Please just leave her alone. As they say, haven't you done enough?
She knows how you feel. You already told her you'd want to work on the M even after the lies and affairs. She already told you that you'll never understand the depth of her hurt and anger towards you. Can't you just let that lie?
I really wish more LBS's could stop poking and prodding at their WAW. Just let them go and work on yourself. Really. That's ALL you can do. Too often even "DBing" is really an excuse to keep prodding or trying to control WAS's journey. You MUST MUST MUST let her go now.
GAL. Work on yourself. Let her be the first to initiate contact, and then keep it brief and end it first. Don't try to work things out, explain, blah blah blah. SPEAK ONLY THROUGH YOUR ACTIONS. NO WORDS. PLEASE. ACTIONS. Just GAL, and work on your own growth.
I'm not a vet, just an 8 month LBS myself. I really wish I could show you how far gone she is right now. Read Sandi's new thread again. She doesn't feel how you do, not even a tiny tiny bit. You need to pull yourself together and build your new life by yourself before she destroys what's left of you.
Supplication does NOT work, and it's NOT attractive. If you doubt me, just ask any of the women on here, Burger.
I understand that I shouldn't contact her. And if she reaches out to me eventually I will not initiate any R talk, and keep the conversation quick and to the point.
Do I just leave her with my credit cards for now? Or just cancel them with no notice? That could put her in a bind.
Me:43, WW:45 2 Kids: 21,22 Married: 23 Years Bomb: 01/2015 Separate Bedrooms: 02/2015 She left: 03/2015
Now that she has moved out, I'm avoiding contacting her first. However I have some things to discuss with her:
* House - Now that she has left the house I'd like her to avoid the house when I am not home and return her key.
* Credit Cards - She still has two credit cards that are in my name. I would like to cancel them, or give her the option to continue to use them but pay the bills like she has. She has no cards in her name that I know of. Maybe I give her a week to get a card of her own?
* Cell phone - I'd like her to pay her share of the bill, I shouldn't have to pay for a device she uses to text and talk to her OM's. Maybe I tell her to have her phone moved to her own account?
* Game Tickets - There are still a number of games left on our season tickets. I would like to sell them and split the profit for the ones that do not get used.
Any thoughts?
Should I give it more time, she has only been gone two days?
Should I put all these in a short email?
It is LONG past the time your finances should be split, ESPECIALLY her paying for her own cellphone. I would not ASK, I would DO all of the above, then send her a short business-like email letting her know so that she can make other arrangements.
She was upset that I cancelled the credit cards, but there was a pending charge on there for more video game loot. I can't support that. She also noted that she needs her phone so I told her she could have some time to get that switched over. It is her only communication with our kids, I won't take that from her.
She also accused me of being unfair, and how I wasn't perfect either. She then accused me of deciding that I don't want to even try to work things out.
Not sure if I should have but I replied that I want to fix things and I am willing to give her the time needed to decide what she wants.
I did not cave to her complaining about having no money for a place to stay now. I was tempted to help her out with my other credit card, but I held out on rescuing her. I'm working on tough love.
I think I did good, not perfect, but she will have to live with consequences of her actions. Probably have to stay with her friend a while longer.
Me:43, WW:45 2 Kids: 21,22 Married: 23 Years Bomb: 01/2015 Separate Bedrooms: 02/2015 She left: 03/2015
she will have to live with consequences of her actions
Yes. And I hear what you're saying about the phone being her only communication-connection to the kids, but I would shut it down immediately, too. She made choices. In the real world, bad choices have consequences. If she doesn't want you, she doesn't get your income/stability, either.
Brace for the spew. And stand tall.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
She can get (and pay for) her own cellphone plan. Anyone communicating with an OP will have their own up and running within four hours of shutting their line down. Mine did.
No way in hell should you pay for the means to conduct her affair. No way.
