Toot Va Bien!

[Cadet]

Only Toots can decide if she wants to continue to stand or not.

Maybe just stand in a different place!

[Sotto]

Thanks RD. I guess this also explains why H had bought a bag home of my stuff from our city flat. So I have been erased from there too. Lots of erasing of me going on right now.

I just unpacked the bag from our flat. And I was so upset. A few years ago, I framed a lovely photo of H and me and gave it to him - I think it was for Valentine's day. I thought to myself - he won't send that back. That would be too hurtful. Of course, it was in the bag too. I really, really hate him today.

[twinmom]

I have nothing to add but a big hug and "I wish this wasn't happening to you"

[rd500]

Very very tough Please know that just because your H is doing what he's doing it doesn't take away from Toots as a person. Toots can only control Toots Your H is making choices for himself and he will have to live by those choices. Accepting what is happening to us all is hard but we must accept what is and do what's best for us.

Your snooping showed where H is. Not exactly paradise is it. He has broken a family , left a W that a lot of men would kill for and for what ? He's not happy, he's at best an OM but that is what he decided. who knows what's going to happen but for now Toots needs to carry on being the best Toots she can be. Make choices for Toots that will make Toots happy and carry on being the great Toots that we know

It seems a few of my friends on here are struggling today and I wish I had saage words to lift your moods but at least know I'm thinking of you.

Take care, big hug and x. , Rd

[edz]

((((Toots))))

Sorry its a rough day, bunny and puss would be bad enough (you still planning on taking puss to the new place?).

Its never easy to confront information that's hurtful or unsettling. I try very very hard not to snoop as I've said but sometimes it's best to know whats happening and as rd says it doesnt seem to have been the best set of decisions for H even after very hurtful actions to you. I know I still ended up with information on "thing" which has me unsettled greatly especially since other moves seem so positive so I can understand the feelings of reading something that knocks your equilibrium out, sorry Toots

That damn roller coaster is horrible and Im sorry you're back in the seat. All I can advise is breathe, relax. If you'll indulge mr fixit a moment while I re-secure his chains maybe put the items returned in a storage locker or loft somewhere you wont keep bumping into them right now, I had to do that with pics of w and I for a while. Given current events I may bring one or two out but Im wary of opening myself up too much and making this space too much of a reminder until and unless things definitely start to change.

Take it easy my friend

[Sotto]

Thanks so much for taking the time to post. I really appreciate it today. And do you know what? Toots is back!!

I can already feel the abject misery and the anger lifting. Are things hopeless? No. There's always hope while I choose to stand. Things don't look hopeful in the short term, granted. But the jury's out after that. And I can have a pile of stuff thrown at me and still have optimism seep back in after only a few hours. That's not so bad. That's who I've become, and she's okay.

So, I'm going to unpack the car, sort out the stuff and then that episode is over. I'm also going to have a look at the legal paperwork this afternoon. I feel like doing that today!

No huge decisions and actually nothing major has changed in my sitch other than OW is back in the UK. No problem. I always worried that them being 000's of miles apart prolongued the fantasy. So who knows what will happen when they are closer? Best not to worry about that and get on with my life.

You know, I partly feel H is trying to get a reaction from me with the photos, and he'll be disappointed if he is. And who knows? That's quite enough new information and mind-reading for one day I think!

Anyway - I live to fight another day! xx

[rd500]

Sounding much stronger. Well done you !!! Take care. Rd

[Sotto]

Thanks so much to you all for your replies. It's definitely been one of the worse days of my sitch so far.

But I got busy this pm. Unpacked the car, did the legal paperwork, did a lot of sorting and throwing out. H had sent my trainers back from the flat, so I decided to take up running (been thinking about it for a while.) There's a little route round the park, which I did today - running and some walking - it took 12 mins. I'm hoping to get that down to 10 mins and do it 3 times a week - new GAL!

Today made me realise that expectations are not your friend. And it is so easy for them to creep in, especially when your S is giving off little signs...and you start to feel a bit more hopeful, then bam! Anyway, I'm much more robust than I was. Today shows me that whilst I get knocked, I also get back up again pretty quick. And that improves as the months roll by.

I feel I've been doing pretty well DB wise - but it's those pesky expectations. I just need to make this all about me now....and really, really not worry about what H may be up to...

[Vanilla]

Toots

Rough day for you, have you got puss? Her foot?

You know the reality Toots and then you have choices. No guessing for Toots.

The picture thing is hard Toots. You may never know what is in H mind.

Sending you my very best loving hug and thanks for your posts on my thread. Spent a lot of time in police stations today, so a little grim. Felt I might like to start a fund to have comfy seats, coffee table and paint other than British Rail greige. It is bad enough discussing things with strangers without seeing flaking paint and mould. I do say that I was listened too and heard, but there was no wifi to post.

V

[susana4]

Toots, hugs to you! That is so hard, can't imagine how it must have been. You are so strong, and you are doing so well. Don't be afraid to take a little Toots time though. Do something nice for yourself and look after you. It's so hard not to have expectations, I know. How is kitty?