Completely agree with what Might, Bea and Job said. Sounds like he’s got something going on in terms of not being happy where he is. I like your response. I understand your concern though. Sometimes I think I’m a b!tch when I reply to H these days. I just don’t have any more energy or just simply don’t care how he interprets what I say anymore.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
I'm sorry to hear this. They never cease to amaze me.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Bklynnmom, My H constantly blames me for S not wanting to do things or spend time with him. It has always been about my parenting, in fact he has said it's one of the reasons he feels the way he does. Meanwhile, I am raising our son while working full time. S gets awesome grades, teachers and parents rave about how well behaved he is, he has lots of friends and he is loving and caring. Do I ever get a thank you? Never. Just criticism.
I think they do this because they are not able to look at themselves yet. Because then they would realize that they are a part of the issue. They can't have that! So it's blame, blame, blame. You sound like a great mother, hang in there and try not to take his comments to heart. He is justifying his behavior to himself because he is unhappy.
I am sorry to hear about his job far away.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Hey Bklyn, I'm sorry he has made the choice to take a job so far away. Sorry for your little girls, too.
Yea, he needs to make arrangements for his time away so that you can have a life.
And dont worry about how you sound to him. Who cares? He no longer matters in your life except how it relates to your girls.
I am not saying to be unnecessarily nasty to him because that isnt who you want to be nor is it good for the relationship between you two as coparents. But, that doesnt mean he gets to say whatever he wants either. You matter, B.
Now, take a deep breath regarding the job. Dont get upset. Figure out what you need to do in order to deal with it. Then approach him from a place of strength.
Thanks guys I hadn't thought about asking for extras help while he is gone but thats a great idea.
My exH disease is that he is a workaholic - he uses work as a place to hide from emotions. Even when he is working in NY he uses work as his excuse not to attend any school events, as to why he can't ever ever walk kids to school or pick them up. Work makes it easier for him to have shorter weekends than agreed upon.
I had dinner with a friend tonight. She made me realize my exH did me a favor by leaving me. He is so insane and disconnected from emotions that eventually I would have been forced to leave. That would have been much harder.
I got lucky and have two amazing kids!
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Just thought it was time for an update on my thread. Mostly because I need to let out some of my feelings.
ExH has been gone since Mid March. He came back over Easter Weekend and saw the girls for 36 hours. He calls rarely, maybe once a week. I have started to make the girls call him more often to help keep them connected. I know its important for girls to have strong connections with their dads.
Thats been hard since the girls are rarely interested in talking to him because he is so disconnected from their lives, so I have to act like its so fun & great to talk to him when its totally not.
It has really begun to soak in for me that not only is my exH a workaholic but he is a high functioning and successful Alcoholic. He does not look like an alcoholic that you see sleeping on the street but he is an alcoholic just the same.
I sometimes worry for my girls if he is going to accidentally kill himself. Either drunk driving or something.
I know from Alanon that my exH will continue to head down hill.
This weekend I was a little concerned because he hadn't called in over a week or picked up the phone when the girls called. He finally called this morning and introduced the girls to his new dog. Which I guess he bought in the city he is living in until August and then will move back to NY with the dog?? He also told the girls that they would meet the dog named Bobby Brown, this memorial day weekend when he is back in NY.
He is manic. He doesn't have time for kids but he has time for a dog??
Who is this person
The girls and I are doing great and having a wonderful spring. I am so so blessed and happy.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
