. We would always fight about her and him not working there. I hated him working there, he was gone all day and slowly he would leave late. After he worked there for 6/7 months he quit/got fired. Because of our fights he started hating working there. He was miserable. For 6 months after he quit, he was unemployed. It didn’t get any better but our fights had stopped. Everything was back to semi normal. That’s when he decided he wanted to be his own boss and open his own restaurant. I supported him 100% as always. We never kept secrets from each other.
Our phones were always available for each other. We had the same friends. Sept 2014 things started changing. His phone was attached to his hand/hip. After he closed the restaurant he would be home no later then 1030. Slowly that changed, it started getting later and later. On some nights hed come home and get all kinds of texts and run out of the house saying he needs to go help this guy out. I became suspicious calling him till 4am. Our fights became worse because this time my gut was really telling something is not right. Anytime id get close to his phone he’d become paranoid. I started snooping and one day I found a email saying he had bought a car. He gave me a story that was such b.s. but I believed him. A day after my confrontation, early in the morning I saw a <3 u text, and that’s when [censored] hit the fan, I wanted to know who this person was, I made him call that number and of course it was the girl who answered. She heard me and hung up, sent him a text saying why is your wife on the phone.
By January our relationship was going down the drain and fast. Feb. a week before my bday, he told me he wants a divorce. That he no longer loves me, he fell out of love 2 years ago. Until that moment, I never knew our problem was this big. I didn’t know what was happening. He never seemed depressed to me, I knew he was under a lot of stress at work. That Sunday night I was a mess. I came home with the kids I was crying and I started smoking. His friend followed me home. His friend told me everything. He had introduced him to a girl. It was supposed to be a one night stand but things started getting out of hand. It was once a week, then twice a week then everyday. His friend told me everything that happened in the last 6 months. He was seeing another girl. He was spending all his money and time on her and then tell me he has no money for us (me and the kids).
So starting that Sunday when he told me he wants the divorce, he stopped coming home. I begged and pleaded and wrote letters for him to give us a second chance. How can he just abandon us. His kids, his wife of 8.5 years. I am so broken and so lost. He blames everything on me and my fighting. By the way no one knows there is another girl involved only a few know. No one knows that we’re having problems and are separated, again only a few know.
Three weeks ago, I met a lady who introduced me to divorce busting.com. She has guided me and listened to me vent and cry. I have started following the 37 rules. I don’t ask him questions, I don’t call him, I just take care of me and my kids. When the kids want to speak to him, ill dial the number and give the phone to them. If they want to see him, ill take them to the restaurant and let them play there for an hr. or ill call or text him to come and see the kids at home. Things are getting easier to deal with. Only because I know not to expect things. When I do talk to him, I keep it short and simple. I am giving his space as he requested. I started seeing a therapist once a week and it helps. I have slipped once or twice but I got back on the horse and continued my way. In this whole process, I have gotten closer to god. My faith in him has been stronger then ever. And I leave my journey in gods hands and just take things day by day. I pray every day for my husband and myself. I just want him back!
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Depress, hang in there. Draw closer to God and stick to the steps. It works. Work on making yourself the kind of woman only a fool would leave. You are on the right track.
Has he filed for divorce or has there been any formal movement that direction?
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
