Okay so that ^ is my original thread. Basically , husband of almost 2 years has suddenly come out with ilybinilwy and I want a divorce.. I then found out there's an OW and a EA. But all of this has come as a massive shock as he's always been obsessed with me. But I guess it always comes out of nowhere.
Since he dropped all this on me, he is barely in- usually "working" or "out". To which he will return usually some point the next day. We have a young baby too.
At the moment I'm trying to lovingly distance but he doesn't seem to come any closer with this- in fact I feel further from him.
I've kept myself busy once again today. I can really see my confidence shining through. It helps that people who haven't seen me in a while have all been coming up to H and telling him how good I'm looking.
Inside I do struggle, some days easier than others. Today I've been feeling positive and in the "I'm going to be alright either way" sort of mood. Though other days I find myself weeping over things that remind me of him. But I usually get my act together pretty quick.
A question I do have, I mentioned before about seeing a MC. h says he will go "for closure to prove he's tried" for me, and I obviously want to salvage and get a marriage back on track. In the past few days he has mentioned if I have been in touch with the MC. I explained once to him that if that's what he wants to go for then there's no point wasting money. But he's mentioned it again as to if I've sort of it.. I'm trying to have no expectations or get inside his head, but it just seems to me as though he could be having second thoughts about the D? He is far to stubborn or proud to ever look like he's just changed his mind to me.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
I'm sorry you find yourself here. It's a difficult place to be but I do hope you are enjoying your baby.
Please don't take this negatively and I'm just speaking from personal experience. Beware of MC. If your h wants to go for "closure" he may very well use this opportunity to gaslight and grandstand about how he's miserable and done everything. Essentially, wanting the MC to confirm his position. And no how pro marriage the MC is, it will be an epic waste of time.
MC only works if BOTH parties are committed. Going to MC while one party in having an A (whether it's emotional or physical) is again, a waste of time. Otherwise, it's a $h!t show and I say that because I've seen many others in the same sitch.
Focus on you. Make changes for you. Focus on your child. You can do this. :-)
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 03/18/1507:16 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Thank you. No I get that. I didn't think that there was much point. The way I'm feeling right now is that I want to get out of here. My moods flit so much. And I'm so angry that this narcissistic a**hole thinks this ow is more important than me and my son. I really am tempted to leave this house but don't know if I'll do more harm than good. When he's like this- I don't even want to see his face.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Cherry, I'm so sorry things are tough right now. I get a real sense from your sitch that H is just out most of the time and you are literally left 'holding the baby.'
What about making some plans for yourself one night and pre-arranging for him to look after the little one? Maybe get out for an evening with some girlfriends? He may not be offering much as an H right now, but sounds as though he needs to step up as a Dad. And might do you some good to have some grown up time...
Also, the advice on these boards is normally don't move out. But if you can't tolerate living with him whilst he's involved with someone else, ask him to leave.
Chin up Cherry, these early days are tough, and you're doing really well :-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Yeah he is, literally all the time. He sees baby a couple hours a day. And that also really winds me up that he's missing out on a vital time of our child's life.
Yeah I think I may do, I did go out with a girlfriend the other week. He went out with baby, wouldn't tell me where. I just don't really feel I'm progressing but also not to sure what to do. I ordered the DR the other day so waiting for that to arrive then I'll read that and see.
He is just so immature it's unbelievable!!
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Okay, H goes out. I decide to go to bed and put baby to sleep. h comes home and comes and chattily speaks to me.. Since the other day he has mentioned counselling 2/3 times in about the same amount of time asking if I have arranged it. Why is he so fixated on this?!
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Hi Cherry, the view on the boards seems to be that counselling isn't a good use of your time and resources while your S is actively involved with an OP.
If you don't want to go ahead with counselling and this is why - maybe you could just tell him that?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I think, from what I've heard, his relationship with OW is over. I don't know though. That's an idea. I just don't get why all of sudden he is fixated on it
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
I think, from what I've heard, his relationship with OW is over. I don't know though. That's an idea. I just don't get why all of sudden he is fixated on it
Regarding MC, IMO, his commitment to working on the M is more important than if the OW is out of the picture. Your posts have indicated that he didn't end the A, she did. He has yet to show you any action that indicates he wants to work on the M. I agree with Toots. It's perfectly alright to tell him you are not interested in going to MC if he is not willing to work on the M.
Me: 30 H: 35 M: 5 years S2 Signs of MLC started Feb 2014 BD - PA July 2014 Piecing/reconciling late July 2014
His actions are saying something different than being committed to counseling and your M/R. If/When he begins to act like a responsibly H and father, then it will be more believable.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
