Had fun at dinner last night... Got home and W was asleep -- completely sacked out much earlier than she usually is. I wasn't sure what to think about that last night -- was hoping it was a sign of more depression (maybe a tiny sign that me being out last night did bother her), but today she doesn't seem tired or depressed at all.
Feeling very confused today. I keep praying for a miracle here, and while interactions with W today have been very civil, there is no change in the direction we are headed.
What I feel confusion over is that while I do hope and pray for reconciliation, I also had a lot of fun last night at dinner with my friend. Almost too much fun... Enough fun to wonder "what if..." -- but then my thoughts go towards God and I wonder why this friend would be coming in to my life right now... On an intellectual level I know that I need to just stay focused on me... The weakness in me does feel drawn to this friend and I know that I shouldn't be... And so I end up very confused... so very confused... This would all be so much easier if I could just see some tiny little signs that my W is feeling confused about her decisions, but she either isn't at all confused or she's hiding it really well... And while I do feel in my heart that God is working on our sitch and does want me to stand for my marriage, I am finding it hard to not let my thoughts drift to other possibilities... Even though I know that it is way too early for me to even consider any other possibilities because I am not in a place (emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or physically) to get involved with anyone other than my W (who clearly doesn't want me)...
I know the advice I'm going to hear from everyone here (especially Wonka) is stay the course and DO NOT give in to the temptation... to stay focused on working on myself... I know in my heart and soul that I do need to not give in... I just feel so weak right at the moment... so weak and confused...
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
Yeah -- definitely not dead... BUT definitely prefer the filet mignon over the burgers... I just wish the filet mignon felt the same way and could/would reciprocate!
FYI -- reverse the scenario and I am definitely filet mignon to OW/burger (in so many, MANY ways...) -- just unfortunate that my W prefers fast food rather than fine dining right now...
And my response is quickly on its way to being nearly x-rated so I think I'll just stop there...
:-)
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
I think I need to start a new thread -- life just went to the twilight zone...
Just had two long and surreal conversations with W about her R with OW this afternoon and this evening... we are in such a weird place right now... I just did a lot of listening... and surprisingly felt no anger or bitterness and just a lot of peace about the entire situation...
We even laughed about her trip out of the country to visit OW...
We really had some very open and honest conversation about a lot of things -- beyond OW -- and I think we may be entering a new phase going forward... I guess what I feel right now, if things continue down this path, is that we are setting a strong foundation for any of the possible outcomes... If I don't get the miracle that I hope and pray for, then today was a very good beginning to being really good friends and co-parents... If I get the miracle I am hoping and praying for, today was a great "paving the way" foundation for us...
And for the first time -- at least right at the moment -- I feel really okay with any possible outcome...
And I can't explain why I feel that way because I certainly didn't feel that way yesterday or this morning.
I know I could feel completely differently tomorrow... But is this what it feels like to really be detaching? To feel as if I can really be okay with whatever happens? To be able to look at my W, listen to her talk about OW, and not feel the hurt and anger that I have felt in the recent past about all of this? To look at her, listen to all of that, and simply feel in that moment as if I were just listening to one of my friends talk about it?
God really must be working VERY hard on our situation for me to be where I am right at the moment...
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
Jer, You only have 76 postings on this particular thread. You still have 24 postings before this thread will most likely lock. May I suggest that if things have gone to the twilight zone, that you change your subject line, i.e., like I just did when I responded to you.
I'm glad that you and your wife could sit down and have an open and honest conversation yesterday. Sounds like she was in a fairly good mood and was having some clarity. Hopefully this will continue...but you know, as well as we all know, today could be a different story.
You sound like you are detaching a bit if you aren't reacting to what was discussed. Try to keep the focus on you and the children. From your postings, I get the feeling that you are trying to analyze her every word or action. It's going to drive you nuts and you will be the one entering the twilight zone, if you aren't careful.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I was kinda joking about the new thread simply because things had taken such an odd turn.
I know things can change rapidly -- so far this morning she seems to still be in a good mood and comfortable talking to me.
Yes -- I am still analyzing her words and actions... so hard not to, but I know I need to stop doing that.
This week my big focus is on the job search -- I have an interview this week that I am hopeful will result in a positive outcome so I can move forward.
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
. But is this what it feels like to really be detaching? To feel as if I can really be okay with whatever happens? To be able to look at my W, listen to her talk about OW, and not feel the hurt and anger that I have felt in the recent past about all of this?
Yes! When you realize that life will go on, and you will be ok even if this relationship doesn't work out, and that this really isn't about you anyway - then you can come from a place of compassion for your partner, and hope for yourself going forward.
Just had two long and surreal conversations with W about her R with OW this afternoon and this evening... we are in such a weird place right now... I just did a lot of listening... and surprisingly felt no anger or bitterness and just a lot of peace about the entire situation...
We even laughed about her trip out of the country to visit OW...
We really had some very open and honest conversation about a lot of things -- beyond OW -- and I think we may be entering a new phase going forward... I guess what I feel right now, if things continue down this path, is that we are setting a strong foundation for any of the possible outcomes... If I don't get the miracle that I hope and pray for, then today was a very good beginning to being really good friends and co-parents... If I get the miracle I am hoping and praying for, today was a great "paving the way" foundation for us...
God really must be working VERY hard on our situation for me to be where I am right at the moment...
Jer
Ughh ... I remember a convo I had similar with W ... about OM and I had to just sit there, contain the anger and listen to her talk about thier R like I was just a friend. I gained some valuable insight .. but also some troubling things. She had shared OM was in love with her for about 4 years, (he was M at the time) that she never gave in till recently .. about how he was busy, did not want to take over my rold as S's father ... yanno .. all things you dont want to hear, but things that matter later. He was married when he was "in love" with my W, I was able to plant that seed asking what she thought would be different he wouldnt look elsewhere while with her, I still have no facts on why the breakup but I do know she stalked him a bit .. so guessing her crazy didnt help ... and I wonder if he is not a MLCr aswell ... 2 kids married over 10 years aswell. Not my circus .. not my monkeys
So you still have a connection, she still shares things with you ... these are good signs. The OW being non local I think has its blessings and its downfalls ... as hard as it is, that R needs to run its course and I think not being right there all the time will just take a bit longer imho.
Hang in there, you sound great and are handling this very well.
It's all the rage out in California.