Have you considered separation, instead of going straight for D?
I have and am considering it and all options. But she has said she wants a divorce and in the past has said she would want separation. I'm going to be doing some heavy thinking this week. Formulating my plan and putting it into action, this weekend was very difficult.
Last edited by phunguy; 03/16/1503:55 PM.
Me 41 Wife 38 T20 M13 S8 D3 Bomb 1/26/15 A confirmed 2/19/15
I prefer none of this. I prefer we get counseling and work to over come the issues we have. That is not an option today because she refuses that option. So now I must choose S or D. I believe I want D. I'm not ready to accept this situation for some reason, probably because I see it as failure(my type A doesn't recognize failure as an option), though I know I must accept that we both failed. Something makes me think that with S there is still hope but I keep asking myself why I cannot drop the rope and set me free. It's causing me great anguish. Love stinks.
Last edited by phunguy; 03/17/1512:36 AM.
Me 41 Wife 38 T20 M13 S8 D3 Bomb 1/26/15 A confirmed 2/19/15
FWIW, unless you are clear in your own mind that you truly want to move on, S might be best. Gives you both some time to process things without yet moving to D. Why D is it's not what you want?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I knew that's what you would say, but I was referring to your preference between S or D, b/c of your continuance to talk about what "she" wanted.
Am I that predictable? lol I mean look I get it, I am clinging to this hope in desperation, I know that she's done and I cannot force her to stay in this marriage, it makes me feel pathetic that I cannot just accept this. This morning I have told the attorney to proceed with D. I am not getting what I wanted but I suppose this is a tunnel with no cheese and I recognize it as such.
Last night really helped me make the decision. I told her that I was proceeding with D this week. That I would have the attorney draw up the paperwork and we could go file it. We discussed a number of things that we had already discussed. Parenting plan, splitting of the house and debts, no support, no alimony, who would retain decision making for the kids(me). She agreed to all of it.
Me 41 Wife 38 T20 M13 S8 D3 Bomb 1/26/15 A confirmed 2/19/15
Phun, don't file for divorce unless it is truly what you want and you truly feel you are done. If you don't feel that, and you don't want to live in an open marriage, why not S for now and give yourself some time.
It is still pretty early days for you guys you know....I think (however things turn out) it is best if we can look back and see that we did all we could to save our M's.
Last edited by Toots; 03/17/1508:38 PM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Phun, don't file for divorce unless it is truly what you want and you truly feel you are done. If you don't feel that, and you don't want to live in an open marriage, why not S for now and give yourself some time.
It is still pretty early days for you guys you know....I think (however things turn out) it is best if we can look back and see that we did all we could to save our M's.
I'm suppose this what Sandi is sort of asking me too. What am I doing for me in this sitch instead of what she wants? The answer is I don't know. I'm taking care of myself but lately I feel pressure from many places to do something including myself. I suppose I need to pray and think on this more.
Me 41 Wife 38 T20 M13 S8 D3 Bomb 1/26/15 A confirmed 2/19/15
Maybe it's a guy thing. Maybe it's a LBS thing, IDK. You've joined the ranks of those who feel the inner pressure to "do" something..........anything.........just do!
I have to wonder if it is part of the desperation mode the LBH feels and subconsciously he's still trying to pull the rabbit out of bag. "Well, that last trick didn't work, so let me try another one".
Do yourself a big favor and take time to think it through. Yes, I was saying to do what you really want, and not for any other reason. We know the bottom line is you want to have a good M with your W. You wouldn't have come here if you didn't want that option above any others. Don't let anyone, including yourself, push you into taking a direction you aren't ready to take. By all means, do not head straight for D b/c that's "what she wants".
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I mean look I get it, I am clinging to this hope in desperation, I know that she's done and I cannot force her to stay in this marriage, it makes me feel pathetic that I cannot just accept this. This morning I have told the attorney to proceed with D. I am not getting what I wanted but I suppose this is a tunnel with no cheese and I recognize it as such.