He said that he was thinking and realized he was depressed. And that he was going to start taking his meds again. Which will take 4 to 6 weeks to get into his system. And if I could not wait that long, he understood if I wanted to move forward with the divorce. He apologized for all the hurt he has caused me. And he wants to adjust his visitation with his daughter. He wants to see her less until he can pull himself together.
I am not sure what I really want. I ask myself, can I ever trust him again. Well, I have time to decide what is best for me.
Tomorrow is my Son's wedding and my husband wants to ride together. I haven't talked or seen him in over a week. I don't know if we should or just say I will meet you there.
Hope, I would advise to go with your gut. If you would prefer to drive separately then do. It's whatever you're comfortable with.
Originally Posted By: Toots
1) Your H says you walk around looking mad at the world and so he doesn't want to be intimate with you.
2) You sound mad that your H thinks you should ask for help, when you feel he should know you want help
From what you've read in the books, any ideas on what you might change to try and improve these areas?
Did you put any thought into these questions? I can relate to #2. I wanted H to help more after our son was born, but I never asked H for help. I just grumpily did it all expecting him to know what I needed from him. Looking back it's really no wonder he started avoiding being in our home. I was silently seething and he felt useless. Your H can't read your mind. You have to communicate your needs to him.
Can you give us an update on how things are going? The more information you provide, the better we'll be able to support you on this journey.
Me: 30 H: 35 M: 5 years S2 Signs of MLC started Feb 2014 BD - PA July 2014 Piecing/reconciling late July 2014
On the night of my D's birthday, I discovered that my H was texting a female co-worker saying how he is living in hell because of me. I was very upset because this has always been an issue with him Talking to another female about our marital issues. I confronted him a few days later about it and he said that he had no one else to talk to too. I got mad and filed the D papers. Well, when I told him that I filed the papers he said that he wanted to work on the marriage. So I put the papers on hold. So, the last time that I saw and talked to him was over a week ago. For someone who wanted to work on his marriage is not doing a very good job by ignoring me. I told him that I had some requirements and I gave him a list. And they are as follows:
1. He had to get back on his medicine 2. He had to see a therapist 3. I wanted him to date me 4. And he had to be transparent.
My therapist help me come with this list. He agreed but I am now confused because I haven't heard from him.
I don't know what to do anymore. I am staying busying because it is tax season.
I spent the night crying my eyes out. If someone wants to work on his marriage, then how can he ignore me. I am so confused.
A friend of mine past away yesterday from heart attack. She was only 46, just a couple months younger than me. It got me thinking, life is too short to put up with all this mess. I want to wake up and find that this is a bad dream. A part of me wants to call it quits and move on with my life and then a small part wants to fight for my marriage. How do I decide what I really want? How do I find peace with my decision? I am therapy, but that doesn't seem to help either. I am trying to stay busy so I don't have time to think, but that's not working either.
I think the solution for now is to live forward for yourself. Live through the hurt and sadness because the only way out is through, and pray for clarity.
You have a 6 yo daughter and haven't heard from him in a week? Has she? What's going on there?
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I'm not familiar with your whole sitch but just looking at your signature looks like it's been pretty rocky for quite a while.
I've been listening to a lot of podcasts from a different marriage saving site (very helpful especially when I'm in the car). Last night I listened to one about when to give up. He suggested that you make a list of all the reasons you want to save your marriage.
Ex. I want to stop the divorce, I don't want to be alone, to keep your family together for your kids, you see potential for a happy life together.
Separate your list into Fear based reasons (I don't want to be alone) and aspirational reasons (I see potential in our R). If your reasons are mostly Fear based you will lose the determination to fight for the marriage sooner because the fear will fade, aspirational based reasons will keep you going longer because they are coming from your spirit. You should use that list to keep you going.
He continues to say that fighting for your marriage is a noble thing, and even if you give up without saving it you know you have done the best you can and you should commend yourself for that because that alone is more than most people do.
I know this is a very short version of a 30 minute podcast, but I hope it helps at least a little.
Also, another tidbit from a different podcast which is hard to do but makes sense..."Focus on the process, not the outcome." So work on yourself, GAL, do your 180's, focus on that, the outcome is out of your control because your H still has to make a choice.
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
He is still in her life. We alternate every other week. But according to her teachers, she is showing signs of stress as well. I am trying to be upbeat for her sake when she is with me.
Praying....that's all I have been doing. Sometimes, I feel I am losing my faith as well.
Thank you for responding. Yes, it has been rocky from Day 1 of our marriage.
I have made a list and it wasn't good. I had more cons than pros. I can remember why I fell in love with him but now I don't know why I love him. He has caused me so much hurt and pain in this marriage. Marriage isn't suppose to be this hard. Maybe I am just with the wrong person.
Not sure I agree with this, if marriage were easy the D rate wouldn't be 50%, and lets not forget about the couples who stay together for whatever reason but are unhappy.
My sibling run down- -one brother has never been married (he's 54) -one brother is divorced -my other brother has been married for 15+ years but is miserable in a sexless marriage, staying together for his kid and finances, -one sister is divorced and another long term R of 12+ years ended -my other sister has been married for 20+ years and has told me they are both unhappy but are staying together for financial reasons, they own a business together, separate rooms for a couple of years now.
That's just my family! I'm not saying you should stay with your H and continue fighting for your M, just saying it's not easy. Anything worth having is worth fighting for...maybe your H isn't worth having anymore. There is no shame in what you've done, but only you can make the decision of whether to keep trying to put your M back together. The important thing is keep fighting for YOU and your daughter.
For the record, I continue to tell my brother and sister in the miserable marriages to either fight for the marriage or move on but to at least fight for themselves...so far they are doing none of the above!
Last edited by lost18; 03/14/1502:53 PM.
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
