My STBX said the same things. Scornful of me, worshipping OM. Friends fully on board. Crucifying me.
Doesn't bother me anymore. It's like if you walked past an elementary school and a bunch of 2nd graders called you names. That's what 7 year olds do. It would be inappropriate for me to call them names back, and no point in being offended. Just keep walking and enjoy your life.
My STBX is out of my life. Not what I originally wanted, but I didn't realize I was marrying a 2nd grader. Sorry, we each contributed to the downfall of our M, but they are 100% accountable for their actions. The things my STBX have done show a lack of character and value that is simply beneath me, regardless of the circumstance. I would rather live alone forever than live with someone that will do that to me.
Maybe someday she grows into someone stronger, and if she does and is able to demonstrate this was a unique episode in her life in the context of a major life crisis, I don't know. She would be a different person. Maybe I could reevaluate. But that's for her to figure out. I have to take care of me.
If there is a positive side it's that you have hopefully learned how doomed the M is and why you really need to move on and let her, her OM, her friends, and the bs fall into the background. If she chases you down someday great, but honestly you can't look back. Just walk away and be grateful you found out.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
She is completely in love with her AP, they have pet names, have each others calendars synced, and of course talk about how insane I am and what a creep I am and how pathetic I am.
Aouch... This is so painful to see. But you were expecting it, right? I mean, you knew that WAW was in love and that this is what people in love tell each other? I'm sure my WAW says similar stuff and I'm really, really happy I never get to read it. Already, D6 told me once that OM calls her "my queen" and it sticks with me 4-5 months later.
Originally Posted By: FOOLISH
All of our couples friends have sided with her and they all agree I am pathetic for wanting to get back together with her and what a joke that it. My WAW keeps saying "This is the last straw" "No going back now" and on and on with words to that affect.
She shouldn't know or think that you want to come back together so badly. Her emails should be an indication of the impact of your strategy. Your WAW should know that this is not your choice, but that you're going along with her decision because you know you'll be fine without her. It doesn't have to be true now, but from what I read, it will be true one day. You have to understand that you feed her A by making her feel like she's such a special person that you need in your life. The DB method aims at making her doubt her decision because you seem so content without her. Then, maybe you're the special person and her path is a losing bet.
Believe me, few people here have a harder time than me in conveying this to WAW. But I do. I'd easily be a wet noodle if it wasn't for the whip cracking of sandi2 and Wonka. I really want to tell WAW to come back, that I hurt more than she can imagine, that I can think of 56 reasons for her to come back, etc. Yet, in every communication I try to appear detached and, perhaps, content. After a while, her boring routine will be put in contrast with my apparent life satisfaction. The grass will be greener on my end. At least, this is how I understand DB. I encourage you to make your WAW see (or think) that you're moving on without her, that you'll be fine and you know it.
I will try to do just that. I will be fine either way - moving on. Actually this is a good experience for me - I have grown a lot, figured a lot of things out, gotten to be a better mom an cook. Now I just need to not let my WAW walk all over me. Right now, she makes my stomach turn. Yuck
