Not dumb anymore (2)

[Cadet]

Does this sound like a good plan to keep in my back pocket?

Yes

Just as long as you are still wearing the pants with the pocket when that happens.

Until then keep living your life.

[Burger]

My wayward left her ring behind when she left.

If I take mine off does it signal I'm moving on, kind of a tough love thing?

Or would it signal a pathetic attempt for her attention?

[Train]

That's a personal decision. Don't do it for a reaction - one way or the other - from your W. Do what is authentic to YOU.

[Burger]

Thank you. I will keep wearing it, it feels right.

I think I'm starting to overthink things again. *deep breaths*

[Burger]

I've been doing well this week so far.

I suspect at some point this weekend W will want to come by to get some more of her stuff. I’ll have to wait and see, but I will not bend over backward to accommodate her. If I have plans and will not be home, she will have to come at a different time.

I’m thinking that while she is in the house:

I will let her initiate any conversations. I will then be friendly, courteous, and keep conversations brief when they happen.

I will not help her pack or load things, I’m not going to help her leave me.

I will not offer any financial assistance, no matter how much I want to help her out.

I will not be a sad wimpy looking mess. I will be strong, happy, and confident.

I will not follow her around the house, but I will keep an eye on what is leaving the house.

I will not get trapped into another argument.

Any other tips for how to behave if she does show up?

[Starsky309]

That's a personal decision. Don't do it for a reaction - one way or the other - from your W. Do what is authentic to YOU.

Yep. This ^^^ is pretty much the consensus view on the forum on this often-discussed topic.


Starsky

[Starsky309]

I've been doing well this week so far.

I suspect at some point this weekend W will want to come by to get some more of her stuff. I’ll have to wait and see, but I will not bend over backward to accommodate her. If I have plans and will not be home, she will have to come at a different time.

I’m thinking that while she is in the house:

I will let her initiate any conversations. I will then be friendly, courteous, and keep conversations brief when they happen.

I will not help her pack or load things, I’m not going to help her leave me.

I will not offer any financial assistance, no matter how much I want to help her out.

I will not be a sad wimpy looking mess. I will be strong, happy, and confident.

I will not follow her around the house, but I will keep an eye on what is leaving the house.

I will not get trapped into another argument.

Any other tips for how to behave if she does show up?

That sounds like a pretty good list to me. You may find that it calms your nerves to remind yourself that you do NOT have to make any decisions, or even get drawn into any relationship conversations with her. Know ahead of time how you will respond (example: "Wow, I'll have to think about that." Or "I really don't want to discuss this right now; let me know how much longer you're going to be -- I'll be out back working on ______." Or whatever.

[Burger]

Thank-you for the feedback and the idea to have some responses ready ahead of time. That will help a lot.

She emailed me asking to stop by tomorrow to get some things, I proposed a time when I would be home and she agreed.

I will be ready this time.

[susana4]

Good luck today Burger. Remember to stay calm. You sound pretty well prepared. Just remember those responses and remember you can leave the room if you start to get upset. Although you will probably want to be in another room/out back most of the time anyway. You might also want to think about and prepare yourself for what you will do if she spews, and how you will handle that (e.g. "I will speak to you later when we can have a civil conversation" and then walk away)

[Burger]

Thank-you everyone for your help with this. I'm prepared this time, last time she just showed up unannounced and caught me off guard. I'm dressed nice, in clothes I haven't fit into in years. I'm feeling nervous, but surprisingly calm.