Toot Va Bien!

[Sotto]

Gan, I think that might be perfect -


Dear H, I'm so sorry that you feel your life has run off course. I truly only wish happiness for us both. I understand that you want to simplify your life and don't want to work and live in different places.

Of course you are free to make your own choices. I respect your wishes and if you file for divorce, I won't stand in your way. But divorce isn't what I want. I love you and I hope that we may one day find our way back to each other.

Toots


I think this is an email I will be glad to have sent in 5 years time
It is important to me that H knows how I truly feel at this point
I hope it 'shows, not tells' what H would be losing - as Wonka said
I also think it shows strength, SFTU and KISS

In the UK, you can only file for a 'fault-free D' after 2 years S. H will now have to decide whether he will file for D on the grounds of 'unreasonable behaviour.' I'm not trying to control the outcome, just trying to be true to myself that this isn't what I want.

I think I'm happy now. Are we happy with this guys?

[susana4]

I for one love the line Gan wrote and I think it reads well although I'm not a vet.

I think the goal of being happy with it in five years is a good one.

Good luck Toots, you are so strong and I know you will handle any outcome.

[Sotto]

Thanks Susana and Gan. I really appreciate your comments. This is the reply I have sent:

Dear H

I'm so sorry that you feel your life has run off course. Please know that I only wish happiness for us both, and for SS. I understand that you want to simplify your life and don't want to live and work in different places.

Of course you are free to make your own choices. I respect your wishes and if you file for divorce, I won't stand in your way. But divorce isn't what I want. I love you, and I hope that we may one day find our way back to each other.

Toots

I did have a couple of wobbles. Mainly asking myself if I'm being selfish sending this? He would much prefer I reply, agree to a divorce and move forwards. Me not doing that and telling him I love him, makes all of this harder for him.

I have sent this for me really. I feel that if he knows this and chooses to file for divorce, I can better move on.

I have no expectations - other that he may feel - ugh - or angry. I certainly don't feel we are close to a 'turning point' and I don't hope for that. But at least I have told him now how I truly feel, and I am glad of that.

Thanks so much for your help everyone. I really appreciate it.
T x

[alpha99]

Hi Toots,

I think you've done the right thing. If you want your marriage to work then surely at some point there needs to be this kind of reaching out. DR may suggest you do this at a better point, but like it says, if you've followed DBing to a T and things aren't changing, don't engage in more of the same behaviour. At least your H knows how you feel now. I have my fingers crossed you get a positive reply.

[Sotto]

Thanks so much Alpha. I hope you feel all better soon. I heard back from H already....

He said that I'm the biggest hero he knows
And that he doesn't feel he deserves the kindness and love he gets from me

He has asked if it is okay with me, for us not to move anything forwards right now
He needs a week to think...

[gan]

Strength, balance, and grace, comrade, no matter what transpires.

[gan]

We cross posted so I didn't see the above. Interesting!

[jim0987]

(((Toots)))

I've just caught up with your thread and a lot has happened. fWIW I think you did the right thing with your email.

If your H doesn't see what he's losing in you or hes too proud to to take tge action he needs to then he really is a fool

[susana4]

Hiya Toots, that's an interesting reply...remain calm and strong. I know you will probably be on pins and needles all week. Keep yourself busy!

((()))

[edz]

Hi toots

I'm not posting today no movement just low, I wanted to hop to just say (((((Toots))))) I really hope you're on the road to good things.

Take it easy matey