But I dont want all this messy stuff. Im getting tired of it.
I hear you Job...I need to step back and refocus...try my best to refocus
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
I just want you to know that I'm not handing out 2x4's today, but I am concerned about you and what's going on in your situation.
You want a better me, a better h and a better marriage. So, start w/you. What are the things that you are aware of that you need to change/improve? You can only control yourself and the more you change, the more your h will notice the changes. I'm not here to judge you, but there are several things that I sense from your postings that I think you are already aware of that may need some work: patience, expectations and temper.
You may not want all of this messy stuff, but that's MLC for you. Sure you are getting tired of it...who isn't? Look around the forum. There are people posting who have been at it for a number of years and are still here trying to work on themselves and figure things out. Look at ForeverYoung. He's still living w/his wife and he's not had a picnic either, but he's figuring things out by testing the waters and doing more of what has been working. So, your h hasn't given any thought to date night...it's not the end of the world and it's not on his radar right now, but who is to say it won't be next week or the week after. What he said to you wan't being hurtful...he was being honest w/you at that very moment.
You have two choices, figure out what you want and stay the course or the two of you separate. MLC is very difficult, frustrating and painful, but I think it's even harder for those who are still under one roof...but if you truly want to fight this crisis, then you will need to detach, leave him be and go on w/your life for now. YOU can't rush the process. It has to take it's course just like the measles or mumps.
He's a teenager and teenagers don't always think about anyone else but themselves. Keep in mind, if you are frustrated w/his mixed signals, just try to picture how he must feel w/your signals. Either you want him to come closer or you don't. He can't read your mind, nor can you read his.
I honestly don't think you are done...but I will say this, your actions are telling him a different story about how you feel about him and the marriage right now. Change your actions and you just very well see a difference. Happy, you aren't going to be happy every day, but you have to learn to accept him for who he is right now, not the way he was. I know that this is very difficult for you, but if you want a chance of getting everything back on track, you need to detach a bit more and try to think of him as nothing more than a roommate at the moment. Hope is a good thing and it will help carry your thru the days ahead, just as long as your expectations are very low.
You are going to be okay. You just need to figure out how to react to him and his behaviors. Dig deeper for patience.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I want to fight this crisis with all that I have inside of me.
I hear you, I needed this post. Deep breathe, refocus, getting back on track.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
SOOO An XBF from over 20 years ago,,who is also married with kids and I know his wife...my H has also meet this XBF
We keep in contact,
Anyway,,,he called me this morning to make sure I made it safely to work (bad weather and road conditions)
I felt sad, becuase I wish my H had called me to see if I made it safely to work. In all honestly H is at work at a traning sessions and is not allowed to have his cell phone inside the Prison PODS, so he could not call, but he could have sent a text before reporting to POD,,,but the thing is I know he would not have called to check even if he was at home:(
This XBF and I are ONLY friends, I would NOT even go there, just wanted to make this very clear!
Last edited by 2BHappy; 03/04/1501:25 PM.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Happy, I just wanted to say that my xh was the same way about not calling or texting to see if I made it to work or home during inclement weather such as snow and sleet. There are some that just don't think about such things. Me? I worry about people getting to and from places during such times and will call to see if they arrived safely. A lot of this, I think, is the way that they were raised.
However, I'm glad your male friend called to see if you made it to work okay. It's nice to know that someone is concerned.
I do hope that you have a good day.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I sent him a text saying I just wanted to make sure he made it safely.
H replied back "yes I did I'm on my break now"
Another thing I have noticed he has started to respond back to my texts...he use to read them but not respond unless I was responding to something he sent me.
Now not everytime...but more and more he is responding to my texts.
I also greatly reduced the texts I send him
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
My question to you is this...did you send the text to inquire about his travel to get a reaction out of him, i.e., that he would ask about your travel to work? If so, you discovered he didn't ask about yours...correct? If you normally inquire about his travel to work, then continue to inquire, but if you are doing things to get a reaction out of him, it isn't going to turn out the way you want.
You are still "expecting" him to act a certain way. It's not going to happen right now. He's a different man than the one you married. He's in crisis and he's not going to be thinking about anyone but himself, like a teenager. It's all about them unless they need or want something from "mom" or "dad".
At least he's starting to respond to your texts more frequently. That's a plus. Your texts have to be short because he's not going to be able to handle lengthy texts.
Focus on you and your son. Your h is a big boy and he can take care of himself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I sent the text for 2 reasons. I really wanted to make sure he was ok , there were tons of accidents this morning. I did not at this point expect him to ask if I made it safely (so that did not surprise me that he did not ask)
And I was thinking,,this is something I wish he would have done, preBD he use to tell me I want things from him that I'm not willing to give myself.
Control- YES I have control issues BIG TIME, and this is something I'm working on.
I did not see this as control,,,but since Im controlling maybe I can't see it clearly?
You guys help me sooooo MUCH!!!!!
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Happy, I question things to get you and the other posters thinking. I do understand the issue w/the weather and accidents and it was just interesting how you wrote your posting.
The thing to remember, is that any changes you make, you make them for YOU. Okay? They have to be changes that you are happy w/and are not being done to just please him.
You can only control you, your behavior and thought processes. You have to learn to accept the things that you can't change and understand that things will evolve on their own time schedule and you can't rush them. Sometimes rushing things will only cause more damage or destroy what you are actually trying to achieve.
Patience!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
