H's MLC #7 And the games continue

[woundedfool]

Wounded...hmmm interesting idea.

Thank you.

I did tell him I enjoyed outing spending alone time. I dont want to bring it up again right now..giving him time to whatever..I dont want to make toooo much out of it. Next month...I might hint that another outing would be nice and see how he responds.

Woooohhh.....I am not suggesting anything as deep as an outing/date, your swinging for the fences, and I just want you to get a walk or a single.

You mentioned:

So Im struggling a little..maybe the date got me wishing but I want attention from my H.
Phone call just to say Im thinking about you..a kiss on check ...a smile.
Even without the date I have been missing little things like that more and more...

So a small sign of affection would make you happier.... start small. Get him to (as you say you would like) just call you during the day and say he is thinking about you.

***caution, this gets PG-13***
If it was me I would try to start with that, just getting him to call you. That's why I feel you have the segue into it: "hey I had really enjoyed all you put into the other night, it was a lot of fun, do something for me, call me from work and tell me what your thinking about me or what you want to do to me".

[2BHappy]

Oh I see...ok..let me less this date dust settle a little so I can try this without any hurt feelings/expectations.

Now this is rated R...my H sex performance has changed not the same stamina. ..I feel like "is it me" he just not that into me or it is his hormones or depression.

I asked him if he enjoys mme.told him sometimes he dont seem to enjoy it as much as he use to.
I dont know what 8s going on..I tried to put it on me ask even if it was my weight. .

But I want to know if something is wrong with his package..
Without hurting his feelings..or making him pull back..

Im thinking just let it go for now we are NOT in a place to have this type of conversation..

Maybe he just doing it for me?

[woundedfool]

your going to have several camps/answers here (and for the record I am not a doctor) but:

First, if there is clinical depression, that can effect performance.

Second, Anti depressants (if he is medicated for it) can ABSOLUTELY effect performance.

Third, he is around the age some things can start slowing down (*not stopping).

Finally parlay that with if he is like most men above 50 with a stressful job, he is probably on a blood pressure medication....

So those are 4 pretty big things that can indeed have a dramatic effect on performance.

I 100% guarantee any discussion about a "problem" with his package will result is a giant pull back.

Is it possible to work through "other" things to gain satisfaction?

[job]

Happy,
How old is your husband?

I agree w/woundedfool on what may be affecting his performance. If he is truly in mlc, any type of depression can and will affect his performance. He may say he's not attracted to you or he feels numb.

At this time, do not try to suggest and/or discuss his performance issues w/him for he will withdraw from you. He's got to figure out for himself what he needs to do to fix his issues.

Also, don't swing the fence gate too far...but start out w/something small like a touch or show interest in something he likes to do. If you truly want him back into your life, you will need to treat him as a friend and go from there. Friendship takes a while, so you'll need to dig deeper for patience. Go back and re-read some of reachingHigher's or ForeverYoung's postings.

[2BHappy]

H will be 52 in a couple months.
Has been on blood pressure meds for over 18 years. Has a somewhat stressful job with long hours and mandatory overtime.

The differnce in performance does not really bother me but for some reason I feel like it bothers him. Its like he gets frustrated during or right afterwards..then wants to go be off alone...right after BD he totally pulled away from sex but once I found out about OW I thought that was the reason..but once we were back initmate I noticed a difference. Its like the car starts..then might need a jump then gets going..then gets there and its like glad he made it...like H wants it but not able to do as much..
Oh wow I needed to get this out...I was very worried that he just did not want me...

Hmmm...one time I recall he had his dr change vp meds cause it was causing him problems..but wven then he did not want to go into details with me.
Yes I notice and wish it was like it use to be but I can adjust adapt...

[job]

Sounds like it could be his stress, age and meds. It's understandable if he's getting frustrated w/himself. He's thinking he's not a spring chicken any longer and yes, he can see the changes in himself and his performance and that could be depressing and scary for him.

It's not you...it's him and he's going to have to figure this one out. If he should talk to you about it, gently suggest seeing his doctor and discussing the issue w/him. He may not feel comfortable in doing so, but it's a normal problem and trust me, there are advertisements all over the TV these days about it and what medicine is available to help men, etc.

Just be patient and don't push him on this.

[2BHappy]

I will not bring it up unless he does and I know its a very sensitive subject.

Thanks for feedback

[2BHappy]

Dang it...
So while in car on way shopping and lunch..I glance at H on his cell I swear I see OW name on Id of a text messages..

I say to H wow really I see that name..of course he said I did not and tries to show me his cell while Im driving...s14 in car with headsets on so I tell H im driving and to stop putting his cell in my face.

We get to restaurant and s14 in bathroom H says so now you will be silent with an attitude he said he can see it on my face...

I tell him what he sees is hurt...he said why...you did not see her name on my cell and starts to scroll thru his contacts...s14 onhis way back to table I tell H dont bother Im used to this now...

He tells me I think I saw her name but I did not....

Honestly Im not 100 sure...and he right away was shoving his cell in my face...so maybe I did not....

What did I see is my mind playing tricks on me..do I just let it go now...

I had an apt so I drop s14 and H back home and left...

[job]

Happy,
This is only my opinion, so take it w/a grain of salt. I think you did see her name. Why else would your h react the way he did and the gas lighting was very evident, if it is true. He may very well have deleted the message quickly before he started shoving the phone in your face. If she hadn't texted him, he could very well have said no, I didn't receive a message and when we get to the restaurant, you can scroll thru my messages. He really is over reacting and could have caused an accident.

What would I do? Let it go for now. He'll slip up again.

[BrightFuture]

I don’t think that you can see the name on the text message unless the sender is in you contacts. So, if he offered to look at his contacts, he either doesn't have her there, or he deleted it very quickly. This is just my opinion. I might be wrong though.