I thought everything was okay....(Part 4)

[Vanilla]

MCS

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do with your emotions!

I believe you are going to have to trust yourself to be non judgemental about W and what she tells you. A little of the RD style, no matter what W says.
She may test you with saying the moon is made of green cheese, just validate and accept her feelings and views and that they could be ok at that time.

Tomorrow they may be equally validly hers and strangely different to the day before. But that is ok. She will test to see if you need to control her and her views.

Let go...........

V

[MCS]

Im confused. HOW is this "below the belt?" Because you put "even" i quotations? I think you are readying way too much into it, I don't really know what else was written but that little blurb right there to me isn't below the belt, its...what she wanted. So the truth

I don't know, I just see I put it in there and I knew that it would cause her to respond defensively. She did, by saying it was because she missed the kids. When I replied back that she could call them or take them out to dinner, I felt like I softened it a little.

But your right and V says above, I'm basing my feelings in her reactions. I need to stop that, but need to figure it out while still validating.

I wrote it In a draft post I deleted, but I think that my WW is turning into a WAW. I almost want to ask her if it was 'done' but I've been very careful with any reference, so I wont.

I did say this past week that I feel like I'm feeling like I'm holding some of her lies. She said, like what? I said that OM's GF doesn't know what has been going on. W said "As far as I know, she knows what happened." I said "do you still talk to her?" W said "yeah, I still talk to her." I then said "W, then there's no way she actually knows what was going on" W just looked at me.

But it doesn't matter with the exception of trying to figure out what W's motives and state is right now. Like I said, I'm debating taking a break or trying to be the one that W can 'talk to.' It seems like she's trying, but I get angry about some of the stuff she's saying and shut down. Like V says, I need to let go of that, but I want to know for myself that I'm ready to do that. It's tough to sit there and take some of the things she says whether she actually feels,that way or is just trying to hurt me, IDK.

I think I'm going to try and focus this weekend on not thinking about the sitch and see what happens. MC isn't u til Tuesday

[PatientMan]

This is germane, but not necessarily directed at you - it's just a reminder:

If you can't stick to your plan while validating, then don't validate.

It might seem cold, harsh, and closed off, but you ought to have a long-term plan in place and you ought to do everything in your power to set that plan up for success. Validation is a great tool, but it should not be allowed to compromise a larger goal.

-PM