just out of curiousity how do you feel when wife shares her sadness with you? if it brings you down do you have anything that you can do to counteract it (meditation or exercise maybe)
Take care of yourself. I'd love to read you've got some GAL plans for you.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Thanks Vanillia but I think you do yourself a great disservice. I would love to have 122 your strength. I wallow in self pity way to much and you never seem to
When ever you Postin anyone's sitch I always read what you say because if it's not insightful it's humerus
Thanks to all the people who take time to post on my sitch because I struggle so much in what is happening. It's seems like a nightmare
There is no requirement for an order. In my eyes children welfare ALWAYS comes first and this is achieved by a healthy R between mum and dad. Both working together for the benefit of the family by concentrating on their M and a great mutual respect and love.
So, you were imperfect, that was then this is now. RD you have great love for your children and for W. Please extend that to yourself, let yourself off the hook and remember the extraordinary strength of your body in recovering from your kidney disease. This is within you to tap and use.
RD has a great sense of humour too...... V
Last edited by Vanilla; 02/16/1511:53 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Hi Jim, thanks for posting, when I see W sad it makes me feel sad. I am improving re detachment but I need to be much more detached. At the moment it seems that W is boucing along the bottom. She seems adamant about M and an R with me but she has given up alot to leave. We are not wealthy but any means but we would have enough to live. W has gone from having money to having 8 euro until friday ( yesterdays quote to me over phone )
I have no anger towards her more disappointment that she will not give our family a chance. I do appreciate W proberbly gave our M lots of chances from her perspective but that's no help to me now.
My L/C is teaching me loving detachment in that I don't get involved in W's personal life away from us but I also don't put up a wall. It's similar to DBing but with more acts of kindness with no agenda.
As time passes I see that I am in recovery and there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I think my sitch has a bit of a twist in that W has access to the house and I'm not comfortable to restrict her contact with children to a formal arrangement. With time this might change but, like everyone else, the kids are all important. Also I live with my kids, in my home with only D14 going to W's for 1 night a week. I am really lucky and do see that.
W called me in the car this am on her way to work to speak to D10 who I was taking to school. I had already dropped D10 so W chatted for about 5 mins. W seems to be coming out of fog re kids and W is making an effort to reach out to them. This is the first time since W left that she has called any of the kids on her way to work.
thanks for the question Jim, sometimes I get so caught up in life that I dont really think about the sitch.
Hi all. Just an update. W was home Monday and cleaning g boys bedroom s20 has a bottle of go. In his room but has not touched it for 2 months W found it while cleaning and emptied it out. Now the bottle has been in the same place for over a year but after D14s birthday episode , S20 had a glass of vodka. Now my S20 is 6ft 16 stone and as soft as they come. He is a gentle giant and a wonderful son that has good friends that go out about 2 times a month. S20 has never come home anything other than merry and he is a hard working student that gives me a lot less cause for concern than I gave my mum !!!! When S20 saw bottle was empty he text W to ask if she empitied it. W text back yes and a text argument ensured. Basically S20 told W that she had no right to touch his stuff and if he took'W's cigarettes and thew them away she would go mad even though he would be helping her. At the end W agreed to give up smoking and they are friends again.
IW really seems to be coming out of fog re kids which is really nice.
Just one call today frrom W , just a chat and she's in house tonight sitting opposite me chatting away arm around D10 with me on other settee with D14 , fire lit and we are watching myth busters Oh well.
Hello OD - just dropping by to say Hello and see how you're doing. I too wasn't sure about GO - thought it might be an alcopop that I'm about 30 years too old for!
Sounds as though you are doing pretty well over there. And pleased to read that your W seems to have woken up to the plight of your kids and is focusing more on them. That's a healthier place to be...stars are visible. No planets for either of us yet OD, but hang on in there my friend. I think you are already a man only a fool would leave ;-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi Toots thanks for looking in. Had L/C today and she's still very positive re my M. Stressing that I need to be the best I can be and treat W well. L/C thinks I should move forward with my life and leave W alone re R until W decides she needs help.
I always feel calmer after L/C , not happier but calmer. I do believe I will be happy again , I just struggle to see how W and. I will ever be ok as friends because Im not sure you can interact with someone after sharing 25 years together. I almost think it will be easier if W was not in our lives anymore. Each week there seems to be more drama with her or her and kids.
W's sister is coming over for two days next weekend so I am hoping she will help W make the right decisions for W.
Two calls today from W and one text. Mostly children related but plenty of chat as well
L/C is big on the right thinking and not getting bogged down with the past or negative thoughts. Easy when your sitting with her , bit tougher when your on your own.
I just struggle to see how W and. I will ever be ok as friends because Im not sure you can interact with someone after sharing 25 years together. I almost think it will be easier if W was not in our lives anymore.
You know I'm in the "let's be friends" camp, RD. But I do think that for most people there needs to be a period of not being friends, just to reset the rules. I'm reading a book about different "models" of being D. Couples may move between the models at various times in their lives and most of them can't keep the friends one up very long. Seems being friends is tricky for most people. But there are options between "friends" and "not in our lives". Can you envision something in between?
