It reads: "The Castle of Aaaaarggghh"

[kml]

Lol....well, certainly not hard to interpret THAT dream!

[LoisB]

Yep. Like an effin Neon-Freudian sign. :-)

Oh!

Other things are coming to the surface for me.

I've recreated some patterns here with this job. Again. I have chosen to surround myself with people who have some fairly ridiculously high standards which are nearly unattainable if I choose to have a life of any kind.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not angry with them. I'm not really angry at all. I'm just seeing that I've done it again. I've put myself in the mix where I have very demanding, controlling people and I'm not feeling the passion for my work. I can do this for a bit...

But, again. I need to use this board to propel me forward. I don't feel energized when I put this paper together. I feel depleted. And, more often than not, I get little positives from the company. The community loves me, but the company is full of some jerks.

Anyway...my point is...I'm noticing this stuff. I'm shelving it for now because this job could be a great stepping stone.

But, in the past, I would procrastinate on thoughts/feelings like this when...now, is the time to act. Like AJ was saying...writing contests...reaching out to these people God keeps putting in my path...taking the time to connect with others who speak my same language. Now is the time to start making some connections and seeking some writing assignments which rejuvenate me as opposed to deplete me.

Writing on these boards brings me joy. Writing for children brings me joy. Making a difference in a thoughtful way...brings me joy. Teaching children brings me joy.

God has given me clues to where my purpose lay. When I feel energized, that's a clue that I'm on the right track.

I'm dog tired with this job. It's wearing me out. Ok for now, but not forever.

I would love to write some short historical pieces for children. Also, I came across another local author who writes for Guideposts. I can see myself feeling some genuine satisfaction from writing inspirational stuff.

I'm getting closer :-) I really am.

The hard part now...letting go of the notion that I deserve to suffer. Embracing the joy. Embracing life when things go WELL. Letting go of the trauma.

Also, I think this job is in my path to teach me discipline with my writing and how to churn it out again. What I need in order to churn it out.

The pieces are coming together.

[Mighty]

When I feel energized, that's a clue that I'm on the right track.

Aren't those the best times?! And now we can truly appreciate them!

[LoisB]

Thanks Mighty!

Everything I'm looking for is in front of me. Anyone who wants to go backwards, they will have to go by themselves. I'm moving forward. Nothing I'm looking for is behind me. Been there, done that, won't do it again. ;-)

[123Gwen]

Focus on the now. Focus on the moment. --- right now all you need to figure out. Hang in there - you are doing great.

[LoisB]

This job isn't where I fit. I think I just accepted it.

Nothing has happened, I haven't been fired...but this job isn't me.

And, the super wonderful thing is...I see my own value, it just doesn't jive with this job.

This morning on my way to work heard in my morning sermon...

I'm closer than I've ever been before...but, I'm not there yet.

I'm not doing anything rash, but I need to begin planning for what's next.

I'm likening this to the first relationship after your marriage ends. Often, it's not a forever person, but someone who is better than where you were, but not where you are meant to be.

I needed to get the he!! outta where I was. God opened a door. He showed me that I deserve to earn a certain amount of money. I deserve a nice car. I deserve a good life.

Now, He's pushing to me to press on a little further to where I fit...to where I'm operating 90 percent on things that I'm naturally good at and 10 percent at things that come a bit harder.

Right now, the equation is off...I'm spending 85 percent of my time on things I stink at...things that will never come easily and only 15 percent of my time at the rest.

I feel relieved.

[LoisB]

I'm not giving up my peace, my happiness, my joy...not after everything we fought against.

"When are you going to get up and go get what God's word already told you was yours?"

That's what I heard.

Then, a priest at the local church called a b!tched at me because his church news didn't get into the paper.

[job]

Heather,
I might be wrong, but I think I suggested to you quite a while ago, i.e., around the time of your last meeting w/the team, publisher and the HR representative, that you may want to update your resume and begin sending it out. Have you given any serious thought to that?

I can understand a customer calling and complaining about something not being put in the paper for their respective activity. I'm sure the priest didn't use curse words when addressing the issue. He was probably hot under the collar and was expecting his info to be in the paper this week. So, how is it being fixed? Why wasn't it published in the paper? Did his submission get in on time?

Heather, the job you hold right now will have a lot of unhappy customers when things aren't put in the paper, misspelled names, names omitted, etc. It's the nature of the beast. You either have to toughen up your skin when dealing w/these people or it's time to move on to something else.

I, personally, think it's time to find something that you will enjoy. Something that is better suited for your skill set. Maybe something that is behind the scenes, whereby you have a front man that takes the heat and not as a supervisor who deals w/the public every day, all day long, etc. It's been a long time since you've been the "lead" and times have changed and believe me, the public isn't like it use to be and they sure do complain about a lot of stuff and don't accept excuses like they use to. They except the people who provide customer service to be on their toes all of the time. It's a dog eat dog world out there now. The mentality has changed a lot from years ago.

I'm sorry you had an unhappy customer today. Hopefully things will be better tomorrow. Time to pull out that computer and start working on the resume.

[job]

edit:

Fifth paragraph, fifth line:

"of stuff and don't accept excuses like they use to. They expect the people who provide customer service to be"

[LoisB]

Thanks Job,

Our office doesn't have a receptionist, sales rep or reporter.

I'm in charge of making sure everything gets into the paper. If something gets missed, it's on me.

Now, I'm writing sports copy too. It's just too much for me. I'm a receptionist/photographer/reporter/editor/copy writer/sports reporter

What's weird is how much it's like my marriage. I fell into such a similar pattern...strangely, freakishly similar. I'm expected to do way too much and, then, take the brunt when it all doesn't get done. That's my marriage. That's my dad. So weird. I'm not angry, more like "HOLY shid? Really?"

Some people might be fine with it and flourish...but, honestly, I miss my kid and I miss thinking about things besides this newspaper.

I'm going to clean up my resume.

Again, this feels like a first boyfriend after the marriage. He had some qualities I liked, but he's not the one for me. I was too broken still to find something that fit well.

Thing is...I want to stay in this area or...maybe move a little further east.