I'd love to go to Greece! The alone part is tough but I am starting to see that it is okay to be alone but being lonely is an entirely different issue.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
My Grandma went to Greece after my Grandpa's MLC (he left her her for his secretary after 35 years of marriage). I have her travel journal. Trip of a lifetime. I'm in.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Hi Mighty, Funny you should be talking about Greece. Way back when, about 10 months after I started dating my W, one of my closest friends invited me to go with him and his brother to Greece for a vacation. I only had 2 weeks vacation and my W and I had talked about doing a trip to Jamaica together but no plans were made. In the end, I decided to go to Jamaica with her and skipped the trip to Greece. That trip was the first time we talked about someday getting M. Who knows what would have happened if I had gone to Greece instead. My friend went with his brother and they had a great time. I wonder what would have happened if I had gone to Greece instead? I'll never know.
So, count me in if you do end up going to Greece! We should all makes plans and have an LBS vacation package! Heck, we could probably have enough to do a charter and save tons on the cost!
Go to Greece Mighty. I did a cruise last year that had three stops in Greece. It's amazing. I'm going back in Sept for four days when I go visit my son in the UK
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
I have been in a place of... movement... lately. Contemplation... two steps forward, one step back. Actually, that saying, the "step" thing, never really seemed appropriate enough. But, really, when I think about it, it is pretty accurate. It is a bit of a boomerang journey. And for me, when I go "back" it seems like I can't get past that place... like my "back" is stuck in a low place. Really though, I'm realizing that my forward is progressing. My step back is quicker and I stay there for a shorter amount of time. Blah, blah...
I think without all these setbacks or periods of cycles, I'd be better, but I think that they have really shaken me to the core, and that's what I needed. Just when I thought I had heard it all... been through it... on my way up... I get a whole new awareness brought to my attention. And man, has the Lord gotten my attention! It has been about an average of around every two to three months of kicks to the gut. But, I know that there must be a reason. I don't think I would have fully made the necessary changes if it hadn't gotten to this point. Some things, I really... well... it's really hard. I wish I didn't have to endure. I think the few others who have gone through similar have done it much more gracefully than I. But, it's my reality now. And, I am starting to awaken to it. It's pretty harsh. But, I think it can be more than that too.
I am finding some peace. Some acceptance in some of my sitch. Still, the reality of it can easily bring me to tears, but I can say that I have honest and good intentions for everyone. And when I say that, I mean it. I really want to feel real genuine peace and happiness. No animosity.
Things are changing. This really is a whole body experience. I feel everything in my body. At this point, my arms and legs are getting better. Sounds silly, but it's true. When I say I was paralyzed, it was a physical, mental, and emotional state. Now, I have a little more energy, I'm moving with more excitement and a lot more. My brain feels happier. I am more aware of things and can find more enjoyment. My job is better, by interaction with people, those kinds of things. Plus, I'm more focused and get more done. My "To Do" list is getting checked off. Yet, the most difficult is the internal weight, darkness... sadness remains. I can still be happy and laugh- it's mental. But, physically, it's like I could make a circle, from my neck, right around to just below my ribs... that's where I still feel the... void. The sadness. It's OK. I am just aware of it. Even when I am doing well... it just know it is there. Constant. I am sure it will slowly dissipate. Probably not entirely.
I do still get surges of intense frustration, anger.... reality. Last night, for example.... I know I'm in for a no-sleep-kind-of-night when that happens. It is right about when I start to doze off when I get the jolt. Uh oh. That's it. I'm done.
As far as my feelings about xh. Well... I'm sad. He's gone. He's really, really far gone. It is so hard to digest. It's just reality. I don't even think I could even see him in my life anymore. It's kind of like a balancing act... the transition of my life. Tipping over at the reality of losing him... yet tipping in the other direction at the thought of having him now in my life. Neither are obtainable. Neither will happen. One is gone, the other I don't want. It leaves me in the middle... feeling like I don't know what to grasp onto. Yet, I know... it's not him. I've now got me. That's where I need to build.
As far as hww.. blah. Said too much already. Don't even care anymore. Seldom I get things that bother me about her anymore. It's almost like the last of the things I need to work though to get past. The aftershocks that pop up when I don't expect it. The damage is done. Dealing with it. Then an aftershock. But, the aftershock lasts as long as the thought... then it's over.
Bottom line... he does not want to be in a r with me. If he did... he would. And, now... I have a much better view of the sitch. I still have more to see. It's a friggin train wreck... but I'm putting the pieces together too.
My kids picked me up from work today. We went to my parents for a St. Patty's dinner. We watched a movie. It was a nice time. D14 stayed there. She has been sick and isn't going to school tomorrow, so she is going to stay there and be babied by her grandparents.
It has been 5 weeks since I sent xh the nc text. 4 weeks since he stopped. The longest in 20 years. I know it doesn't seem like a long time. Some day it will be a drop in the bucket. But, it is an adjustment. I still have my moments every day. They sukk, and are really tough. But, I am doing this. I am moving on. Moving forward. Starting to see things for my future. Starting to think more on my terms. And it is a little exciting.
I have simple moments where I wonder if xh is happy. It is a tough thought. Not that I don't want him to be... but like this... it's hard. To be able to throw me away like this after 20 years with out so much as a "see ya later" or "Hey, thanks for 20 years" or "Bye".... well.... that's hard. Really hard. Incredibly hard. It tears me up. I just don't comprehend that. At all. So... I just can't focus on it. I am not sure how someone can be happy with their life while doing that. But, if he can be... well that says a lot. And, just keeps me moving... in the other direction.
Sooo.... it sounds like we are planning a trip??????? A group excursion? I mean... that would be so FUN! I'm gonna tell ya... this bs or not.... I can def turn it up. We can have a great time. Now, Greece seems like a while away for me... $$ wise. Not off the table... but I'm just entering college years for my kids... so maybe starting with something.... less abroad??
