Not dumb anymore (2)

[Wonka]

Just like a druggie looking for their next fix.....at all costs.

[Train]

Precisely, Wonka. Affairs are like crack. And we all know by now: Crack is WHACK.

[Burger]

Thank-you Train and Starsky.

With the phone taken care of I finally have no more reasons to contact her, and I WILL NOT look for any. Once she finds a place to live she will need to come get her stuff, but until that happens I’m free to work on me.

My therapist will be happy too, I was too consumed with my relationship and her while living in the same house to make a lot of progress. I had a very hard time detaching from her. Even when I was doing my GAL activities I was worried about what mood she would be in when I got home.

Now I can just let her go and start working on me.

[Train]

Burger, it'll be hard. Nothing about these sitches is easy. But I don't think my sitch would have turned as quickly as it did if H and I would have been living together or still sharing a cell-phone plan/bank account. You will be able to detach from her in half the time now that she won't be there, right in your face, and you've separated things to minimize contact and your ability to look into what she's doing. The downside is she won't have as many opportunities to see your changes. BUT, I think it's hard to make genuine changes and progress when, as you said, you're consumed with her/the relationship while living together.

Just be sure to really ROCK it when you DO know you'll be interacting with her. Let your light shine!

[Burger]

Thanks for the encouraging words Train.

I really feel it is for the best that we are now separate. I was becoming too much of a doormat with her always saying she needed more time to decide what she wants. I was living in a state of limbo just waiting and waiting for a sign from her.

I really stood up for myself during the argument before she left, I couldn’t deal with the lies and deception anymore. It was, and is, the time for tough love.

Thank-you everyone for helping me survive this far.

[Burger]

Question for the group....

I'm behaving myself and not contacting her. She just forwarded me email about a special event coming in 2 weeks that is part of our season ticket package. There was no note from her, just the email forward.

I'm not going to attempt to read her wayward mind.

Do I ask her if she would like to attend with me? Seems a bit soon for that. Especially since I have no indication that her EA's are over.

Maybe just say: Thank-you, maybe I'll see you there?

Any thoughts?

[Sotto]

You may want to tone it down a little - maybe I'll see you there sounds a little like pursuit. How about - thanks for forwarding these. I'll try and get along to that one..

[Burger]

Perfect, that's just what I was looking for, a non-pursuit response.

Thank-you.

[Starsky309]

It's not about the kids, and it contains no question. I wouldn't reply.

[Burger]

Had a good visit with my therapist this morning. We talked about what happens if W suddenly decides she wants to come home and work on things.

I told her that I would not allow W return home until there was some commitment to MC and I'm ready for her to come to home, which may be a while. I think I read a Starsky post somewhere that it is a big mistake to just open the door back up to my W.

My therapist had me gather a list of topics and questions that I will need answers to, before deciding on how to proceed.

I even got a talking point ready in case this ever happens:

"W, I’m glad to hear you are willing to talk about our M. Please let me know your availability and I will schedule something with a MC to get started."

Does this sound like a good plan to keep in my back pocket?