Toots, thanks for the message. I am sure you are right about her feelings about this. I don't know how you could feel any different unless you have no heart what so ever. I guess she is looking for me to see she is hurting too. I think that is God's way of saying D is supposed to be painful
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
It's been a couple weeks since I posted. I have been staying at my sisters house 10min minutes away from home. I drive home during the week every morning at 6am when stbxw leaves for work. I get the kids up at 730 to take to school. I take the kids out to dinner one night during week and have had them 1 night each of the last 2 weekends. My waw has come into talk a few mornings when I get home in morning. Conversations have been pleasant no R talk. I have not initiated any contact with her. She will call or text me daily of which I respond with texts unless she ask me to call. I have been having a really hard time. It seems everyone is happy when I do call home to talk to the kids. I do miss her and the kids. I know the only thing I can do at this point is keep going dark. The D process is still not moving to fast. We have talked about splitting assets up and selling the home this spring. I have done nothing to help her with anything around home when I am there in the mornings. I look back at the past 18 months and still can't believe this has happened. The woman I married is gone. It seems so much damage has been done and so much hurt that it feels like there is no longer anything.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Latest and greatest news on my exciting weekend. I will start with last Friday an employee asked me to go to lunch there was something he thought I should know about. Proceeded to show me some letters stbxw had stored on her laptop that my employee is currently using. The letters were dated over a yr ago the week I found out about affair. The letters were written to him about how much she loved him, how special he was blah blah blah. How are kids would love him what a great step mom she would be to his kids blah blah blah. The hurt and pain from this hit me like a ton of bricks. I had plans to take the kids to my sisters for the weekend. After reading this garbage I sent her a text letting know I would be bye to get the kids at 4 and also to check her email. I texted that it all made sense to me now! I sent a copy of letters She then started trying to reach me by phone at work and mobile. I just couldn't keep this to myself and wanted her to feel my hurt. She called and said the letters were a year ago blah blah blah. It had nothing to do with D blah blah blah. I got off the phone and sent her some text with highlights of letter about her wanting to be a great step mom , our kids loving him etc etc.. She tried to call me and I just responded by text. I didn't want to talk to her. I don't want to be her friend I dropped kids off today at 1pm while she was at store. I passed her on the road and she pulled over to talk, I just kept driving. She texted me telling me how much she hurt this weekend and knowing how much she has hurt me blah blah blah. I asked her by text to let me know about settlement in writing I would pick it up tomorrow morning when I take kids to school. She wanted to talk about it. I really don't think I am in a good place right now to even see her face. I am sure there are some DB-ers on here that may have some input. thx
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
I'm so sorry. It's like anothe BD when these things happen and it brings back all the pain and hurt. You know that stuff like that may have been happening, but awful to see it in black and white and read all that was said. And know that a colleague had read it too - ugh. A few months ago - when I was deleting old texts, I discovered one where H had told me beforehand about a lecture he was going to with an old friend. It was only with the benefit of hindsight, that I knew on that night he was with OW.
It was horrible as he added lots of stuff about how nice it had been to see this guy and catch up and so on. It just hurts to read this stuff. BUT - do bear in mind that this is all history and it was all written a year ago when your W was probably deep in fog, lying to you, cheating and generally wayward....
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Toots, your rt about it being a year ago and I didn't think it would hit me so hard. My stbxw texted me and said that she has been hurting all weekend for the hurt it has caused me. She said he is not a good friend etc. She says it breaks her heart to see me going through this but doesn't change her feelings about us. She will always be a strong mother for the kids and hope for the best. She wants to be freinds? How do you respond or act from this.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Waw has been calling me today. I have not answered her calls. The letters I read friday were written a year ago. She is texting me to tell me she never sent them. They were just feelings she was dealing with. I texted back and questioned what she was doing with her car parked in his car in July. This just opened up all the memories of the lies and deception. I don't know what to think about it or even what I believe at this point. How she could expect me to be freinds is hard to understand. As much as I would think it's a possibility , too much damage has been done to our friendship.
Her actions of the past year with not only me but her friends, her family, my family is just not something people just get over with. I hope that she will have what it takes to try and repair some of theserelationships. I would like to hear what some of the DB friends suggest
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Hey igit. I have not had a chance to check up on your story, but I hope it is going well for you...whatever well for you is.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
Pilot, I am doing well my friend. I moved into an apartment a month ago 10 minutes away. In my mind I have let my waw go. It has been interesting to say the least. My waw senses this and we have had some nice conversations. No D yet there is a hearing in July. I have been pushing for a mediator and set it up for our 1st visit next Friday. The kids are doing well and I spend a lot of time with them. .met a very nice lady a few weeks ago at another church I dropped in on a few Sundays ago.. life is good right now. I like the way my life is going. How the heck are you Pilot.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
It's been 3 weeks since I last posted. Updating my situation. I have been living in my apartment for 6 weeks now. I have been living life as if I we are moving forward with D. We have a schedule in place for kids time. I have been paying temporary support until a settlement is in place. I have been focusing on myself, kids and work. I have avoided stbxw unless she instigates contact. We have been working on a settlement without courts. I initially was taking a strong position but recently became more accommodating and anxious to get this over with. My stbxw has recently been calling and concerned about how I am doing. My response has been I turned it over to the Lord and am at peace with She has told me she is feeling guilty. She has always tried to play tough so this is something new. I did mention that I could only control myself, I should have bit my tongue but said I thought she was making a mistake and that she would regret what she has done someday. I don'tknow why but I feel like she is looking for sympathy and she needs to see this is her bed and she needs to sleep in it. The nxt few weeks I will be on a few trips and be away for 7 out of next 14 days She will be with kids for 2 straight weekends. I do think it will be hard for the kids as I take them to school daily and won't see them while away. I still lovemy wife but the damage that has been done is something that only she can repair. I am not sure why but today I feel more in control of my life than she does of hers.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
